Monday, April 30, 2007


I will be joining a few people I know in attempting to walk 10,000 steps a day starting tomorrow (if all parties have their pedometers by that time).

I put my pedometer on yesterday afternoon and walked around the neighborhood for 30 minutes and only walked 3500 steps. At that point, I thought I was screwed as far as the 10,000 steps thing goes. However, after wearing it for only an hour this morning, I already had 1,000 steps and it hasn't been a particularly active morning for me.

I might not win the challenge but I, at least, don't think I'm going to embarrass myself. I plan to keep a running tally down there on my sidebar.

Update: End of "test day" - 7,127 steps (without walking the neighborhood)

Saturday, April 28, 2007

How Well Do You Know Laurie - Part 4

Here's another quiz about me. My family should do really well on this one. Off we go...

Results so far (I knew the family would kick ass on this one):
  • 100 Cousin Zina
  • 100 Sister Bonnie
  • 100 Poodles
  • 100 Mom
  • 90 Susan in St. Paul
  • 90 Katie
  • 70 Laura
  • 70 Carly
  • 60 Cory
  • 60 Shannon
  • 50 Peg
  • 50 Andrea
  • 40 Jen T
  • 40 Fred Garvin, male prostitute
  • 40 Serena Joy
  • 40 Old Horsetail Snake
  • 40 Cousin Susan
  • 30 Jamie (younger relatives' low scores are forgiven)
  • 30 Neil
  • 20 d
  • 20 Grimm
  • 10 La Sirena

Friday, April 27, 2007

Suspected Dallas Attempted Kidnapper Released

On my way home from work yesterday, I was listening to the news and I heard a story about people driving along the road in Dallas and witnessing a man trying to pull a boy into his car. (Here's the Dallas CBS station's story on it.) Three people stopped and surrounded the guy's car with their cars and waited for police to arrive. The man tried to tell the people that the little boy was lost but the terrified little boy just looked at them shaking his head no. Horrifying.

If that isn't frightening enough, the attempted kidnapper was RELEASED after posting $1,500 bail. He was charged with unlawful restraint. Years ago, I heard a comedian (Seinfeld maybe?) wonder why attempted murderers aren't treated the same as murderers. Just because an attempted murderer was incompetent or a bad shot, they should get a lesser sentence than someone who actually succeeded in killing someone?

Attempted kidnappers and attempted murderers should be put under the jail along with their more competent counterparts. The people who stopped after witnessing the attempted kidnapping risked their lives to rescue this little boy and the sicko is released from jail simply because he's an idiot and attempted to kidnap a child in broad daylight on a busy street?


Elvis on American Idol

All day Thursday, I tried to figure out why the whole Elvis/Celine Dion thing on American Idol Wednesday night freaked me out so much. As I lay in bed tonight, it hit me so I had to get up and write this.

Have you ever read the Stephen King book Pet Sematary? If you have, I need not say more. If you haven't read the book, read it. I want everyone to be as creeped out as me. It's my little creepy gift to you.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Random Rambling

  • I just overheard someone say, "They had muriels on the wall of the Coca-Cola polar bears." MURALS! Not muriels! MURALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • When I left for lunch today, I walked past a thin, overly tanned, disturbing looking man talking on a cell phone which he held in his right hand. He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a baseball cap.
  • As I drove down 11th Street, I saw a man walking along 11th Street who was thin, overly tanned, disturbing looking and holding a soda in his right hand. He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a baseball cap.
  • As I turned onto Lucas, I saw a man walking on Lucas who was thin, overly tanned and disturbing looking and holding a sack in his right hand. He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a baseball cap.
  • Is God messing with me?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Crazy Day

Today was Professional Secretary Administrative Assistants Office Workers of the World United Appreciation Day. (That might not be the actual name of the official day.)

At our office each year, we are treated to 20-minute chair massages, lunch and cookies and ice cream. It's sort of like Kindergarten for us big kids. It's great.

The Massage

When I sat in the massage chair, the masseuse asked if I had any special problems she needed to be aware of. I told her that, since I've been back from vacation, my shoulders and back have been hurting.

She began the massage and asked, "When did you get back from vacation?"

I said, "Monday."

She said, "You did this to yourself in two days?!"

I love my job. I love my job.

The Missing Mouse Pad

This morning when I got to work, my Margaritaville mouse pad/shelf decoration was gone. Who would steal my damn mouse pad? Fuckers.

The Cookie

Our office administrator ordered a big chocolate chip cookie for everyone from the big-chocolate-chip-cookie place. My cell phone picture isn't very clear but the message had not one but two misspelled words: Happy Aministrators Professinals Day.

So, Happy Aministrators Professinals Day, everyone!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Port Arthur, Texas on 30 Rock

I love 30 Rock. I had last week's episode saved on my DVR for when I got home from vacation. Imagine my shock, as I watched the episode and heard Alec Baldwin mention my hometown of Port Arthur, Texas on the episode. Can you say "surreal?"

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Sean's Prom

This post is mostly for my family readers. Attached are pictures Kim sent of Sean's first prom. I can't believe how much he's changed since Christmas. (Note: For my non-family readers, Sean is my brother Stuart and sister-in-law Kim's oldest son. They live in Arkansas now.)

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Reminder! Ghost Hunters Radio Tonight

Ghost Hunters Radio starts tonight. Here's the original post I did about this.

How to NOT Pick Up Men at the Supermarket

While I was bored out of my mind at the beach after everyone left me on my own, I kept seeing this ridiculous commercial for individually wrapped prunes. The only thing I can think of nastier than dried up prunes would be consistently juicy prunes. Excuse me while I try to get that taste out of my mouth.

Inspired by this post from G'night Girl, the next time I go to Kroger, I'm going to load my shopping cart with a couple of cans of individually wrapped prunes, three bottles of Clamato and about thirty cans of sardines. Then, I'm going to walk around the store and try to draw attention to my oddly loaded shopping basket.

Why would I do this, you ask? Because that's how I roll.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Sanjaya is gone but I'm back...all is right with the world

(See more pictures - click here.)

Things I found out while I was on vacation:

  • Mother Nature hates me: once again, every day was either too cold or too wet or too windy, just like Easter, just like Mardi Gras. The good news is, who cares, I was on vacation.
  • Even Jack can get too cold. Thank God for Sharky's. We saw about 5 of the 20 artists at Stingaree Fest because it was just too damned cold for us. However, there's always next year! (Click here for a Houston Chronicle blog post from a person who actually saw a lot of the acts.)
  • Brent G. reads my blog. You have been outed. You must now leave a comment.
  • Hayes Carll and John Evans are not only amazing musicians, they are hilarious and could always go into comedy if they get tired of the singing thing. (Check out the Houston Chronicle blog post link above for a picture of John Evans playing guitar in his underwear.)
  • Hayes Carll and John Evans conducted a marriage in the Tiki Bar for a couple who had met the day before at the Festival. (The Houston Chronical blog link above will tell you more about the wedding.)
  • When the parking lot got too muddy, buses were hired to carry people back and forth from the beach parking area to the festival. (Check out the Flickr picture link above for a lovely picture of Terry covered in mud after "helping" a car get unstuck from the mud.) For a while, Hayes Carll even drove one of the buses.
  • I do not like being alone as much as I thought I did. Most everyone went home Sunday, Jamie went home at noon Tuesday and I was bored stiff until today. Once I had walked the beach and sat on the deck a few times, I was pretty much done. No amount of reading could dull my boredom.
  • Next year, I'm renting the cabin for the weekend for the festival and then for the week during the summer when I can fill it to the brim with friends and family for the whole seven damn days.
  • I can't wait until next year's festival. Although I didn't see a lot of it this year, what I saw was great and the whole festival was very well organized.

A quick note about Sanjaya. He should have gone home weeks ago but he stuck it out with style. I actually cried a little last night. No, really. Really. Honestly. I wasn't even drunk.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Vonnegut, Vacation and Vaseline


While catching up on blogs this morning, I read over at the Blog of Funk that Kurt Vonnegut has died. For the longest time, Stephen King was my favorite author until I discovered Vonnegut. Thanks, Deek. I'm glad I heard it from you first.

If you go to Vonnegut's official site, take in the graphic and say a little prayer. Vonnegut was less than fond of organized religion and held a healthy skepticism when it came to all things religious. I think everyone's prayers for his lovely soul will put a smile on his face as he stands next to God listening to all of God's "I told you so"s.


I took a day off of work today to get myself packed and together for a week at the beach. I got up at 8:00 a.m. (a painfully early hour of the morning for me) in an attempt to get a jumpstart on my to-do list.

I told myself, "Don't sit at the computer. Don't sit at the computer." Then, I told myself, "You have to check on your blog friends one last time before you're without computer access for a week."

The second voice won and here I sit two hours later. I am now walking away from the computer and vow to not sit here again until after lunch time and then one last time right before I go to bed. After that, you'll hear from me in about seven days or so.

Have a great week everybody but mine will be better.



I have nothing to say about Vaseline. I just wanted you to read the whole post.



Wednesday, April 11, 2007

This Post Might Give You a Headache

Today, I went to the firm medicine cabinet for an Excedrin caffeine fix. I read the label on the Extra Strength Excedrin and on the Excedrin Migraine to see which one had the most caffeine. Guess what. The ingredients are exactly the same. I would be willing to bet that some stores charge more for one or the other of these products which sucks eggs.

This made me wonder if the six different types of Excedrin are all the same medication with the only difference being the packaging. Here's what I found out, free of charge to you.

Excedrin Extra Strength
65 mg caffeine (about the same as a cup of coffee)
250 mg acetaminophen (regular strength Tylenol has 325 mg)
250 mg aspirin

Excedrin Migraine
65 mg caffeine
250 mg acetaminophen
250 mg aspirin

Excedrin Back and Body
250 mg acetaminophen
250 mg aspirin

Excedrin Tension Headache
65 mg caffeine
500 mg acetaminophen

Excedrin Sinus
325 mg acetaminophen
5 mg phenylephrine (decongestant)

Excedrin PM
500 mg acetaminophen
38 mg diphenhydramine (antihistamine)

Monday, April 09, 2007

Dad Honored by the Sertoma Club

Last week, my dad was honored by the Port Arthur Sertoma Club and was given their Service to Mankind award. Click here to read the newspaper article.

It was quite an honor and also sort of a roast. All of the speakers were really funny and they all told stories about things I hadn't thought about in years. You mean everybody's parents don't...
  • teach Red Cross swimming classes (mom and dad)
  • work with children with disabilities (and teach them swimming, too)
  • ride unicycles in Orange Bowl parades
  • entertain the kids at St. Jude's Children's hospital
  • sew clown uniforms, Wacky Wizard uniforms, Nutty Professor uniforms, my brother's Dingles the Clown uniforms (that would be mom)
  • set, tease and comb out clown wigs (mom again)
  • try out all their new magic tricks and jokes on the family
  • know jokes for every occasion and tell them constantly
  • tie animal balloons
  • juggle
  • draw caricatures
  • make their own ventriloquist puppets
  • come to meals in full clown make-up scaring the new in-laws (didn't have time to change between parties)
  • perform Master of Ceremonies duties at tons and tons of pageants and talent shows (those were fun)
  • do all of the above while also working a full-time refinery job (dad), full-time credit union job (mom) and raise four kids who all turned out to be relatively normal.

Videos and photos below.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

A Cold Easter!

For all of my northerly situated blogging friends who always ask, "Where are your coats?" (especially Lorna) when I post pictures between September and May, this slideshow is for you:

We actually had sleet during our annual Easter crawfish boil. The temperatures were in the 70's Friday (approaching 80) and barely got out of the 40's on Saturday. For more pictures, click here.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

I Won a Major Award...No, Really...MAJOR

Today, a girl in the office sent an e-mail to everyone that a friend of hers asked her to sell some raffle tickets at $1 each for a gift basket. Since it's so close to Easter, I assumed it was a basket full of candy and stuffed toys. Since it was for the March of Dimes, I thought, "Oh well, I'll give her $5 and give the basket to somebody if I win."

Then, I continued to read the e-mail. Damn, that was one helluva gift basket. I grabbed $20 and ran to her office. Guess what. I won! Here are a couple of pictures:

Each department at Baptist Hospital here in Beaumont was responsible for creating gift baskets and selling tickets to win the baskets. My basket was created by the Medical Records department. The hospital raised about $8,000 for the March of Dimes and I got a basket full of stuff that will be kick ass for the beach. It's over $1200 worth of stuff. Here's what I won:

  • Brinkmann Smoker/Grill
  • Barbeque utensils
  • $50 Academy gift card
  • $50 Wal-Mart gift card
  • $20 Sports Connection gift certificate and t-shirt
  • $20 Hooters gift certificate
  • $50 Visa gift card
  • 3 rounds of miniature golf at Colorado Canyon
  • 10 free games at Crossroads Bowling Center
  • Round of golf for two with cart at Brentwood Country Club
  • Round of golf for two with cart at Babe Zaharias golf course
  • 4 season passes to Lamar University baseball
  • 6 passes to the 07-08 Wildcatters hockey season
  • 4 Astros tickets (Astros vs. Oakland)
  • Dallas Cowboys TO Jersey
  • Set of horseshoes
  • Titleist golf balls and tees
  • Texas A&M and Longhorn Coozies
  • Charcoal
  • Charcoal lighter
  • Drinks
  • Snacks
  • Two tennis rackets and balls
  • Electric dartboard
  • Canopy
  • Football
  • Astros t-shirt
  • Lamar t-shirt
  • Disposable camera
  • 11 pound ham from M. A. Brown Meat Market

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Your Ego Boost for Today

When you’re feeling down and blue,
When you‘re feeling like you have no talents,
When you’re feeling like you can’t even tie your shoes
Without making a mess of things…

Think back to when you were just learning to type.
ddd (space) fff (space) ddd (space) fff (space)
Numbers?! We have to type numbers?!
Where the fuck is the * key? @#*&*(@#!!!!

Look at you now!!!
Wizard of the keyboards!
You are SO smart
And good looking, too.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


I try not to say stuff like: my joints hurt, I have indigestion, I’m tired. When you’re 51 (!), people automatically say stuff like “Well, you’re not getting any younger.” Hell, that crap happens at every age. Leave me alone.

I think people get old when they start thinking like that and say stuff like “getting old sucks.” All ages suck, you moron. Men-o-pause and Woman-o-pause might be a bitch, but puberty was no picnic either.

Something I Stumbled Upon - Click Here for More Interesting Art by Joel Esler

You have to have been a Lemmings addict like me to understand this cartoon. If you were, you're cracking up right now.

Monday, April 02, 2007

It's My "Dick in a Box" Box

A few days ago, I did this post. You should watch the second video again, just so you can also have that song stuck in your head like me.

A couple of days later, I did this post explaining that I can't walk toward Carly's office without thinking about dicks in boxes. Carly read the second post and immediately went to work, on her break time, of course. She called me and said, "When you have time, I have something for you." When someone says they have something for me, I suddenly have lots of time.

I went to Carly's office where she handed me this:

Sunday, April 01, 2007

My Right Foot

I just got back from Target and while I was in Target:
  • I ran over my right big toe with my own shopping cart.
  • I dropped a container of liquid shower cleanser on top of my right foot.
  • I (accidentally) kicked the condom display with my right foot hard enough to make me cuss in public. I'm sure the pharmacist is still wondering about that one.

Surely, The Universe is trying to send me a message. Any ideas?

Susan's Big Day

[Pictures will be posted later and be sure to read all the way to the IMPORTANT ADDENDUM.]

A friend of mine is in town visiting from Minnesota. I am known amongst my friends as "the cruise director." If we want to plan a night out, everyone looks to me for ideas for where the good bands are, where the good drinks are and where the good (and preferably new) restaurants are. In other words, I am a Beaumont nightlife specialist. Until Susan arrived, however, I had no idea I knew so little about Beaumont day-life.

Lucky for me, Susan had done a little online research. I do that every time I go out of town, even if only for a day, because I'm afraid I'll miss something. I guess, since I've lived in Beaumont for twenty years and southeast Texas my whole life, I thought I had plenty of time to see everything and never really studied or looked for things to do.

Southeast Texas is an outdoorsy sort of place and I'm not an outdoorsy kind of girl. I don't boat, ski, fish, ride horses, golf or hunt. I read, watch television, play on my computer, work, shop, gamble (in Louisiana), sit on the deck of a beach cabin (in Crystal Beach) or drink and watch bands. I realized I was suddenly like so many other people who live here who wonder, "What is there to do in Beaumont?" Luckily, Susan had some answers.

We started out with a delicious lunch at the Spindletop restaurant on Crockett Street followed by a quick tour of our work-bound friend's office. From there, we hit a couple of resale and antique shops on Calder Avenue. I'm ashamed to say I had never toured the McFaddin-Ward house which is what we did next.

The McFaddin-Ward house tour was absolutely incredible. I've toured many plantations and historic homes and I am usually a little disappointed when I go inside. The homes always seem so small inside compared to how they look on the outside. The McFaddin-Ward house was fantastic and I highly recommend a tour. They take groups of six, so I recommend giving them a call before you go rather than just popping in.

From the McFaddin-Ward house, we took a quick trip out to the mall. At the mall, there was one of those little traveling carnivals which I wouldn't have given a second glance to. Susan, however, is a carnival ride buff and cotton candy connoisseur, which made for a very interesting walk amongst the carousel, ferris wheel and Tilt-A-Whirl. Inside the mall, she even stopped for a quick 10-minute Chinese massage. It's easy to entertain someone when they are enthusiastic about everything. I highly recommend that sort of friend.

When we left the mall, Susan suggested Tyrrell Park and the Beaumont Botanical Gardens. Once again, I'm embarrassed to say I had never been to the Botanical Gardens. By the time we got there, the buildings were closed. However, we could walk through the gardens which were beautiful and which should be even more beautiful in a couple of weeks when more of the stuff starts blooming. At the back of the gardens, we watched a family feed turtles in the bayou or whatever that was that was flowing back there.

We also took a look at Cattail Marsh which I didn't even know existed. It is a 900-acre constructed wetland which includes more than 375,000 plants and attracts more than 350 bird species annually. We pulled up, walked up to the top of the levee and, as we crested the hill, saw hundreds of ducks swimming on the pond. It was amazing.

We ended our day at Luby's where I had a delicious bacon cheese steak and asparagus almondine which was a good as any I have had anywhere. It was one of the biggest surprises in a surprise filled day.

Susan, thanks for a great day. I can't wait to come to Minnesota!

I just got a call from Jack, the previously mentioned work-bound friend who is back out with Susan today at the also previously mentioned Cattail Marsh. Jack, being the manly-man all purpose southeast Texas wild game hunter and tour guide, managed to give Susan an up close and personal encounter with a 5 to 6 foot alligator!

Thank God, I didn't come upon a 6 foot alligator with Susan yesterday because I would still be running like Forest Gump and would probably be in Lake Charles by now. I don't run very fast.