My Grandchildren Have Found My Blog

It was bound to happen. I started my blog in 2004...14 years ago. Today, my 10 year old granddaughter Googled herself and found this blog. She’s about to find out how crazy her grandma really is.

Sweet Dreams are Made of These

I was babysitting the kids the other night and I told my six year old granddaughter it was her bedtime.

She said, "Grandma, tonight I want you to put me to bed after I pass out. Do you know what 'pass out' means? It means that I can't even keep my eyes open and can hardly move anymore."

I said, "No, we can't do that tonight. It's a school night."

As I was walking her to her bedroom, she sadly and quietly said, "But, I wanted to pass out."

I feel you, sister.

It's not even eight o'clock, yet?

I've babysat my two grand-fabulous-children (ages 5 and 2) the past two days, just during the day, while Jamie had a church function and Cory had training. 

At approximately 7:15 this morning, the dog crapped on the floor. I saw him in the act and he wouldn't stop. I ran to the kitchen to get something to clean it up while hollering at Ava, "Where's Lucas? Keep him away from the hall!" She hollered back, "He's back here with me! He just spilled all my milk on the carpet in the sun room." 

I cleaned up the dog poop and ran to the sun room to clean up the milk the best I could so it wouldn't sour the rug and WOO WEEE (!!!), Lucas had a big stinky gift for grandma in his diaper.

All of this happened in about 10 minutes time. As I changed the stinky diaper, I looked at my watch and thought, "Good grief, it's not even 8 o'clock, yet."

I wasn't going to share this with anyone, because I didn't want Cory and Jamie to think I minded one single minute of watching the kids, but one of the first things Ava told Jamie when she walked through the door was, "Oakley pooped on the floor!"

Busted.

Today's Ava-isms

In response to "how old are you?" to her Uncle Dan:  Wow!  That's a lot.

Telling a story about what we would do if she got hurt:  Y'all would be saying "Help me Jesus!  Help me Jesus" in her best Medea voice.

In response to meeting Nanny's friends:  Are they going to all get in my face?

At the fountain in Howell's:  "Wait.  What are you going to do?"

Driver's license:  Why do you have that mean look on your face.  Grandma has a funny looking picture in her wallet.  Show 'em grandma.

In Ava's Brain

During bath time when I was babysitting my 4 year old grand-fabulous-daughter Ava the other night, she started squeezing all the water out of her baby brother Lucas's bath toys.  She said, "I need to do this to get all the cow-dew out of them."

"Cow-dew?"  I asked.

"Yeah,"  she said.  "Cow-dew.  Look!  See that black stuff!  Cow-Dew!"

"Oh.  That's mildew."  I said.

"Yeah," Ava said.  "Mildew."

*  *  *

Tonight when I was babysitting Ava, she was telling me about rehearsing for her Christmas program.  

"The teacher kept asking us to be quiet and we tried to be quiet, but sometimes we kept talking," she told me.

"You know you have to listen when the teacher says to be quiet, right?"  I asked.

"Yes,"  she said.  "One time the teacher came and sat by us on the pubes so we would be quiet."

Since she goes to a Methodist preschool, I'm going to assume she meant pews instead of pubes and leave it at that.

*  *  *

Don't Go Back in the House!

I got a call from my four year old grand-fabulous-daughter yesterday. A fireman and firetruck went to her preschool Wednesday. She told me the following all in one big, rushed, important, excited breath, "Grandma! I got to go on a BIG firetruck! The fireman told us that if there's an emergency, we have to call 911. Do you know that grandma? Call 911! He said that if there's a fire to go outside EVEN IF IT'S DARK! Go outside. Don't go back in for your baby dolls. Don't go back in for your puppy. Don't go back in for your kitty. He said, 'Your mommy and daddy will buy you a new baby doll or a new puppy or a new kitty.' It won't be the same baby doll, but that's okay. Don't go back in the house! Okay, grandma?"

15 Minutes of Fame

My daughter-in-law went to a "Fame Party" and had the pictures below taken of their beautiful family. They are incredible. I'm not sure if this is available everywhere, but this is such a great idea. It's sort of like a Tupperware party, but with a photographer. Each family gets 15 minutes with the photographer and you purchase the whole CD of photos to do whatever you like with them. You can also purchase prints. Here's the link: Fame Parties.

"It Might be Diarrhea"

Saturday, I had lunch with my family including my 4 year-old grand-fabulous-daughter Ava.  As usual, while we were waiting for our food, she announced, "Grandma!  I have to go to the bathroom."  Her dad was the same way as a child.  Every trip to a restaurant required an inspection of the facilities.

So, off we went.  When we got to the bathroom, she went into the stall, locked the door and announced that she was a big girl now and I did not need to go in there with her and that I did not have to help her wipe.

I made a quick scan of the restroom and decided that, if necessary, I could squiggle under the door in the event of a potty emergency.  Although, I didn't have to squiggle under the door for Ava, in an unusual bit of foreshadowing, later in the weekend I did squiggle under a door into a restroom stall to assist a friend in need.  That's a different blog post.

There was a young girl in the restroom with us and as she was complimenting me on Ava's cuteness, Ava announced from the stall, "Grandma, I think I have to poo poo."

"Okay," I said.

"It won't come out," she announced.

"That's okay," I said.  "Take your time."

"I'll sing.  That always helps me poo poo better."

The young girl stifled a giggle and as she left, a mother/daughter duo came into the bathroom in the middle of Ava's Poo Poo Serenade.  It was a lovely lyrically creative and melodically diverse tune.  And, it was loud.

The mother smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Grandma," Ava said, "I'm going to take off my skirt and my panties.  If I don't take them off, I might get poop on them and then people will be walking by me and they'll smell something bad and they'll say what's that smell and it will be poop on my skirt and on my panties.  I'm going to take them off."

"That's a good idea," I said.

As the mother/daughter team left the restroom stifling their own giggles, another lady walked in.  At this point, Ava announced, "Grandma.  I think it's di-uh-reeee-uh.  Yep.  It's di-uh-reee-uh."

That was when I quit trying to stifle my own giggles and busted out laughing.  Ava decided that this new turn of events might require some extra grandma help with the wiping and opened the stall door for me.

I'm pleased to announce that there was no di-uh-reeee-uh and the skirt and panties remained poop free.

To paraphrase 10cc, "The things we do for love...like walking in the rain and the snow...and helping your grand-fabulous-daughter go."

Mission accomplished.

The Grand-Fabulous Ava's 4th Birthday Party

"We need to check the pipes!"

Friday night my 4 year-old grand-fabulous-daughter Ava and I had a sleepover.  As we drove into my neighborhood, I noticed water pouring down the sidewalk of an unoccupied townhouse. 

I said, “Wow!  A pipe must have burst. “ 

Ava asked, “A pipe?” 

“Yeah,” I said, “We need to call somebody.”

In the thirty seconds between seeing the house with the busted pipe and driving into my garage, Ava fretted about the leak.  She asked who we were going to call and what was going to happen.  I told her we would call the City of Beaumont and someone would come out to fix the pipe.  When we got in my house, I called the city and was told that they had many calls about busted pipes because of the drought we've been experiencing, so it might be a while before someone checked on the pipe.

Ava immediately went into action.  “We need to call my mom and dad!  We need to tell them we called Beaumont Texas The City!  We need to go check on the house again.  We need to check the pipes!”

We put our things away and walked down the street to the scene of the great busted pipe incident.  We sat on the sidewalk and waited for a “Beaumont Texas The City” repairman to arrive.  When he got there, he began explaining to me what would happen next.  I said, “Oh, it’s not my house.  We’re just nosy.”  He said a crew would be out as soon as possible, but probably not until the next morning.  Disappointed, we went back home.

At 6:20 a.m. the next morning, Ava jumped out of bed and announced, “Grandma!  I’m ready to put on my day clothes.  We have to go check the pipes.”

We checked on the pipe several times that morning and, at one point, brought chairs and water and Ava’s baby doll Mary and hung out down there for a while.  When we decided the pipe wasn’t going to be fixed before lunch, we left the situation to the fine people of “Beaumont Texas The City” and went to lunch at my mom’s house.

When we got to my mom’s, Ava explained the dire pipe situation to my mom and my sister including the fact that the man from “Beaumont Texas The City” said we were “rosie.”  We all looked at each other.  Rosie? Ah.  Not "rosie."  Nosy.  I had told the repairman that we were being nosy.  I’m guessing that at some point in Ava’s long life, someone has called her “Nosy Rosie.”  The logic of a 4 year old.


The next day, our family got together for a pre-Fourth of July celebration.  Ava and I went in the back yard and found that my mom had tiny bugs all over her patio.  Not thinking, I said, “Rue needs to call somebody.”

Once again, Ava sprang into action.  She ran into the house, grabbed “Rue” (that’s what she calls my mom whose name is Ruby), grabbed anybody else who would follow her and picked up a cordless phone from my mom’s nightstand.  She led everyone outside to the patio while punching numbers on the phone. 

She told everybody, “Don’t be afraid!  It’s not ants!  It’s just doodlebugs!  Everybody relax!  I’m calling Beaumont Texas The City!  It’s okay!”

I looked at Jamie, Ava’s mom, and said, “She’s very pro-active, isn’t she?”

Jamie just nodded her head and smiled.

Suddenly, Ava shouted, “She’s talking to me!  Beaumont Texas The City is talk….”

Then, she stopped and listened. 

She turned to us and said, “She says she’s sorry.”

We all looked at each other and looked back at Ava.  Ava handed the phone to me and then went back into the house to tend to other important business.

When I took the phone, I could hear the recording, “I’m sorry.  The number you have reached is not in service.  Please hang up and dial again.”

Ava was satisfied with the obvious deep concern that the anonymous woman at "Beaumont Texas The City" had with Rue’s doodlebug infestation.  All she needed was to hear a friendly voice say they were sorry.  Life is simple when you're four.

Ava and Lucas 4-10-11

Halloween Recap

The Grand-Fabulous Ava

The Grand-Fabulous Lucas

Bonnie and Laurie

Ava and her cousin Cameron

Mom and Aunt Hazel

Ava-ism of the day

"Grandma, sit by me on this bench and lets talk about...bugs."


.

Ava Gets a Brother

My son and daughter-in-law are the proud parents of the latest addition to their family.  That's him up there at five days old watching the "chipmunk movie" with his big sister Ava.  His name is Lucas and he weighed 9 pounds and was 22 inches long.  Three year old Ava is in love and cannot stop saying, "Momma, he's so cute!"

After his first sponge bath in Ava's presence, Ava's mom mentioned that she wished she had a hairbrush to brush Lucas' hair.  Ava said, "We have one, mom."  Jamie said, "Yes, but we need a baby hairbrush."  Ava got off the bed, went to Lucas' room, we heard the opening and closing of a cabinet door, then Ava came back into the room with an unopened package containing a baby hairbrush and comb.  Jamie had forgotten they bought it.  Such a good big sister.

During Lucas' birth (he was a planned home birth), Ava spent the day with me.  She also spent a lot of the next four days with me including a few slumber parties with grandma.  Here are a few Ava-isms from the weekend:

"Grandma, you need to buy a back yard."  (I live in a townhouse)

"Grandma, who makes it dark?  God or Jesus?"

"Where did you get this purse, Grandma?"
"Aunt Kim gave it to me."
"Did you tell her thank you?"

"Ava, grandma doesn't have any Butt Paste here for your bottom."  (That would be Boudreaux' Butt Paste for those of you who don't know.  It's a southern version of Desitin.  Ava had a little rash on her heinie.)
"You need to put it on your list.  Also, a Mickey Mouse sippy cup for me."

Ava singing her ABCs before (actually, during) bedtime...



I have one last Ava story (soon, there will be lots of Lucas stories).  While Jamie and I were talking the other night, Ava was playing in front of the television.  She looked up at the television, then looked at Jamie and said, "Momma, that man looks like one of my daddies."

Jamie said, "What do you mean 'one of your daddies?'  You only have one daddy."

"He looks like one of my daddies!" Ava repeated.

"You only have one daddy, Ava,"  Jamie said.

"I know," said Ava.

"He looks like your daddy?" Jamie asked.

Ava looked at Jamie as if to say, "Isn't that what I've been saying all along?" and said, "Yeah."

Ava went back to playing with her baby dolls and I imagined her thinking, "Geez.  Grown-ups."

Ava's Sleepover with Grandma

Ava's Newest Phrase

I spent some time with my 3 year old grand-fabulous daughter today.  Her newest phrase:  "You're driving me nervous."

Examples (both of which she used today):

"That dog is driving me nervous!"

"Grandma, you're driving me nervous!"

I really try to not drive her nervous, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

Grand-Fabulous-Daughter Ava Moments

The Dish Ran Away With the Spoon
The Grand-Fabulous Ava spent the night with me last night. Ava is almost 3 years old going on 14.  Between trying to keep her from going upstairs by herself ("I can do it, Grandma!") and helping her get on the potty ("I can do it by myself!"), making breakfast can be a challenge. 

After a couple of bites of my scrambled eggs this morning, I realized I was eating my eggs with a spoon instead of a fork.  I remember pulling a fork out of the drawer to eat my eggs like a normal adult and Ava had her special green Ava spoon, so where did the spoon I was eating with come from?  I suppose I probably don't want to know.

Ava has named the new baby
When Cory and Jamie found out Ava was going to have a baby brother, one of the names that was tossed around was Harry.  Ava has decided that her baby brother's name is going to be "Harry Potter Anderson."  I'm not sure we're going to be able to unring that bell.

The Grand-Fabulous-Ava

Ru's New Dog Sally with Ava

My mom, also known as "Ru" to Ava, has a new puppy. It's a French Bulldog named Sally. Sally has a pouty face like dad used to get when something annoyed him and she sits in dad's chair, snores, farts and follows mom everywhere. Mom says it's sort of like having a little bit of dad back.

Cleaning out my camera

My Christmas present to the Grand-Fabulous Ava


The Grand-Fabulous Ava cooking something for Oakley


My friend Jen is expecting a baby next month. We had her shower today.

This is the lovely (and delicious) cake.

Jen holding Becca's beautiful baby boy

(Click here for more pictures and videos.)