Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Extremely Awesome

The words "extreme" and "awesome" no longer have meaning and should officially be banned from the english language. People of all ages use these words to describe everything from nachos to jumping out of helicopters on skis.

My new shoes are not awesome.

The speed of a Roadrunner modem is not extreme.

New paper being unloaded in the copy room is not awesome.

Chicken wings are not extreme.

Please stop. I beg you. You know who you are.

Blue Bell Southern Blackberry Cobbler

This stuff is slap-your-momma good.

Monday, June 29, 2009

This and That

So soon?

DirectTV again...

Yesterday at lunch, a DirectTV installation truck was parked right beside me at Chili's with the engine running. I looked at the guy sitting in the truck and he looked at me and for a brief moment I thought Saturday's whole DirectTV debacle had been a bad practical joke (see previous post) and I'd been punk'd instead of stood up. Alas, Ashton Kutcher didn't pop out of the bushes and my installation has been rescheduled to Friday...my 4th of July work holiday.

Holy War

My dad has been in the hospital since last week. He has had a recurrence of his lymphoma which is responding quite well to chemo. However, the stents which were placed several years ago have become blocked and he is a lovely yellow-orange color and, while colorful, is not a good thing. Today, the doctors decided to move him from St. Elizabeth Hospital here in Beaumont to Methodist Hospital in Houston.

When I spoke to mom this afternoon she said it took all day for the transfer to go through because of some sort of conflict between St. Elizabeth Hospital and Methodist Hospital. When I told my sister Bonnie about the conflict, I said, "I guess it's a religious thing." Bonnie said, "Oh my god! We've caused a Jihad!"

Sunday, June 28, 2009

That's When I Lost It

In the previous post, I mentioned that at 5:30 p.m. I was still waiting for DirectTV to do my between-noon-and-4:00 p.m. installation. Several DirectTV people called me throughout the day to tell me that the technician was on the way.

At 6:30 p.m. someone called me and said the appointment would be postponed until 8:00 p.m. I asked if they could work in the dark and she said, "Yes." I repeated the question several times and decided that I wasn't going to let my whole day be a total waste and, if need be, the installer was going to be on my roof one way or another even if it meant he was doing the installation at midnight.

It should be noted that I missed working a garage sale for my sick cousin, I couldn't be at the hospital where my dad is (he needs a minor procedure which, as it turns out can't be done here in Beaumont...he's fine...the procedure will be done in Houston) and I had to cancel plans for the evening.

Even though my day was totally screwed, I remained calm and pleasant with everyone who called because I knew it wasn't their fault and I also knew that it probably wasn't the fault of the installers and I was just glad that I wasn't the person having to work all day in 100 degree heat. One of my biggest gifts or faults, depending on how you look at it, is that I'm too patient and I only lose my temper about once every five years.

At 8:30, a guy called and said he was the technician who was originally scheduled to do my installation and wanted to be sure that my installation had been rescheduled.


I told him that, it had not in fact been rescheduled and I was still waiting. He made the mistake of saying, "Ma'am, it doesn't make sense for me to send a crew out in the dark."

That's when I lost it.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wholly Guacamole!

This stuff is delicious! My brilliant daughter-in-law found it in the fresh produce section of the grocery store. Click here for a $1 off coupon.


I've been sitting here all day waiting for DirectTV to install my satellite. They have called me, no exaggeration, five times this week and e-mailed me three times confirming my appointment and giving me fifteen different ways to contact them if I needed to change my appointment. My "appointment" was for anytime between noon and 4:00 p.m. It is now 5:20 p.m.

I disconnected all my Time Warner cable boxes at 9:30 a.m. and I'm sick of reading and sick of surfing the net. I didn't want to watch my NetFlix and have to stop it in the middle and I'm too pissed off to play Wii or clean house.

However, here's a shiny little surprise I found while being bored out of my skull. Lemmings! I love Lemmings. Click here to play.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

From our "WTF" Department

A local blog did a post about these today.

The device is called the Kush and it's supposed to support your breasts while you sleep and comes in three handy sizes. My friend Carly pointed the blog post out to me and asked me if this is the miracle product I've been waiting for. I told her that this thing would do nothing except annoy me and end up wedged in places that don't need wedging.

However, if someone invents something that would keep my breasts from sliding into my armpits when I lay on my back, I want to be notified immediately.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Saturday at Kroger, I saw a middle-aged man running from Kroger with two huge containers of cooking oil. What exactly would constitute a cooking oil emergency?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Things That Make Me Smile

I just saw a Federal Express truck leaving the post office.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Internet Woes

I'm still having internet problems. The modem that Time Warner won't let me exchange without a service call seems to have completely bit the dust. I can't cancel my Roadrunner until AT&T comes out to my house and does their thing which won't be until next week.

Ergo, the only way I can get online is during my lunch break at work or by stealing a weak unsecured internet connection from one of my neighbors in the evenings. So, I'm still here, but there won't be many blog posts for a while.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Paste is paste, right?

My daughter-in-law was changing my granddaughter's diaper when she suddenly looked at me and said, "Oh, god. I didn't tell you what I did."

"What?" I asked.

My son immediately started laughing.

"I was getting ready for work the other day, grabbed what I thought was toothpaste, put it on my toothbrush, put it in my mouth and realized I didn't grab the toothpaste."

"Oh, no!"

"Yep, I tried to brush my teeth with the Butt Paste instead of the toothpaste."

Just one of the perils of parenthood.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Then this happened...

(Received today by e-mail from Darlene.)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

That's What I Get for Eavesdropping

This morning as I was walking into my building, I heard a lady coming up behind me talking agitatedly on her cell phone. At first, I thought she was arguing with somebody. So, of course, I really turned on my none-of-my-business-but-I'm-going-to-listen-anyway radar.

As she got closer to me, however, I realized she was talking about some tragedy that I had, obviously, missed hearing on the news on my way to work. We got on the elevator and in the four floors before she got off, I grew more and more agitated myself.

She was speaking about people going up to the roof and jumping to their deaths and telling the person on the other end of the phone how awful it was. I was about to interrupt her and ask what the hell she was talking about when she told her friend, as she exited the elevator...

"I just can't imagine why I would dream something like that."

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Time Warner, you are so out of here

I use Time Warner for my phone, cable and internet access. Change that. I used to use Time Warner for my phone, cable and internet access. Actually, I'm still using Time Warner, but as God is my witness I won't be for long.

For the last month or two, my modem loses my internet connection for portions of almost every day which drives me absolutely insane. When that happens, I also have no land line phone service which is much more annoying to my friends and family than it is to me, but still. I pay for phone and internet and it would be nice to actually have service the promised 24 hours of every damn day.

I hate standing in line at the cable place, so I put off exchanging my modem as long as I could. Yesterday on my lunch hour, I tried to go to the Time Warner building on Calder, but because of construction, I couldn't figure out how to get to the building. Instead of trying to find a detour, I drove to the main Time Warner building in Nederland about ten miles away.

When I got there, the lady behind the counter told me that they never exchange modems. I told her that indeed they do at the Beaumont building, because I've done it at least twice before. She said they do no such thing and would have to set me up for a service call.

I bit my lip, held my tongue and scheduled the service call, but on the ten mile drive back to my office I got madder and madder. No way in hell was I going to take time off of work for someone to come out to my house just to exchange a freaking modem. I called and canceled the service appointment and I'm now in search of new phone, internet and cable service.

Any suggestions?

Note about the graphic at the top of the page:
I didn't create that graphic. I Googled "Time Warner Sucks Ass" and that's how I found it.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Things I Saw at the Grocery Store Today

Sometimes, everything goes wrong in the grocery store. Sometimes Kroger is full of wonder and delight.

First, I shopped for birthday cards with a total stranger as we shared the dilemma of choosing the perfect card that wasn't too sickeningly sweet, yet didn't have male strippers or the word SEX typed in 76 point Helvetica on the cover.

Then I saw a display selling "Chlorine Free" diapers. This is a new one on me. I think it's a clever marketing ploy though. Companies should start selling all their products by stating the absolutely true fact that they don't contain dangerous substances which they never contained in the first place:

Arsenic free M&Ms? Yes!
Battery acid free oranges? Of course!
Toe-jam free spaghetti sauce? Aisle 13.

One of the best things I saw is the hardest to describe. I was walking toward a lady who was pushing her buggy and had evidently just gotten a cell phone call. She reached in her purse, grabbed her cell phone, looked at the caller ID and made the most aggravated, annoyed, pissed off face I've ever seen. Then, she answered the phone in a totally normal unpissed off tone. So, if you called someone today at about 5:26 p.m. and they said they were grocery shopping, that person is really, really, really mad at you for some reason.

The cutest thing I saw was a little girl sitting in one of these shopping carts driving with both wheels. Every time she saw me she looked at me with this mischievous face that said, if she really had control over that car, she'd flatten me like a bug. It reminded me of this classic video:

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Can't Take It With You

Busy weekend and I'll have pictures later...Spindletop Spin, Katie and Chloe graduation, movie with friends. We saw "The Hangover" and it was hilarious.

We went to Cheddar's tonight for dinner and I found out the hard way that you can't take the little plastic shaker margarita glass with you like you can from Chili's, Joe's Crabshack, Bubba Gump's, Landry's.......

The little host guy and hostess girl thought it was hilarious that they had to chase me down and tell me, "Ma'am!!! You can't leave with that!!" They laughed their asses off. I gave them a good story to tell: "Some old lady tried to steal a margarita shaker and didn't even try to hide it in her purse!" They were laughing like I had tried to flash the restaurant or something. Now, that would have been worthy of their hysteria.

Word to the wise, don't assume that the cheap PLASTIC drinkware is take-home. Do they really wash and reuse those? I guess that is the "green" thing to do. If they throw them away though, that's not so "green."

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Dirty Dancing Vidor Style

This is a video of a couple from Vidor, Texas. They told one of the musicians at this year's Stingaree Festival that they were from Vidor. I didn't make that up. These are some of their milder moves of the day...a fine, family day, I might add.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Ryan Bingham - Hard Times Video

One of our favorite performers at Stingaree this year was Ryan Bingham. However, I was so hypnotized by him I forgot to take any video. Here's a video I found on the internet somewhere.

(More pictures and videos from Stingaree Festival 2009 on the post below this one.)

Slideshow of Stingaree 2009 Pictures and Videos