Wednesday, May 30, 2018

"Siri, kiss my ass."

Yesterday, I charged 82 year old mother's iPad, organized her apps and loaded some embroidery and knitting apps for her, because she is now all about the yarn.

After I handed mom her iPad, she started playing games and said, “I forgot how fun these games are.” After a few minutes, she asked, “What am I doing? What’s this?”

It was Candy Crush.

After about 30 minutes, I realized I hadn’t told her she would run out of lives, that she would have to wait for more lives to accumulate, and not to spend any money buying additional lives. After about 10 more minutes, mom threw her iPad at the footstool and said, “Kiss my ass.”

Then, she said, “What the hell was that? It’s talking to me! What the hell?” I had no idea “what the hell” was because I’m on Level 726 of Candy Crush and Candy Crush had never spoken to me.

When I picked up the iPad, I saw that mom had gotten so mad at Candy Crush that she had pushed the “Home” button too hard and activated Siri who was insulted to be told to kiss mom’s ass.

To demonstrate to mom what she had heard, I told Siri to also kiss my ass. Siri responded, “That’s not nice, Ruby.”

Mom asked, “She knows my name?!” She then told Siri to go to hell. Siri said, “I wouldn’t speak to you like that, Ruby.”

For ten more minutes we cursed at Siri. I showed mom other uses for Siri, but mom preferred telling Siri to kiss her ass over asking her about the weather.