Sunday, December 19, 2010

It's, Oh, So Quiet Official Video with Lyrics on Screen

Have you been wondering who is singing that song on the HBO promos with the girl screaming? It's Bjork singing "It's Oh So Quiet."

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thanksgiving 2010

Stories to follow...

Saturday, November 20, 2010

My Son Turned 30 Last Week

I'm not sure how my son can be so old while I'm still so young, but he turned 30 last week.  We had a birthday celebration at a local Mexican restaurant.  It was amazing to see all his friends grown up with families of their own.  I've know these kids since they were crazy teenagers and it's amazing to watch the adults they've become.  Love you all!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

This and That

There is a big difference between the "popcorn" button on the microwave and the "potato" button on the microwave.  A big, smell-up-the house, burnt-to-a-crisp difference.  Pee-yew!  I pushed the "potato" button instead of the "popcorn" button two hours ago and it still stinks in here.

The top part of the head of my electric toothbrush broke while I was brushing my teeth yesterday morning.  It broke in my mouth.  While I was brushing my teeth.  It was the exact same size as a molar, so I thought I had spontaneously lost a tooth while doing nothing more than a little vigorous tooth brushing.  Yeah, I freaked out.

The key that opens the office door will not open the office mailbox which is in the lobby where people will walk past as you try the key in several different mailboxes because you think maybe you forgot which mailbox is the office mailbox and you will wonder for the rest of the day if people thought you were trying to steal mail.

I accidentally bought 2% milk instead of my usual non-fat milk and I feel like I've been drinking milk shakes all week.

I got an e-mail about Domino's "NEW SPECIALTY PIZZA !!!!" and was thoroughly disappointed when I opened the e-mail and found out it is a six CHEESE pizza.  No meat?  Doesn't sound very special to me.

Do you want to confuse the person taking your order at the fast food drive-thru?  Any fast food drive-thru?  You know how the drive-thru person annoyingly asks you if you want whatever the special-of-the-day is, before you've even had a chance to decide what you want?  Next time they ask, "Would you like to try our new burger bites!?" or "Would you like to try Popeye's new chicken gizzards!?" or "Would you like to order the Family Pack tonight?!", just say, "Yes."  No matter what they offer, say yes.  I did that the other night when the girl at Popeye's asked if I wanted the "Fried Crawfish Tackle Box" and the poor girl was stunned into silence.  Try it.  It totally freaks them out.

(Comes with biscuit and a side.  Delicious!)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Monday, November 01, 2010

Halloween Recap

The Grand-Fabulous Ava

The Grand-Fabulous Lucas

Bonnie and Laurie

Ava and her cousin Cameron

Mom and Aunt Hazel

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Ava-ism of the day

"Grandma, sit by me on this bench and lets talk about...bugs."


Saturday, October 23, 2010

Year of the huh?

I went to my neighborhood fast food Chinese restaurant/take-out joint.  I wasn't sure what I wanted, so instead of going through the drive-thru like I usually do, I went inside.  While I was waiting for my food, I noticed the wall calendar to the left of where people stand to order their food.

As I read the calendar, I noticed it was for the "Year of the Rat."  Agghh!!  Why would you put a calendar up in a RESTAURANT drawing unnecessary attention to vermin?

Then, I thought, "Shut up, dummy.  It's a cultural difference and you should embrace it instead of criticizing it." 

Then, I noticed the year on the calendar:  2008.  2008.  Nah, that's not a cultural difference, that's just dumb.  Let's leave up a two year old calendar with a big picture of a rat on it where people are ordering their food and in direct view of where people sit to eat.



Just wrong.


Sunday, October 17, 2010

Ava Gets a Brother

My son and daughter-in-law are the proud parents of the latest addition to their family.  That's him up there at five days old watching the "chipmunk movie" with his big sister Ava.  His name is Lucas and he weighed 9 pounds and was 22 inches long.  Three year old Ava is in love and cannot stop saying, "Momma, he's so cute!"

After his first sponge bath in Ava's presence, Ava's mom mentioned that she wished she had a hairbrush to brush Lucas' hair.  Ava said, "We have one, mom."  Jamie said, "Yes, but we need a baby hairbrush."  Ava got off the bed, went to Lucas' room, we heard the opening and closing of a cabinet door, then Ava came back into the room with an unopened package containing a baby hairbrush and comb.  Jamie had forgotten they bought it.  Such a good big sister.

During Lucas' birth (he was a planned home birth), Ava spent the day with me.  She also spent a lot of the next four days with me including a few slumber parties with grandma.  Here are a few Ava-isms from the weekend:

"Grandma, you need to buy a back yard."  (I live in a townhouse)

"Grandma, who makes it dark?  God or Jesus?"

"Where did you get this purse, Grandma?"
"Aunt Kim gave it to me."
"Did you tell her thank you?"

"Ava, grandma doesn't have any Butt Paste here for your bottom."  (That would be Boudreaux' Butt Paste for those of you who don't know.  It's a southern version of Desitin.  Ava had a little rash on her heinie.)
"You need to put it on your list.  Also, a Mickey Mouse sippy cup for me."

Ava singing her ABCs before (actually, during) bedtime...

I have one last Ava story (soon, there will be lots of Lucas stories).  While Jamie and I were talking the other night, Ava was playing in front of the television.  She looked up at the television, then looked at Jamie and said, "Momma, that man looks like one of my daddies."

Jamie said, "What do you mean 'one of your daddies?'  You only have one daddy."

"He looks like one of my daddies!" Ava repeated.

"You only have one daddy, Ava,"  Jamie said.

"I know," said Ava.

"He looks like your daddy?" Jamie asked.

Ava looked at Jamie as if to say, "Isn't that what I've been saying all along?" and said, "Yeah."

Ava went back to playing with her baby dolls and I imagined her thinking, "Geez.  Grown-ups."

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

My Superficial Review of the New Television Season

As you will see below, I'm not impressed.  I haven't watched all of the new shows, but half of them I started to watch all began with some sort of dead body, so I changed the channel.  I'm not even kidding about that.  I wish I was.

Blue Bloods -
Yes.  Anything with Donnie Wahlberg gets a shot with me and ten points extra credit.

The Defenders -
Yes.  Las Vegas, Jim Belushi and Jerry O'Connell?  What's not to like?  Lots.  I like it anyway.

Hawaii Five-O -
No.  Too much testosterone.  Not that it's not quite nice testesterone.  I just prefer my testosterone to be mixed with a huge infusion of intelligence.  If a chase scene lasts more than ten seconds, I lose interest.  Too many chase scenes.  Too many explosions.

Mike and Molly -
No.  I like Mike and his partner and I like Molly.  Swoosie Kurtz and Molly's sister are annoying.

Sh*t My Dad Says -
No.  The book is hilarious and you should buy it immediately.  This show is more mean spirited than clever.  My family is full of dads like the one in the book and there are ways to be crass and always say almost the right thing that always comes out wrong without also appearing to be a jerk.  Maybe the mistake was casting William Shatner (who I love) as the dad.  Someone equally cranky, yet softer than Shatner (Bob Newhart-ish?) would have been a better choice.

Raising Hope -
No.  I couldn't watch ten minutes of this one.  (Sorry, Kara...Kara is my cousin and loves this one.)  It bugged the crap out of me.

Oursourced -
No.  I have no idea how this premise made it past the first network executive, let alone into primetime. 

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

More Senior Citizens

Other people who will qualify for their "Yeah, baby!" discount this year...

Steve Earle
Rowan Atkinson
Christopher McDonald
Penn Jillette
Mick Mars
Chow Yun-Fat
Jimmy Smits
Bill Gates
Jane Kaczmarek
Kevin Costner
Eddie Van Halen
Angus Young
John Grisham
Arsenio Hall
Gilbert Gottfried
Jeff Daniels
Kelsey Grammer
Howard Jones
Steven Jobs
Dee Snider
Gary Sinise
Bruce Willis
Earl Campbell
Michael O'Keefe
Tom Bergeron
Olga Korbut
Debra Winger
Bill Paxton
Roseanne Cash
Dana Carvey
Sandra Bernhard
Julie Hagerty
Laurie Metcalf
David Alan Grier
Willem Dafoe
Billy Bob Thornton
Wayne Knight
Peter Gallagher
Nina Blackwood
Maria Shriver
Whoopi Goldberg
Howie Mandel
Billy Idol
Steven Wright

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Now, that's some good looking senior citizens, right there

Six months ago, my 1974 graduating class of Thomas Jefferson High School in Port Arthur, Texas decided to start getting together for lunch once a month.  This Saturday was our biggest gathering yet and we had a fabulous time, as always.

When I saw this picture that was posted on Facebook last night, I was struck by the fact that this year we will (or already have) hit that magical senior citizen discount threshold of being 55 years old.

Now, you tell me.  Do those people up there look like senior citizens to you? I think we need a new phrase for the discounts we baby boomers have so rightfully earned.  The phrase must not include the words senior, silver, golden or elderly.

How about a "Yeah, Baby!" discount?

"I would like to use my 'Yeah, Baby!' discount, please."

I like the sound of it.


Saturday, September 04, 2010

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

I am champion!

I've had my Wii Fit for about a year and a half now.  Each Wii Fit and Wii Fit Plus skill has four levels of achievement:  beginner, amateur, intermediate and champion.  After a year and a half, I have finally reached the champion level on a skill.  That's a picture of the "skill" up there. 

The skill is in the yoga section of Wii Fit Plus and it's the skill of meditation.  More specifically, it's the skill of sitting on the Wii Fit board with your legs crossed in front of you while staring at the flame on your television and listening to soothing music.

Not only is this my first champion skill in Wii Fit, but I also achieved that status on my first try.  Put another way, I am a "champion" at sitting on my ass in front of a television.

I've had years of training.


Sunday, August 29, 2010

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Real Reason I've Gained 10 Pounds in the Last Year


For some reason, I decided to look at my online banking statement for the past 12 months and sort it alphabetically. 

I expected to be disgusted with myself for the number of entries to, appalled to see the money I've spent at the Hallmark Gold Crown store near my house and surprised by the number of trips to Sam's Wholesale Club.  Imagine my amazement at seeing the absurd amount of entries for Kroger (groceries), Sonic, McDonald's, and various and sundry bars and restaurants throughout southeast Texas and southwest Louisiana.  Holy crap. 

I'm one person.  One.  Why does one person need so much food?  Granted, I've been known to pick up a few tabs here and there, especially if mom and my kids are with me, but damn.  I shudder to think how beautiful my IRA would look if I had put all that food money toward my retirement bottom line instead of toward my waistline. 

From this day forward, no more restaurants, no more bars, no more eating out.  I will buy only fresh produce, dairy and meat and will cook every meal. 

-  -  -  -  uh  -  -  -  -

Never mind.  Who needs to retire, anyway?

Monday, August 09, 2010

More Time With the Giga Aunts

Aunt Hazel, Aunt Gladys, Aunt Delores, my mom Ruby

About ten years ago my two sisters, sister-in-law and I took my mom and three of her sisters to New Orleans.  My brother said, "You each have one to look out Giga Pets."  Since then, we still refer to them as Giga Aunts when four or more of them (there are five sisters) are together.

Saturday, I went with mom and three of her Giga Sisters to Delta Downs casino.  As usual, it was an educational experience.

***  Aunt Gladys told us about being pulled over by a highway patrolman who walked up to her car and when he came to her window, he looked at her and smiled.  She asked why he was smiling and he said, "You're wearing the same perfume my grandmother used to wear."  He let her go with a warning.

***  She also told us that her grandson's first day of work "will be yesterday."  Interesting time concept there.

***  It's always fun when the oldest sister is around, because the other sisters still find out things they didn't know about their childhoods.  One topic of conversation was the origin of their names: 
  • My mom Ruby was named after the town prostitute.
  • Aunt Delores was named after Delores Del Rio, because when their mom was in labor the men were sent to the movies and when their dad got back from the movies he informed everyone that the new baby girl's name was going to be Delores.  Period.  No discussion.
  • Aunt Hazel was named after a boat grandpa saw one time.
  • Aunt Bernice was named Bernice because the mid-wife didn't know how to spell Eunice.
  • Everyone thought long and hard, but nobody knows where Aunt Gladys got her name.  Aunt Gladys is the youngest.  Maybe grandpa and grandma said, "I'm glad this is the last one."  Glad this.  Gladys.  Get it?  Never mind.
Nobody won any money, but spending time together made us all winners.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

According to Delta Downs, I am a senior citizen...

Exactly one month from today, I will qualify
for the "Senior Buffet" at Delta Downs
racetrack and casino.


Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Aunts and Uncles of Walmart

Sunday afternoon (after the roast beast and before the joy ride to Port Arthur) I introduced my aunts and uncle to the People of  My mom had received some of the Walmartians by e-mail and had shown the e-mail to them the night before.

I said, "You ain't seen nothin', yet.  There's a whole website full of those folks."

This particular set of relatives (Aunt Gladys - 63, Aunt Hazel - 65, Mom - 75,  Aunt Bernice - 77 and Uncle Henry - 80) are ultra-hip for their respective ages due to the fact that their children (my siblings and cousins) are uber-cool. 

We try to keep them up on the latest trends.  We give them e-mail accounts.  We get them addicted to Facebook.  For all their worldly pop-culture coolness, however, they weren't prepared for the glory that is the People of Walmart.

"Oh, my God!"

"What the hell?!"

"Doesn't she have a mirror?  Who let her leave the house like that?"

"His ass is sticking out.  His entire ass!"

"I'd like to pour spackle into his crack.  Idiot."  (That was Uncle Henry.)

"Can't she feel the breeze?  She has to feel the...she's not wearing underwear!  AAGGHHH!!!"

"Good lord!"

"Is that a man or a woman?"

"It's a woman.  Look at her boobs.  Are those boobs?  I don't know anymore.  I think they're boobs."

My uber-cool work for the day?  Done.

Monday, August 02, 2010

I've Lost a Beautiful Blogging Friend

A couple of years ago, I met Teresa Burns because she commented on a blog post I made.  We both live in the same town, but never made time to get together although we spoke of it through comments and e-mails often.  Shortly after Teresa started her blog in 2008, she found out she had ovarian cancer.

She wrote occasionally about her cancer battle, but not exclusively.  She had a life, after all, which included a beautiful daughter and a loving husband.  If you'd like to read her courageous blog posts, click here.

God bless you and your family, Teresa.  I know you will be missed.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Test posting from my phone

Picture post test.

This and That


Now, they say calcium supplements will give you a heart attack.  I give up.  I'm going to start eating bacon and eggs at every meal.  Screw it.

American Idol

Jennifer Lopez?  Steven Tyler?  P. Diddy?  W…T…holy…F? 

Phrase I'm Going to Start Using

"Slow your roll" = calm you down.  "You need to drink another beer and slow your roll, before you have a heart attack.  Oh, and stop taking calcium."

Difference Between Us and Them

I heard a British announcer the other day say that the fans of some team or another were upset with their team because of the team's tendency to "surrender the lead" in matches.  Surrender the lead.  That sounds so much more refined than the typical Texan version of the same sentiment: "choke."  As in: "F*cking Astros choked again!"

Thursday, July 29, 2010

My newest guilty pleasure

At least once a week, someone rushes into the elevator while deep in conversation on their cell phone.

They continue to talk...loudly.

They suddenly realize they haven't pushed their floor button.

They frantically lean over everybody trying to reach the button for their floor.

On a really good day...for me...they miss.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Little More Dad Weirdness

As mentioned below, today's my dad's birthday.  This morning, I had a piece of junk mail from the e-mail address "rolex @ clownlicense . com".  Thanks for the "hello" this morning, dad.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

I heard this song the other day and it made me think of my dad. I'm not sure why except that he was a magician and he loved music and he loved to dance. The lyrics just seem to fit, you know?

Happy Birthday, Dad! Love you.

Monday, July 26, 2010

How to Talk to the Ladies

Saturday night I worked the registration table at my baby sister's 30-year class reunion.  From where I was sitting, I could see the smokers outside the front glass sliding doors.  At one point, I thought I noticed a few of the guys looking in at our registration table and they seemed to be talking about us, but I told myself, "Seriously, Laurie, not everything is about you."

Right about the time I had that thought, one of the guys broke off from the pack, came through the automatic glass doors, walked right up to me, looked at my nametag and said, "Class of '74?"

I said, "Yep.  Class of '74."

I thought he was going to ask if I knew a brother or sister that might have also graduated in 1974.

Instead, in typical southeast Texas fashion, he said, "That's some old shit right there."

Keep in mind that he was there attending the reunion for the Class of 1980.  His shit is not that much younger than my shit. 

When he saw the surprised look on my face, he said, "No....I mean... I look good.  1974.  That's old.  I mean...."

I said, "You sure do know how to talk to the ladies."

Poor fella, mumbled a little more then went back outside probably to pay up on the bet he just lost. 

Moral of the story:  If you're trying to tell a woman she looks good for her age, stay away from the words "shit" and "old", not necessarily in that order.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Ava's Newest Phrase

I spent some time with my 3 year old grand-fabulous daughter today.  Her newest phrase:  "You're driving me nervous."

Examples (both of which she used today):

"That dog is driving me nervous!"

"Grandma, you're driving me nervous!"

I really try to not drive her nervous, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Hurricane Tracking: It's Not Your Grandmother's Tracking Chart

Remember the olden days when the only updates we received about tropical storms and hurricanes were the latitude and longitude coordinates and we had to manually plot those coordinates on tracking charts?  No spaghetti models.  No freaking cones of freaking probability.

I've always been obsessed with the weather.  I could name the types of clouds when I was 6 years old.  Now, with all of the information available I have crossed from obsessed with the weather to possessed by the weather.

I'm a Demonic Hurricane Tracker.

I need a hurricane-orcism.

The tools of my obsession:


Golden Triangle Weather Page

National Hurricane Center

Spaghetti Models


Weather Underground

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Painting with a Twist - Laurie and Mom

Tonight, mom and I painted pictures at Painting With a Twist.  Here's my painting.  I didn't take a picture of mom's.  Shame on me.  I'll post hers another time, because I'm sure there will be many more.  Since I don't have enough walls, guess what you're all getting for Christmas.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Dumbest thing I've done today... so far...

...dropped the curling iron on my neck/shoulder/self.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

R.I.P. Bug

I just saw a dead bug floating legs up in my toilet.

Rest in please, you poor stupid dead bug.


Today, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

However, my phone wasn't in my pocket.

It was sitting on my desk...not vibrating


Wednesday, July 07, 2010


...does Ringo turning 70 make ME feel old?


Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Spindletop Roller Girls and Painting With a Twist

Thursday, July 1 at 7:00 p.m.  Just three more home games including this one.  I'll be there.  Will you?

I'll be attempting to paint the lovely picture above on July 16th at Painting With a Twist.  You bring your favorite beverage, snacks and friends and instructors walk you through the painting of the day.  Sounds so fun.

Painting With a Twist
The Oaks Shopping Center 229 Dowlen Rd., Suite 11A
Beaumont, TX 77707
(409) 866-0399

Mmmmmmmmmmm...peanut butter

The grandson of a friend of a friend...

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Then THAT happened...

I risk the wrath of my son, mother and every sibling, relative and friend I have to tell you the following story, because it's for your own good.

As I was driving down a deserted street near my house a short while ago, the car in front of me suddenly stopped and the rear door opened.  I reached for the shift to put my car in reverse, because I thought someone was going to get out of the car and attack me or shoot me or just generally freak me out in some way.  Instead of one of the above, a very large girl spilled out of the door and stumbled into the ditch beside the road.  Then, the car drove away.


I drove a short way, turned onto my street and stopped.  I couldn't just let the girl lay in the ditch, could I?  Could I?  No, I couldn't.  Idiot.  What would a sensible person do?  A sensible person would go home, dial 911 and crouch behind her curtains peering into the evil darkness.  Not me.  I am not a sensible person.  I opened my car door and shouted to her, "Are you okay?"

The girl was making unintelligible grunting sounds which in my freaked out state of mind meant she had been kidnapped, beaten and dumped on the side of the road.  As I considered my next move, the car that had dumped the girl and driven away, came back.

My first thought was that the car came back to pick up the girl and that would be the end of that.  That first thought was erased when I saw that the people in the car had seen me.  As they turned onto my street, I got back into my car and tried to haul ass.

This is the part of the story where I risk the wrath of my family and friends to tell you a very important thing.  If bad people are following you, do not...I not drive into your own fucking garage of the very  house in which you actually live.  Be a normal person and pull out your cell phone and calmly drive around as you dial 911 explaining to the police in a very calm voice that possible kidnapper-murderer-rapist-girl dumpers are following you around your neighborhood.

By the time I realized I had been a dumbass by turning into my very own driveway, one of the possible kidnapper-murderer-rapist-girl dumpers had gotten out of their car and was shouting at me.  Holy fuck.  I closed my garage door, ran in the house and dialed 911.

Dispatch told me there was a police car very close to me and that they would first go check on the girl and then come talk to me.  When the officer got to my house, he explained that they had found the girl and all the parties involved where I had last seen the girl, because the possible kidnapper-murderer-rapist-girl dumpers were there trying to get the very intoxicated girl back into the car before somebody called the police. 

I asked, "Are they going to come back to get me?"

The policeman said, "They're all too drunk to know where they are.  The woman in the ditch had been hitting her boyfriend in the car and when they stopped the vehicle to try to make her quit hitting him, she jumped out of the car and fell into the ditch."

I said, "So, they're not going to come get me?"

"No," he said.  "The woman was definitely the aggressor in this whole thing and is going to jail for public intoxication and the rest of them went on their way."

"So, they're not going to come get me?

"No," he repeated.  "They are not going to come get you."

So, here I am.  Safe and sound.  Typing a blog post.  My blogging friends will understand.  In the midst of my fear and panic and anger at myself for being the stupid girl we've all screamed at in every horror movie/ murder mystery we've ever seen, my main thought was, "This is going to make a great blog post."

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Another Strange Nudge From Our Dad

My brother called me last night with an unbelievable story.  I told him to write it down and e-mail it to me.  This is my brother's story of his father's day message from dad...

"Back in the '70s, my Dad did a bit of traveling as Ronald McDonald. Thirty-five or so years ago, he came home from a trip and had an autograph he wanted to give me. The autograph was from Jethro Pugh. At that time, Jethro Pugh was a star defensive lineman for the Dallas Cowboys, "America’s Team" and my favorite team, still is. I took that autograph and proudly tacked it on the bulletin board in my bedroom. That autograph hung on my bedroom wall for 15 years or so.

A few weeks ago I had to plan a trip to New Orleans. I booked the trip myself. I normally use the corporate travel agency, but was given the chance to choose my own seat. I like sitting near the wing and by the window. However, on this flight the only seat I could choose in the area of the wing was a center seat, row 16 seat D.

After boarding the flight I saw a tall gentleman coming toward my row. He fell into the seat and said, “It's hell gettin’ old.” My reply? “Amen, brother.” We started having the usual airplane conversations. “Are you from New Orleans?” He said, “Nope, Dallas.” I asked, “Why were you in New Orleans?” He replied, “Airport retailing conference.” He continued, “I own a few shops in the Dallas airport.” Being cordial I asked which ones. He listed about four or five shops. The first he mentioned was Jethro Pugh’s.

My first thought was, no flippin’ way am I sitting on an airplane next to the same guy my dad sat next to nearly 40 years ago. So, I questioned him a bit more. I asked him how he got involved with Jethro Pugh. He told me that some friends convinced him that owning shops in the Dallas airport would be a good business investment. I then asked the big question: “What’s your name?” He, of course, replied, “Jethro Pugh.”

I shared my story with him about my dad and the autograph he had given him thirty or so years ago and he thought it was funny. “Small world,” he said. We talked about the Cowboys back in the “America’s Team” days and he told me that when the Cowboys traveled to New Orleans for two Super Bowls, coach Tom Landry would tell the players, “The French Quarter is off limits.”  Jethro Pugh seems to be a great guy and it was a joy meeting him.

Mr. Pugh also shared with me that he wasn't even supposed to be on my flight, but that he had left the conference early.  And, ended up on this particular flight...sitting next to to my seat...a seat that I had personally picked weeks ago.

My thoughts, of course, are that dad set all this up. How else do you explain it? How could I end up sitting on a plane next to one of the greatest Dallas Cowboys that ever played the game and who my dad had also sat by forty years ago? Did I mention that it was two days after Fathers Day? Coincidence? Not in a million years.

God is great and thanks, Dad. You never cease to amaze us.

If you read this blog, you know about the photo that showed up in the Beaumont paper the day before Fathers Day.  It wasn't actually dad, but it sure looked like him. Can’t wait to see what’s next."

Stu also had this to add about some restaurants he ate at while in New Orleans...

"Coops Bar - on Decatur next to Margaritaville - Cajun/Creole - Some of the best I have ever had. And, I have had a lot. Allegedly, they are famous for their fried chicken.  However, I just don’t have the heart to pass up the Jambalaya Deluxe: tasso, shrimp, crawfish, chicken and sausage.

Stanley CafĂ© – northeast corner of Jackson Square across from St. Louis Cathedral. “Breaux Bridge Benedict” - you will never look at breakfast the same way again. French bread, boudin, poached egg and Hollandaise sauce…add a little Cajun Chef hot sauce….OMG. Can’t wait to get back."

Sunday, June 20, 2010

You may or may not think this is weird...

I receive the Beaumont Enterprise online.  Today, Father's Day, I read Saturday's edition.  This is the picture that was on the front page of the Saturday Beaumont Enterprise.  To me, the guy hydrating in the top half of the article looks just like my dad...

This is a picture of my dad taken after he cut the grass one day shortly after it rained, because dad always had to do things right away and patience was not one of his virtues...

You might not see the resemblence, but I sure do.  Happy Father's day, dad, and thanks for the weird.  You know how much I love the weird.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Of course, there's some weird...

My cousin Lisa passed away yesterday and, of course, we had some strange experiences.

Lisa's mom, my Aunt Delores, "saw" her mother (our Grandma Elise who passed away when my mom was 16 years old) and she told Aunt Delores that she would be there to meet Lisa.  Grandma Elise had also told Aunt Delores shortly before my dad passed that she would be there to meet him.  She also told Aunt Delores that even though she had never met dad in life (my mom met dad after her mom had passed away), she knew him. 

My smoke alarm downstairs kept beeping Monday night, but I assumed it just needed the battery changed, which I did. Now, I have to wonder if it was spirit related since my smoke alarms always go off within a week or a few days before someone in the family passes.  I don't like it when my smoke alarms beep and I'm not burning toast.

Mom's internet wasn't working Tuesday (or maybe Wednesday), so she was sitting at her desk messing with other stuff. When she picked up her old "planner" to try to decide whether or not to throw it away, a piece of paper fell out with the words "Artie Zinck" on it. Artie is Lisa's dad who passed away several years ago.  Mom can't remember why or when she put the paper in her planner.

Last night, I was checking my DVR queue and found that my machine had recorded a movie yesterday morning called, "In God's Hands."  I have no recollection of setting my DVR to record that movie and have no idea why I would have wanted it.  Do DVRs sometimes randomly record things?  It's never happened to me before.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

We love you, Lisa

Mom just called to let us know that our cousin Lisa passed away this evening. Lisa has had multiple sclerosis all of her adult life and she fought a brave battle and always had an amazing spirit. We love you Lisa. God bless you and Aunt Delores, Kathy and Mike and all of you who love her so much. Lisa, tell dad and Alan and Ray hello and happy Father's Day. Love you.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Kevin Costner Puts the Icing on My Cake

Remember my post about feeling caught in a 1950s horror movie?  As California trembles under tremblor after tremblor, leading man Kevin Costner has come to the rescue of big bad BP.  No really.  It's true.  My surreal-ality is complete.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Frampton Comes Alive...Again

Tonight (last night, actually), I saw Peter Frampton at the Isle of Capri casino in Lake Charles.  He was as energetic, talented and charismatic as ever.  His voice and guitar playing were everything I remembered from the last time I saw him in 1980 in Beaumont.  The show lasted a full two hours which included a twenty minute encore.  If he brings his tour anywhere near you, you should try to go.  His version of "Black Hole Sun" alone is worth the price of admission.

After the concert, we went to Crockett Street and caught Joe Mendoza and Smokin' Joe Soliz and their band (which is currently nameless, although the name might or might not be "The Joe Mendoza Blues Band") at The Hub on Crockett Street.  These guys are amazing and will be playing on the patio at Cafe Del Rio Friday, June 18, 2010.  You should go.  I'll save you a chair.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Like a Virgin

I love '80s music.  Madonna, Whitney Houston, Cyndi Lauper, Flock of Seagulls.  Love it.  Tonight I was in a bar and "Like a Virgin" came on.  I looked around and realized that a good portion of the people there weren't even born in the '80s.  That really flocks my seagulls.

Click here for tons if '80s videos.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

This and That

First of all to my cousin Sandy who keeps up with the family through my blog, everybody is doing fine.  You need to get on Facebook  If you guys are on Facebook, e-mail me so we can find each other.  Mom is on there, too.

Second, the Beaumont Walmart has been completely remodeled and looks very nice...for a Walmart.  There are also many new grocery items to choose from.  I thought I probably looked like an idiot staring up at the names above my head on the signs at the ends of the aisles and wandering from one end of the store to the other until I noticed that everybody in the store had that "Children of the Corn" look on their faces.  I wasn't the only person completely confused by the new store layout.

Third, there was a fly in my office today...on the fifth floor.  How does a fly get to the fifth floor of a building?  Did he take the stairs?  Did he ride the elevator?  Am I crazy to still be thinking about this four hours after I left work?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Think the Mayans Were Right

Every day I read something on that makes me think I'm in the middle of a 1950s horror movie or speeding toward those Mayan priests' predicted end of the world...

Livermore, California (CNN) -- Scientists at a government lab here are trying to use the world's largest laser -- it's the size of three football fields -- to set off a nuclear reaction so intense that it will make a star bloom on the surface of the Earth."

Sure.  Why not?  What could possibly go wrong?

"Scientists at the J. Craig Venter Institute have created a synthetic cell that can survive and reproduce itself according to an artificial DNA sequence, promising designer genomes with which researchers can produce sophisticated artificial organisms."

Create new life forms.  That always turns out well.  Ask Dr. Moreau.

Then, there's the whole monster Blob of oil knocking on my southeast Texas back door.  As if The Blob weren't bad enough, the chemicals being used as dispersants to break up the oil don't give me a warm fuzzy feeling either. 

The latest kick in the head concerning The Blob?  Hurricane season starts next week.  CNN has this to say about that:  "Not only is it hard to track how contaminants would be redistributed by a hurricane, but it's also hard to predict how the slick would affect the storm..."  and this, "...other scientists say the storms could be stronger than usual because the black oil would heat the water faster and accelerate formation of hurricanes...."

Add an earthquake every other week, Korea going nuts all over itself, Jesse James, Kate Gosselin and Janet Jackson's weird hairdo last night on American Idol to all of the above and I'd say we've got trouble.  Big trouble.  Ray Harryhausen caliber trouble.

I hope somebody's out there looking for a King Kong to take care of all these Godzillas.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Beaumont Farmers Market Opening Day - Saturday, May 22, 2010

WHO: A group of people that love to garden, love the earth, want to buy local produce and want to eat healthy

WHAT: Beaumont Farmers Market

WHEN: Starting Saturday, May 22 nd, 8-11 AM, every Saturday until Sat. Oct. 30th

WHERE: Downtown Beaumont, College and Main, Beaumont Library, across from City Hall

WHY: Connect or Reconnect people to the earth, seed to table

Click here for the website. 

Click here for vendors (I'm not sure if this is a complete list or not).

Opening Day Special Events:

Mystery Shopper

Tomato Plant Give-a-way to first 50 kids (photographer will be on hand, I think the pictures are $5 each)

St. Mark's Vespers Acoustic Team

Jefferson County Master Gardener Information Table

Thursday, May 20, 2010 thumb!

Tonight I had dinner with an old friend at a new restaurant.  This was my second time at Major League Grill and I can officially recommend it.  The food is a bit pricey, but not unreasonably so considering that all of the entrees and appetizers my friends and I have ordered have been truly fantastic.

We had a few drinks (64 beers on tap Saturday, 36 beers on tap tonight...not sure what that was all about...and 100 beers bottled...or something).  I had a margarita and a bananananana colada which were both terrific.

My friend had a beer called a Delirium Tremens which according to some guy who came up to our table is the "Best Beer in the World."  I said, "How do you know that?"  He said, "It was written on the box."  I told him that anybody can write anything on a box and he went away.  Nevertheless, it was one helluva beer (8.5% alcohol content and amazingly tasty), so this discovery required a trip to Spec's.

At Spec's a/k/a The Most Funnest Liquor Store in the World, the Delirium Tremens shelf was of course empty, being the "Best Beer in the World" and all, so my friend special ordered some.  I'm going to be keeping my eye on that shelf. 

I also saw a container of $500 a bottle tequila, tequila in a gun bottle, tequila in a rifle bottle and a bottle of Crystal Head Vodka which I had totally forgotten has something to do with Dan Aykroyd.

What does all this have to do with my thumb?  When I got home, I was very excited to find that my 3D glasses had come in.  Yes.  I actually ordered and paid for 3D glasses.  I'm tired of searching my entire house for the 3D glasses that I know are here somewhere, but I can never find during Super Bowls and MTV Movie awards and things like that, when they suddenly spring 3D events on me and I don't have the appropriate eyewear.

As I was opening the box of my 3D glasses treasures with my box cutter, I cut the sh*t out of my thumb.  Luckily, a margarita, bananananananan colada and part of a Delirum Tremens beer has dulled the pain and I seem to have stopped the bleeding.

Tomorrow is another day, Scarlet.  I'll worry about that thumb tomorrow.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Things You Should Do

You should go to Major League Grill in Beaumont.
(4430 Dowlen Road - near Steinmart, 409-898-7500)

You should go to The Hub on Crockett Street.
(My friend Andrew is now the manager.)

You should see Shawn Pittman if he is playing anywhere near you.

You should have friends like Patty and Doug and Art and Richard and family like mom and Terry and Dan and Bonnie and Katie and Chloe and Steve to hang out with.

You should be very jealous of me.

Terry and Chloe

Terry and Katie

Terry and Dan


Shawn Pittman

Laurie and Richard

Laurie and Art

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The missing men of Deepwater Horizon oil rig - Times Online

I was curious about the men who are missing and presumed dead from the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon and found this article...

The missing men of Deepwater Horizon oil rig - Times Online

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Happy Mother's Day to me...and to YOU, too!

I always have to justify big purchases whether it's a $40 Miche bag purse shell or a $200 Wii.  That's why I buy myself Christmas presents and birthday presents and Mother's Day presents and 4th of July presents and Memorial Day presents and Arbor Day presents... 

I started drinking coffee about ten years ago when I discovered that it is, basically, a legal drug.  Anything that makes a person feel that good should be banned in all fifty states.

My Mother's Day present to me is the single cup Keurig coffee brewer you see above.  You should justify one for yourself.

Happy Mother's Day, everybody!

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Grand-Fabulous-Daughter Ava Moments

The Dish Ran Away With the Spoon
The Grand-Fabulous Ava spent the night with me last night. Ava is almost 3 years old going on 14.  Between trying to keep her from going upstairs by herself ("I can do it, Grandma!") and helping her get on the potty ("I can do it by myself!"), making breakfast can be a challenge. 

After a couple of bites of my scrambled eggs this morning, I realized I was eating my eggs with a spoon instead of a fork.  I remember pulling a fork out of the drawer to eat my eggs like a normal adult and Ava had her special green Ava spoon, so where did the spoon I was eating with come from?  I suppose I probably don't want to know.

Ava has named the new baby
When Cory and Jamie found out Ava was going to have a baby brother, one of the names that was tossed around was Harry.  Ava has decided that her baby brother's name is going to be "Harry Potter Anderson."  I'm not sure we're going to be able to unring that bell.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dear American Idol:

Dear American Idol Producers:

                Please replace Kara DeGardenia with Shania Twain.

                Thank you.



Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Seemed pretty ordinary to me

Today I had a Lean Cuisine for lunch.

The instructions on the back of the box included the words "Revolutionary Grilling Tray (tm)" not once, but twice in the description of how to heat my sandwich. This is a picture of the revolutionary tray...

Looked and cooked just like all the other little grilling trays Lean Cuisine has been using for years. Nothing "revolutionary" about it. It's not like I was expecting fireworks or muskets or Redcoats or anything, but...still.  Revolutionary?  Idiots.

Monday, April 26, 2010