Monday, October 10, 2005

You Know You Live on the Gulf Coast When...

(I got these by e-mail today.)
  • You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.
  • You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.
  • Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti Os.
  • You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
  • When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe hallway.
  • Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
  • You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
  • You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
  • The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.
  • You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
  • You own more than three large coolers.
  • You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
  • You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take gallon of gas to get there and back".
  • You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.
  • Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
  • You catch a 13-pound redfish. In your driveway.
  • You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.
  • You consider a "vacation" to stunning Tupelo, Mississippi.
  • At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
  • You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
  • There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
  • You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather channel.
  • Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
  • Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
  • Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MREs and bottled water.
  • Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
  • You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree worker.
  • A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
  • You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
  • Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
  • Toilet paper is elevated to coin of the realm at the shelters.
  • You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
  • Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
  • You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.


Carol Davidson said...

Great list! I'm gonna forward this to some Gulf Coast friends.

Unknown said...

hey don't forget - "101 uses for a blue tarp

Lorna said...

funny and sad---actually so am I. At least the sad part....;)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

That good side/bad side of a hurricane amuses me. How do they do that? Is it some theory about why gyroscopes work? Or Slinkys?

And I learned something here -- that it might be tough to get a roofer, fence builder or tree worker. That is strange. I have told people I know who have had storm damage that I am sure they will have no trouble getting a carpenter to come right over. Maybe I was wrong about that?

Well, anyway, this is a good list. Thanks, kid.

Laurie said...

Abby - I know they'll love it.

Al - No kidding!

Lorna - Ah, don't be sad.

Old Horsetail - There are worse sides to the hurricane. Just ask the poor people in Lake Charles and Cameron Louisiana. The problem with finding roofers and such isn't the lack of skilled labor, it's the amount of people with damage. There isn't a wood privacy fence within a hundred miles that survived without loving at least a few feet and usually more. As for roofs, every home has lost some shingles and I would say that at least 10% have major damage. It's wild down here.

Zina said...

The cajuns call the bad side of a hurricane the "DIRTY" side. Anderson Cooper made use of this term when he learned from some good ole boys from Abbeville Louisiana (where my aunt lives.)

Unknown said...

After last year, I get twitches when I hear the words "Hunker Down"

P.s. while the storm is coming - you find that Tapcon screws are worth more than gold

Peter said...

A hellava way to get DIY experience>

Donna said...

Great list! Glad you got through it OK.

Laurie said...

Zina - I never heard that. I thought I knew all the Cajun lingo.

Al - I hate the word "catastrophic."

Peter - Ain't it the truth.

Donna - Thanks. I hope you're doing okay out there on the West Coast, too.