Saturday, March 31, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
Now I have a problem. Actually, I have two problems. The first problem is, since I watched the video, the slightest thing will cause that song to run through my head and I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally start singing it out loud ("It's my dick in a box.")
The second problem is, every time I open the door to go to Carly's part of the office, all I can think of is dicks in boxes. It's getting really hard (no pun intended) to come up with excuses to explain why I have a big smile on my face every time I open that door.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Bless me father for I have...sinned?
- Elliott Yamin's new CD
- more karaoke CDs
- Perfume: Escape, Euphoria
- summer clothes
- DVD-R/VHS for my DVR machine
- one of those cool car battery jumpers you plug into your cigarette lighter
- fireproof box (I FINALLY GOT MY PASSPORT!!)
- electric drill/screwdriver (I have some remodeling to do)
- electric toothbrush (mine bit the dust...BIT the dust...get it?)
- charger for my new cell phone (my son gave it to me...I didn't buy it)
- leather case for my new phone
- big ass trip to SAM'S!
- browse my Amazon.com shopping cart and buy more stuff
Come on Easter!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
- Last week I didn't like Phil or Gina at all and this week they were both very good.
- Don't hate me, but I give Sanjaya props for not cowering at all the ridicule he must undoubtedly know he's receiving and come out with a six inch high ponytail mohawk.
- Since Sanjaya is obviously bulletproof and, as Simon so aptly said, in his own universe, I think Chris Sligh will be the one to go home this week.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Don't Say I Didn't Show You Something
We found this:
Ghost Hunters Radio!
- Beyond Reality with Jay and Grant! A new on-air LIVE radio show with Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson from TAPS and the SciFi Channel's Ghost Hunters. A lively show full of the paranormal from angles you've never heard before.
- We will be live, unedited and able to take YOUR CALLS! Funny, controversial, education and sometimes downright weird.Tune in to AM 630 WPRO every Saturday night starting April 21st from 8-10pm EST! Or catch the internet stream here. Don't miss it!
Monday, March 26, 2007
That's even better than the one I received a few weeks ago from a lovely person named "Splashing Twat" who was offering me excellent prices on erectile dysfunction medications. I would think that someone named "Splashing Twat" would know all about that sort of thing.
Texas Unidentified Missing Persons Online Bulletin
Click on the picture beside each entry for more details.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Another Trip to Houston
I went back to Houston this weekend to visit Cory and Jamie. That's Jamie up there getting bigger and hungrier every day. We did some shopping and some eating and watched a few DVDs and relaxed, relaxed, relaxed.
We ate at Freebirds which has build-your-own burritos. We also had some outstanding sushi at Sushi Coast. At Sushi Coast we ate a delicious dessert, but we were so excited when we saw it, I forgot to take a picture until it was all gone.
I also took a little video of their dog Oakley which is below.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
President Bush, I'm Confused.
Allegedly, President Bush and his Gang (Posse, if you prefer) fired a bunch of United States Attorneys. These firings, for the most part, were not justified. I realize that these are not yet facts and are, at this point, only speculation. However, I don't trust Karl Rove as far as I could throw him and, believe me when I tell you, that ain't very far.
Now, the president says he will not allow certain parties to testify under oath even though they might be (may have already been, at this point) subpoenaed?! Would someone please tell me how this is legal by any stretch of the imagination?
Doesn't a subpoena compel a person to appear and testify under oath, no matter who your boss is? Isn't the whole purpose of having three separate branches of govenment to prevent such blatant...I mean...supposed abuses of power?
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Cheap Obscure Places to Eat in New York City
My suggestion for a future blog post was for him to talk about "cheap and obscure" places for a little Texas girl (that would be me) to eat whenever she finally makes it to New York City (one of these days). A fellow commenter and regular reader of Ruhlman's blog responded to my comment with a fabulous list of places to try.
Thanks C. Greco! The information is terrific. Here you go everybody. Enjoy.
- Don't be scared to eat street food. "Halal" food is the Muslim form of kosher - supervised by an imam, killed to minimize suffering, and to strict hygenic standards.
- Hot dogs are in two forms - boiled (a/k/a, "dirty water dogs"), or grilled (my preference, but then again, I eat anything with a grill mark on it).
- And the best souvlaki guy (Greek) is at 55th and Lex, on the southeast corner, next to Starbucks.
- But you might come across the Carribean guys (goat roti, etc.), the Indian guys, the falafel/shish Arabic guys (see above), the fruit smoothy guys, etc., etc. So eat already.
- Bourdain's favorite dogs are at any of the Papaya King joints, which makes sense, because he lives in Manhattan. (Papaya King is an offshoot of Gray's Papaya - I think it was a brother-against-brother dog war, but can't recall, exactly. Either will do.)
- But since I'm married to a Brooklynite and live in Brooklyn (although I am Manhattan-born), I gotta go with Nathan's in Coney Island, if you have time to schlep out there.
- The best souvlaki guy? Lexington and 55th, right outside Starbucks.
- My advice is, if you can't get it in the Texas hinterlands - then eat it.
- The best, in my book, is the ultra-thin, crispy pies served at Grimaldi's, just a subway ride across the water from Manhattan to Brooklyn.
- (And Jacques Torres Chocolate is a block away.)
- In Manhattan, John's Original Brick Oven Pizza on Bleecker is my recommendation, but you have to order a whole pie.
- Chinese food is, by and large, cheaper than most cuisines in NYC.
- My recommendation is to head into Chinatown - right next to Little Italy, by the way. (Chunks of it, like Mott and Bayard, used to be Little Italy.)
- Golden Unicorn - hardcore authentic. Chicken feet are on the menu, but the menu is in English, so fear not. Cantonese.
- Wo Hop - a New York favorite for insomniacs, students and musicians for, oh man, at least 30 years that I know about. Cantonese.
- Big Wong's. Cantonese.
- X.O. - supercheap. Cantonese.
- Joe's Shanghai - Shanghainese. Cheap and good.
- Go-Go - dim sum. Cantonese. (But a lot of these other places serve dim sum, too.)
- Peking Duck House - Pekinese. Only if you must have Peking Duck. This is the duck Holy Grail.
- One of the best Chinese places in NYC is across the water in Queens (Flushing) - Sweet & Tasty - but unless you're in Queens (and no one is EVER in Queens, unless you live there or are going on the Flushing "food crawl"), stick with Chinatown.
- Plus, if you want to load up on hard-to-get Chinese ingredients, there are tons of markets for herbs, spices, dried shrimp, pastes, etc. Follow your nose.
- OH, ONE CHELSEA FAVORITE: Rickshaw Dumpling, on 23rd between 5th/6th. Sit down, take out - great dumplings, with a variety of build-your-own dumplings-in-broth bases, if you want. Every time I take a class at ICE (Institute of Culinary Education, across the street), they're my lunch guys.
- A Salt and Battery - best fish n' chips in NYC. Authentic Brit "chippie" shop, heavily populated by homesick rugby players. (I was raised in Hong Kong and went to British schools - this is the most real you'll get outside of the British Isles).
- Daisy May's - voted NYC's best BBQ, second year in a row. They also have BBQ trucks in various places in the city if you can't get to the restaurant. Yes, I know you're from Texas and this sounds like sacrilege, but hey - we let you guys do Italian . . . and bagels.
- Dumpling Man - if you can't get down to Chinatown, this is your best bet for quick n' cheap dumplings.
- Noodle Bar - Pan-Asian. Big fun.
- Risotteria - for risotto lovers only. Fairly inexpensive Village hang-out.
- Basically, there is food on EVERY corner in NYC - either there are take out places (a lot have sit down, too), delis, soup/salad/sandwich joints, and the street food vendors. So if you are really on a tight budget, hit the trucks. They have everything from soup to smoothies to dogs to souvlaki to shish (kebab), to Indian, fruit salads, and even crepes (52nd, I believe, between 5th & 6th -outside of the Museum of Modern Art).
- If a place looks good, go in. Most of the el cheapo places have their prices posted, anyway.
- Momofuku's (not Momofuku Ssam's) - AMAZING Berkshire pork belly steam buns, and not viciously expensive. They do a lot of eclectic Asian dishes - ramen, soup bowls, small bites, etc. If you get there after 7, though, you'll have to stand and wait - no reservations, and no seats while you wait. Turnover is quick, though...
- ...and Veneiro's Pastry is right down the block and around the corner on 1st Avenue/11th Street).
- Gnocco Cafe
- Malatesta Trattoria
- Villa Mosconi
- Little Italy can be very touristy - avoid Grotto Azzura - but for some really good "red sauce" places, there's Taomina and the legendary Umberto's Clam House. (Do NOT make any mob-related jokes in there. Seriously.)
- And if you are in Little Italy, Ferrara's for Italian gelato, pastries, etc. It is 125 years old and beyond legend - mythic, in fact. It's only rival is Veneiro's, which, if you wind up going to Momfuku's, is up the block and around the corner. Chocolate chocolate-covered cannolis, is all I have to say . . . (!)
More helpful info:
- New York City subway map: http://www.nycsubway.org/maps/route.html
- If you're coming into La Guardia and don't have tons of luggage, there is a shuttle bus service that's a lot cheaper than a cab. (JFK has the train-to-the plane.)
- Citysearch.com will give the address, cross street and map (plus subway stop) to any place you're curious about.
I was upstairs when Gina started singing and I thought, “What the hell is that?” It sounded horrible. I understand, now, why Simon turns his head and sometimes doesn’t watch the performers. When I played back the DVR of Gina’s performance, I was so distracted by her Edward Scissorhands hair-in-the-face affliction; I didn’t really notice how bad the vocals were.
As for Phil, he needs to sing a whole song well, not just the end. At this stage of the game, most of them haven’t built up enough of a fan base to stay on the show after a mediocre performance no matter how good they’ve done previously. That is, unless your name is Sanjaya.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
So, it's possible this blog might occasionally disappear completely and it's probable that it won't be very pretty for the next few days while I mess with it.
Wish me luck. I sure hope all the stuff I gave up for Lent will make up for all the cussing I'll be doing over the next few hours (days?). I wonder if I can type with my fingers crossed.
In the mind (and genitalia) of a binder clip...
Co-Worker 1: Why did you do that?
Me: Because, I didn’t want those last three binder clips to be sitting in the tray thinking they might not ever be used.
Co-Worker 1: Or, they might be thinking, “Thank, God! We made it through another week without having to leave our comfortable little tray.”
Co-Worker 2: Or, THEY MIGHT JUST BE FUCKING BINDER CLIPS!
Me: You think binder clips "do it?"
Co-Worker 1: If they can think, I suppose they can "do it."
Co-Worker 2: AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 19, 2007
You are all welcome to join. There is something quite satisfying in telling someone (if only virtually) to K.O.C.A. rather than simply "Kiss my ass." It feels like more of a team effort.
So, anyone who has a problem with us today may K.O.C.A. and, as my aunt would no doubt add: "Pack a lunch because it's going to take you a while."
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
I Got a Puck!
I bought Bonnie and I two seats on the glass (front row for you non-hockey people) which makes the game very exciting...IF the action is on your end of the arena. That's a big "if." Most of the action was not on our end of the arena. So, we spent a lot of time talking and watching everything except hockey.
Toward the end of the game, we weren't really paying attention to anything in particular when Bonnie looked to our left and said, "What's that?" It sort of looked like a bird or something skipping along the seats. In a split second, I realized that it was a puck that had been shot all the way across the arena and it was headed straight at us.
Before even thinking about what I was doing, I jumped out of my chair, ran toward where the puck had landed and stared down a guy who was also going for the puck. I had the advantage, however, because I could actually see where the puck had landed while he only had a general idea of where it was. I grabbed the puck with an "in your face, sucka" move that would have impressed all of you.
Below are some more pics and a few videos.
It's All My Fault
- Retail sales excluding automobiles unexpectedly dropped 0.1 percent.
- The figures point to a gradual slowdown in consumer spending.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Stingaree Music Festival Schedule
Whole weekend: $65
First, by day:
Friday, April 13, 2007
Beer Garden Stage
- 2:00 - 2:45 Gougers
- 3:00 - 3:45 Graham Wilkinson
- 4:00 - 4:45 Dedringers
- 5:00 - 5:45 Medicine Show
Tiki Bar Stage
- 3:45 - 4:00 Romi Mayes
- 4:45 - 5:00 romi Mayes
- 5:45 - 6:15 Adam Carroll
- 11:00 - 11:45 Ryan Bingham
- 6:30 - 7:00 Sam Baker
- 7:15 - 8:15 John Evans
- 8:30 - 9:30 Ray Wylie Hubbard
- 9:45 - 10:45 Hayes Carll
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Beer Garden Stage
- 12:00 - 12:35 David Lee Kaiser
- 12:50 - 1:35 Graham Wilkinson
- 1:50 - 2:35 Ryan Bingham
- 2:50 - 3:35 Deringers
- 3:50 - 4:45 John Evans
Tiki Bar Stage
- 2:35 - 2:50 Roger Marin
- 3:35 - 3:50 Roger Marin
- 5:00 - 6:15 Travis Linville
- 11:00 - 11:45 Combo Mahalo
- 12:35 - 1:20 Graham Weber
- 1:35 - 2:20 Gougers
- 2:35 - 3:20 Sam Baker
- 3:30 - 4:00 Wrecks Bell
- 4:10 - 5:00 Adam Carroll
- 6:30 - 7:00 Jesse Dayton
- 7:15 - 8:15 Corb Lund
- 8:30 - 9:45 Todd Snider
- 10:00 - 10:45 Stone Coyotes
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Tiki Bar Stage
- 2:45 - 3:00 Graham Weber
- 3:45 - 4:00 Graham Weber
- 5:15 - 6:00 Medicine Show
- 12:00 - 12:35 Travis Linville
- 12:45 - 1:30 Jesse Dayton
- 1:45 - 2:45 Canadian Songswap w/Corb, Romi and Roger
- 3:00 - 3:45 Sisters Morales
- 4:00 - 4:45 Hayes Carll
Now by time:
Friday, April 13, 2007
- 2:00 - 2:45 Gougers (Beer Garden Stage)
- 3:00 - 3:45 Graham Wilkinson (Beer Garden Stage)
- 3:45 - 4:00 Romie Mayes (Tiki Bar Stage)
- 4:00 - 4:45 Dedringers (Beer Garden Stage)
- 4:45 - 5:00 Romie Mayes (Tiki Bar Stage)
- 5:00 - 5:45 Medicine Show (Beer Garden Stage
- 5:45 - 6:15 Adam Carroll (Tiki Bar Stage)
- 6:30 - 7:00 Sam Baker (Tent Stage)
- 7:15 - 8:15 John Evans (Tent Stage)
- 8:30 - 9:30 Ray Wylie Hubbard (Tent Stage)
- 9:45 - 10:45 Hayes Carll (Tent Stage)
- 11:00 - 11:45 Ryan Bingham (Tiki Bar Stage
Saturday, April 14, 2007
- 12:00 - 12:35 David Lee Kaiser (Beer Garden Stage)
- 12:35 - 1:20 Graham Weber (Tent Stage)
- 12:50 - 1:35 Graham Wilkinson (Beer Garden Stage)
- 1:35 - 2:20 Gougers (Tent Stage)
- 1:50 - 2:35 Ryan Bingham (Beer Garden Stage)
- 2:35 - 2:50 Roger Marin (Tiki Bar Stage)
- 2:35 - 3:20 Sam Baker (Tent Stage)
- 2:50 - 3:35 Dedringers (Beer Garden Stage)
- 3:30 - 4:00 Wrecks Bell (Tent Stage)
- 3:35 - 3:50 Roger Marin (Tiki Bar Stage)
- 3:50 - 4:45 John Evans (Beer Garden Stage)
- 4:10 - 5:00 Adam Carroll (Tent Stage)
- 5:00 - 6:15 Travis Linville (Tiki Bar Stage)
- 6:30 - 7:00 Jesse Dayton (Tent Stage)
- 7:15 - 8:15 Corb Lund (Tent Stage)
- 8:30 - 9:45 Todd Snider (Tent Stage)
- 10:00 - 10:45 Stone Coyotes (Tent Stage)
- 11:00 - 11:45 Combo Maholo (Tiki Bar Stage)
Sunday, April 15, 2007
- 12:00 - 12:35 Travis Linville (Tent Stage)
- 12:45 - 1:30 Jesse Dayton (Tent Stage)
- 1:45 - 2:45 Canadian Songswap w/Corb, Romi and Roger (Tent Stage)
- 2:45 - 3:00 Graham Weber (Tiki Bar Stage)
- 3:00 - 3:45 Sister Morales (Tent Stage)
- 3:45 - 4:00 Graham Weber (Tiki Bar Stage)
- 4:00 - 4:45 Hayes Carll (Tent Stage)
- 5:15 - 6:00 Medicine Show (Tiki Bar Stage)
Courville's and American Idol
This year, American Idol, has left me feeling a little, how shall I put this? Blah. It's a little...um...yeah, that's it...blah. I miss Bo Bice and Constantine. By God, I even miss Bucky. Remember George Huff and Jon Peter Lewis? Last year there were so many that I enjoyed: Ace, Elliott, Chris, Taylor. Oh yeah, there are girls on this show, too, aren't there? Stay with me. I'm trying to make a point.
Maybe it's because it's so early in the season, but I'm almost certain that I'm usually far more enthusiastic about the contestants than I have been this year. Then, to top it off, I get home from Courville's after watching the aforementioned incredibly talented Charlie A'Court and find out that freakin' Sanjaya is still around to torture me for another week.
The reason my mind wandered to American Idol while watching Charlie A'Court was because, as I watched this wonderfully talented man sing his heart out, I thought about all the talent all over the country that I still don't know about. Yet, American Idol can't come up with twelve people to grab my interest and excite me after auditioning hundreds of thousands of people.
Something is very wrong with this picture. I think next season, American Idol should skip the ridiculous audition process and head out to the small music venues across America and find the real talent that is out there. With some of that Coca Cola money, I'm sure they could even coax some of the "I wouldn't be caught dead on American Idol" crowd to give it a shot for one season.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
One of These Days
After I knock her gently on the head rendering her still capable of living a full and wonderful life, yet, incapable of standing behind that counter, reading books and trashy tabloids all day and issuing the occasional wax museum admission ticket, I will take my rightful place behind the counter reading books and trashy tabloids all day and issuing the occasional wax museum admission ticket.
Don't worry. I know exactly where to hit her. I Googled it.
Added This Week in to Wolfgang's Vault
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Well, maybe not more productive.
But, I would sure be more comfortable.
And, really, isn't is all about my comfort?
I wonder if it's the time change that caused me to:
- dream I was trapped in a seedy motel room with Eddie Izzard,
- freak out because I was trapped in a seedy motel room with Eddie Izzard,
- sit up in bed,
- look at my closet door and think there should be a window there,
- look at my open bedroom door and think there should be a closed motel room door there,
- freak out again,
- finally wake the hell up; and
- finally lay back down and go back to sleep.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Can You Tell the Difference Between...
I'm Really Not a Disgusting Person
I moved on to the shaving legs portion of my exciting Sunday morning and was interrupted by the need to blow my nose. As I blew a hearty blow, a booger flew out of my left nostril. I saw it go. I followed the path of the errant boog and, once again, couldn't find it. Double crap.
As I was on the floor looking for the runaway nose stopper, I raked up a handful of hair from my bathroom carpet. Guess it's time to vacuum.
I gave up on the booger and got in the shower and used one of my shampoos I hadn't used in a while and, Oh My God, the gunk under the bottle was not pretty. Wiped that up.
So, here I sit at my computer using my mouse which has patches of black body oils and heaven only knows what kind of bacteria thriving on it, to make a point. If this house should ever need a thorough CSI sweep, God forbid, with infrared cameras and magnifying thingys and chemical analysis, I will be forever branded a filthy person who didn't deserve to live anyway. Case closed.
This is what I need from you, my adoring readers. When the report appears in the newspaper about the squalid conditions in which Ms. Anderson lived, you must all write letters to the editor demanding a retraction. Tell them it was lies, all lies! She was not a disgusting person. You read it in her blog so it must be true.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
- 207 BC: Chrysippus, a Greek stoic philosopher, is believed to have died of laughter after watching his drunken donkey attempt to eat figs.
- 1514: György Dózsa, leader of a peasants' revolt in the Kingdom of Hungary, was roasted alive on a white hot iron chair. His captured companions were forced to eat his flesh.
- 1971: Jerome Irving Rodale, an American pioneer of organic farming, died of a heart attack while being interviewed on The Dick Cavett Show. When he appeared to fall asleep, Cavett quipped "Are we boring you, Mr. Rodale?". The show was never broadcast.
- 1923: Frank Hayes, jockey, suffered a heart attack during a horse race. The horse, Sweet Kiss, went on to finish first, making Hayes the only deceased jockey to win a race.
- 1972: Leslie Harvey, guitarist of Stone the Crows was electrocuted on stage by a live microphone.
- 1983: Tennessee Williams, American playwright, died choking on a bottle cap. He was in a hotel but was too drunk to leave his room or make sufficient noise to attract attention.
The list goes on and on. Check it out.
Friday, March 09, 2007
- I didn't mind that Jared and Sundance went home last night as much as I minded that Sanjaya got to stay. Both Jared and Sundance were pretty inconsistent and probably wouldn't have been around much longer anyway. But, Sanjaya?! Agghh!!
- Getting my wish that Antonella finally got voted off was no consolation for Sabrina leaving.
- There are websites which promote voting for the worst just so the voting outcome is skewed and the worst can stay on the show. There's no way of knowing if that's what's been happening already this season but, if it is, it sucks.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
As Jen puts it, both of these docs fall into the same category: people who cause pain in an "in-hole."
I especially hate it when the dentist talks to me when my mouth is full of stuff that he put in there. I also don't care for the inevitable awkward moment when the gyno tries to make small talk while kneading my boobs or gazing deeply into my hootch-a-rama.
Seriously, there is nothing you guys can say that would make me not want to stab you with a hand-sharpened toothbrush or beat you about the head with a cold speculum.
Eagle in Southeast Texas
The nest is located on the left side of Highway 105 going towards Vidor, west of the intersection of 1442 and Highway 105. I hesitated to list the location but, hopefully, my few southeast Texas readers will respect the nest. One site I saw advises that you stay in your car so that the eagles won't be disturbed.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
You have got to do this Stumble Upon thing. Be sure to click lots of interests in your preferences so you get a variety of sites. I haven't had any sites trying to sell me something, yet, and the sites I've landed on could populate a whole blog.
Uploaded by NY182
Play a Spamalot Game
If I Were a Carpenter
Today's lyric that I can't get out of my ear-brain:
If I were a carpenter and you were a lady, would you marry me anyway? Would you have my baby?
Maybe, I'll make a little run by the carpenters' union hall this afternoon and pretend I have car trouble. Maybe I'll marry one anyway even though I won't have his baaaaa-by.
This Week's Classic Concert Additions on Wolfgang's Vault
Faces Swing Auditorium 03/07/1975
Tears for Fears Hammersmith Palais 04/18/1983
Judas Priest San Antonio Civic Center 09/26/1982
Little Feat Sting 07/13/1992
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Happy Birthday, Stu! - Plus, an Online Gift Certificate Tip
I sent his son an online I-Tunes gift certificate for his birthday that somehow got lost among his junk e-mail. I read this tip online and it's a GREAT idea (I did it for Stu's Amazon gift certificate): Send the gift certificate to yourself and then forward it to the recipient!
Isn't that brilliant? I constantly get junk e-mails (at least I thought they were junk) saying I have this gift certificate or that gift certificate. In fact, I get so many that when I received my brother's gift certificate which I had sent to myself, I almost deleted it.
When you receive the gift certificate, you can then change the "Subject" line to something that will grab the recipient's attention. Also, since the e-mail is coming from someone they know, they will be less likely to delete it without opening it.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Add Flavor to Taste?!
What the hell does that mean? Even though Healthy Choice has made another commercial explaining their methods for adding flavor in healthier ways than just adding salt, the phrase still makes no sense to me. Isn't "flavor" and "taste" the same thing?
Isn't adding "flavor" to "taste" like adding "scent" to "smell?" I'm telling you. It makes no sense.
While I'm on the subject of commercials, on the Dodge truck commercials they talk about "class-exclusive" this and "class-exclusive" that. What is "class-exclusive?"
Speaking of truck commercials, I don't know about the rest of the country, but, here in Texas, trucks are constantly being advertised. However, they use the same music on those truck commercials for years. That music, along with the general tone of the whole commercial, leads you to believe a person is un-American or un-Texan if they don't own a truck...a BIG truck.
Maybe those truck commercials just need to add some "touch" to "feel."
Sunday, March 04, 2007
A Frightening Realization
The little girls were about 5 or 6 years old and were just having a good old time. Evidently, another little girl, about the same age, who had been sitting behind me thought that looked like great fun so she went down to the rail to join them.
When the brunette of the two original little girls saw the second blonde walk up and start dancing with them, she quit dancing and went back to sit with her parents. The first blonde, however, kicked it up a notch which, in turn, caused the second little blonde girl to really get her groove on.
The girls never spoke to each other and only gave each other the most casual of glances, but the competition was evident. Suddenly, the first blonde girl stopped dancing, tapped the second blonde girl on the shoulder and pointed to the man who was sitting in front of the rail below them and said quite proudly, "That's my dad!" (Dad, by the way, had been intently watching the game and had no idea what was going on three inches behind his head.)
As I watched the interaction between the little girls , I thought, "Oh, my God. I've seen this a million times, in school, in bars...hell...everywhere." It was frightening to think that these social situations begin so young. Two dueling females (one of them sometimes not even realizing there is a duel) competing for the attention of a clueless man who has no idea what's going on.
Oh, and lets not forget the brunette who walked away at the slightest hint of competition or confrontation. That would be me.
At Least I Didn't Break Anything
I was talking to the paralegal whose office is two doors down from his office. As I exited her office, I tripped over a box and stumbled two steps making a sound not unlike that of a herd of stampeding elephants. My not-so-graceful stumbling brought me to a screeching halt right in front of the new guy's open office door where he was, of course, sitting.
Not only was he sitting there, he was looking out his door to see what all the racket was about. When I realized I wasn't going to fall all the way to the ground, I was so happy that I looked up with a big stupid grin on my face. A quick glance to my left brought me eye-to-eye with the new guy.
I just looked at him and said, "Laurie." I do know how to make a first impression.
Jamie's Singing Debut
Saturday, March 03, 2007
"I have a wonderful husband."
At some point, though, The Wheel began to get on my nerves. The hyperactive contestants, the constant clapping, the ageless Vanna White (who still looks good, by the way) became too much to bear. I have since opted for Seinfeld, Raymond or King of Queens reruns which I watch while eating my Stoeffer's Lean Cuisine. Don't judge me. I've turned out just fine.
The most irritating, nauseating, annoying thing of all, however, the thing that sends me screaming for my remote control, is the way ninety percent of the female contestants describe their children as "fantastic" and their husbands as "wonderful." Just once, I'd love to hear a contestant say:
"Well, Pat, my ungrateful children are constantly embarrassed by me and told me they would disown me if I came on this retarded show, so screw them. If mama's a big winner, you can all kiss my ass. My husband? You mean the raging alcoholic who won't get a job? That guy? Yeah, screw him, too, although I quit doing that years ago."
I, actually, think Pat Sajack would love that.
I hate it when that happens. Of course, for someone who has given up drinking for Lent, that's as close as I've been to a head rush in a while.
Friday, March 02, 2007
In Defense of MySpace
I originally set up a Myspace page due to peer pressure from my younger friends and my nieces and nephews and I rarely looked at it. I have now, however, found a genuine advantage to being on MySpace and I'm not talking about all the messages I get from men who seem to think that every woman on MySpace is there for dating purposes.
The advantage of which I speak is the bulletin feature which enables me to keep up with all of my favorite local bands and festivals. It's also how I found out about those great ghost hunter trips. For those of you who don't know, all you have to do is add the sites of things and bands and people you're interested in to your "Friends" and they will occasionally send out bulletins to all of their "Friends."
Granted, I can't stand to look at most of the sites for more than about three minutes because my non-14-to-25-year-old brain can't handle all the blinky stuff and graphics and weird fonts without going into sensory overload. However, it has been really cool to be asked to be "Friends" by some of my son and daughter-in-law's actual friends.
Yeah, I'm one happenin' chick.
- My two least favorite contestants and worst singers this year (Antonella and Sanjaya) continue to hang on because God has a sense of humor and loves to annoy people who watch this show. At least Sanjaya was shocked. I always feel kind of bad for the less talented when they have to be the butt of everyone's ridicule for yet another week.
- This is the most emotional bunch of contestants I have ever seen. We haven't even reached the top ten and half of them are already losing their shit every time someone gets voted off.
- I've been watching this show for five of its six seasons and I've never seen the lunatics take over the asylum like they did last night when Alaina "Cry Me A River" Alexander couldn't sing her going-away song and called all the girls to join her on the stage for a hug-fest. I bet the director was having a stroke.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Why Are Farts Funny?
This theory is confirmed by the fact that the funniest farts are the ones that are the least expected. For example, a fart is funnier if it comes from someone who doesn’t usually fart or when the fart sneaks up on you in an inappropriate location (Macy’s, church, job interview, etc.).
Even if it’s your own fart and you know the fart is coming or if your dear friend or spouse announces an impending fart, the element of surprise is still there. How will the fart sound? How will the fart smell? Will I gag? Will he hold the covers over my head? Will we eventually divorce or will we continue to live lives of quiet desperation?
In summary, yes, farts are funny. No big surprise there.