Huh? What? Huh?

LAST WEEK...

Carly: I'm $2 short to get free shipping on my Amazon.com order. Do you want to order something?

Laurie: Sure. Let me check my "shopping cart." (Note: My Amazon.com "shopping cart" has so much stuff in it that I have nightmares that Amazon will accidentally order all that stuff and I'll have to get a second job to pay for it all.)

Laurie: I'll order "Paranormal Uncensored." It's written by that guy I took a ghost hunting class from in Lafayette.

Carly: You owe me $17.00

Laurie: Weird! I have exactly $17.00 in my wallet. It's a sign.

FIVE DAYS LATER:

Carly (handing me my book): Here you go.

Laurie: What's that? Hey, that book's written by the guy I took that ghost hunting class from.

Carly (looking at me with a strange look on her face): Uh...you ordered it...Amazon...free shipping...

Laurie: Oh, yeah. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! How much do I owe you?

Carly: Uh...you paid me...$17...exact change...you made a big deal about the fact that you had the exact change.

Laurie: Hahahahaha!!!!! Right, right, right. Thanks.

Carly looked at me again with a puzzled, worried look on her face then quietly walked away.

Did I mention that Carly's only 27-ish? When she's 53-ish she'll understand.

What will we drink?!

Our office doesn't have water coolers, but we are furnished free bottled water. The refrigerator has a filter on it and so does the sink. My water pitcher at home also has a filter.

Occasionally, we run out of bottled water at work which was a temporary cause for alarm recently. I say temporary, because as Carly and I were wondering what we were going to drink since we were out of bottled water, we remembered that the sink had a water filter.

Then, we started talking about how spoiled we've become water-wise. We pondered how much salty, possibly polluted beach water and urine tainted swimming pool water we've swallowed in our lives, mostly unintentionally.

We reminisced about hot summer days drinking water out of the water hose, after it had been lying in the grass among the creepy crawlies. We also found that we shared a favorite childhood bath time activity...sucking on the wet washcloth.

Gosh. I haven't done that in weeks.

Idol Apologizes to Contestant for Suggesting He Threatened Judges

American Idol has apologized to contestant Mark Mudd for suggesting he threatened the judges during an audition show last week in Louisville, Ky.

After Mudd was rejected, the 25-year-old wannabe singer told the judges, "Take care and be careful."

Paula Abdul interpreted that line as a threat, explaining that it's "not a normal thing to say to people."

On Thursday, Idol reps issued the following apology:

"We apologize to any viewers who were offended by the misinterpretation of the contestant's comment to 'be careful' upon completion of his audition in Louisville, KY.

"Our visits to audition cities are relatively brief and sometimes regional greetings and salutations are lost in translation. We had not heard that phrase from any other contestants during the day, so it took everyone by surprise.

"We now know better and look forward to visiting Louisville again someday."

Laurie's reaction:
"Idiots."

Curse you, you curse-ed DVR!!!

I went out last night and, as feared, my DVR didn't record American Idol which pisses me off to no end. I guess I'm going to have to pull my VHS out of the closet for backup. UGH!

What pisses me off even more is that American Idol is the only program on television that isn't rerun constantly or available online.

WTF?!

I Am Neurotic...Dot Com

I have so many of these same thoughts, it scares me...

CLICK HERE

David Archuleta Coming to Beaumont!!

Idol Runner-up David Archuleta Coming to Beaumont

By MATTHEW DANELO
January, 27, 2009

Got a crush on "American Idol" runner-up David Archuleta? Then you'll have a chance to see him in person Wednesday, March 11 at Scout Bar on Crockett Street in downtown Beaumont.

Tickets for the all-ages show are $26, and will go on sale this Friday at 10 a.m. at all Frontgate Ticket outlets - including Guitar and Banjo Studio in Beaumont and A&S Music in Nederland. They will also be available online at www.frontgatetickets.com or by phone, 1-888-512-SHOW.

The 18 year-old Archuleta recently released his self-titled album. The record's first single, "Crush," rose to number two on the Billboard Hot 100 chart for the United States.

His latest single is "A Little Too Not Over You".

American Idol - Season 8: "Be careful."

I agree that American Idol contestant Mark Mudd is a little scary looking, but Paula and Simon overreacted to his "be careful" remark taking it as a threat. It's a southern thang and I hope Randy set them straight on that. (Of course, if he did it was edited out. That would have lessened the imaginary "drama" of the imaginary situation.) The poor guy was being nice even after being blasted by the judges and he got chewed on for it.

I already have a favorite and his name is Adam Lambert. Here's a YouTube video...

Awareness Test

Which Movie Villain Are You?

Find out Which Movie Villain Are You at LiquidGeneration.com!

Feel Lucky, Punk?

Chance
Uploaded by titounetsan

Thank You, Ms. Obvious

On tonight's local evening news, the reporter made the following statement regarding recent thefts of expensive guages from oil drilling sites:

"Authorities believe the motivation behind the thefts is profit."

You think?

Secure Insecurity

I was looking at the invoice of a friend of mine who recently bought a new security system for his house. While questioning him about the various fees and add-ons and doing the math to try to determine what it would cost me, I realized how expensive such a system would be even for my much smaller townhouse.

"I wonder how much they would charge me for just the sign that says, 'Protected by...," I said.

"I'll just bring you mine." he said. "They'll give me another one."

"Yeah." I said. "You can tell them somebody stole it."

Cute Puppy Warning

Something I Stumbled Upon...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Pancho Villa Mexican Kitchen

In a previous post, I briefly mentioned that we ate at Pancho Villa Mexican Kitchen here in Beaumont and that it was delicious. I can now confirm, after four more visits, that the food and service at this new Crockett Street restaurant are both fantastic.

I highly recommend the fish tacos. Don't be afraid. Fish tacos are a wonderful thing. Also, ask your waiter or waitress about their lunch recommendation and you will probably be pleasantly surprised at the response. My friend and I had an amazing chicken entree, which wasn't on the menu. The grilled chicken breasts were covered with a light white cheese/poblano pepper/mushroom sauce that knocked our socks off.

I haven't been back at night, yet. So, I can't report on the bar or margaritas. I'll be planning a field trip soon.

It's American Idol Time

I finally watched the two American Idol espisodes from this week last night. As it turns out, one of the standouts, Von Lee Smith, is already a YouTube sensation and has been for a couple of years. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Employee Happiness Kit

Received in an e-mail...

Actual co-worker test subject...


It works!!

I See the Light...Again

This week, my dear cousin Ray died after a year long battle with cancer. You might remember that at the paranormal retreat I attended in November, the psychic mentioned him by name and said my grandmother would be there to meet him when he passed. (Click here and see #12.)

As you also might remember, last year when my uncle died, I had some strange experiences with a Las Vegas pin flickering in my den right before he passed away. (Click here and click on the links within that post.)

A couple of days before Ray passed away, I was walking through my den and noticed a light blinking on my cordless phone which I had never seen blink before. It was the "speaker" button. I've had that particular phone for several years and that button has never blinked on its own without being pushed. When I picked up the phone and tried to use it, the battery died. (By the way, the speaker light blinking is not a low battery signal. These phones don't have a low battery indicator.)

A theory in the paranormal community is that spirits can manipulate electrical and battery powered items when they try to communicate and their efforts can drain the power from batteries.

Hi, grandma! I guess you were telling me Ray was on his way. Message received.

Note to everybody:
I have two more cousins (brothers) recently diagnosed with cancer. Please send prayers and love and light out into the universe for them.

Earworm

Bye Bye Rabbit Ears

On October 20, 2005, the Digital Transmission and Public Safety Act was passed requiring all full power television stations to cease analog broadcasting by midnight February 17, 2009. I'm not sure what any of this has to do with public safety, but that's the name of the act.

Beginning January 1, 2008 people could begin requesting the above $40 coupon to help defray the cost of a converter box which will enable analog televisions to receive a digital signal. For a year, we've been bombarded by television ads advising us of the change.

Not surprisingly the government ran out of money before everyone who needed a converter box coupon got one. Also, not surprisingly people who have had a year to get a coupon and who have waited until six weeks before they lose their television signal to try to get one are complaining.

Those people are calling the government shortsighted and unprepared. I'm calling those people dumbasses.

Two Things That Make Sense When You Say It In My Family

"Dad's taking off his makeup."
(My dad's a professional clown.)

"Whenever I see pigs I think of you."
(Aunt Hazel collects all things piggish.)

To Wii or Not to Wii

I'm thinking about spending the money I usually spend every year for a gym membership that I end up not using after three months on a Wii game console. I understand it comes with the sports package.

Does anyone feel like they get pretty good exercise using the Wii? Also, for exercise purposes, do you recommend one of the dance game titles or Wii Fit? What other games are offered that require a lot of movement?

Your profanity filter will probably block this post

I have a potty mouth. I try to control it, but I come from a long line of potty mouths. My grandparents were poetic in their use of profanity and I do them proud on a daily basis. However, there are instances of my potty mouth-iness which will probably buy me several weeks, if not months, in purgatory.

• Several years ago while driving down Dowlen Road after a building boom of churches, I looked at another building being constructed and told my sister, "It's probably just another damn church."



• When I walked out of church a couple of weeks ago, I said a little too loudly, "Gotdammit, it's cold!"



• This one doesn't have cussing, but I'm sure I didn't gain any heavenly favor either. While looking at a free calendar I got from church with pictures of saints, I told my other sister, "This is a pretty calendar, but Ava trumps St. Jude." (My kids gave me a calendar for Christmas with different pictures of The Grand-Fabulous Ava on every page.)

P.S.
When I was making notes for this post last week, I wrote the following cryptic phrase, "It's fucking Christmas Eve!" I think someone told me a funny family Christmas story and that was the punchline and now I can't remember the story. If you're reading this post and it's your story, help a senile young woman out and tell us the story in the comments. You can be anonymous, if you like. I won't tell God.

My two newest television addictions...as though I need more

Cesar Millan - Dog Whisperer on National Geograhic Channel

(Click here for more information.)

Shatner's Raw Nerve on Biography Channel

(Click here for details and videos.)