In Which I Channel My British Side

Three Hot Chicks

Below is a semi-accurate, semi-literate transcription of a couple of very un-hot e-mail conversations of three hot babes over the last couple of days consolidated for your convenience and ribbed and lubricated for your pleasure. Let’s see if you still think we’re hot after reading this.

Babe 3 (to Babe 1): Do you feel better today?

Babe 1: Oh, I feel better today. I don’t think it was salmonella. I ate some mashed potatoes and a big ass pickle.

Babe 2: That sentence needs hyphenation. Did you eat a big-ass pickle or did you eat a big ass-pickle?

Babe 3: AHAHAHAHAHA!

Babe 1: I have gas today.

Babe 2: Maybe you should try removing the big ass-pickle.

Babe 3: I hate it when I have gas.

Babe 2: One time, I farted while making copies because there was plenty of noise in there and I knew nobody would hear me and, immediately after I farted, someone passed by in the hall and said, “Was that thunder?”

Babe 1: HAHAHAHAHA! It must have been a real ripper!

Babe 3: I used to work with a guy whose initials were FRT.

Babe 2: Farting is funny. (Agghhh!! I accidentally typed “farting is RUNNY.”)

Babe 3: Gross!!

Babe 1: You said fart.

The Cast:
Babe 1 – Fav File Clerk
Babe 2 – Miss New Orleans
Babe 3 – Jen T (soon to be E)

Wolfgang's Vault

I did a post recently about a site called Wolfgang's Vault. On this site you can listen to live classic concert performances. Each week, I get an e-mail letting me know which concerts have been added to the site. I'll start posting the additions here. They only add about five per week so this will get you all caught up on what's been added since I did the original post:

Quicksilver Messenger Service Fillmore West 11/07/1968
The Rolling Thunder Revue Technical University 11/02/1975
Commander Cody Calderone Concert Hall 08/13/1977
The Babys Bottom Line 03/24/1979
Earl Thomas Conley Sundance 01/15/1983
Duran Duran Madison Square Garden 03/19/1984
Bobby Bare Lone Star Cafe 08/15/1984
Boomtown Rats San Diego 02/27/1979
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young Fillmore East 06/04/1970
John Anderson Music Village USA 11/24/1984
Dio Philadelphia Spectrum 08/25/1984
Bob Marley and the Wailers Music Hall 06/08/1978
Lloyd Cole and the Commotions Atlanta 04/04/1985
Muddy Waters Blues Band Fillmore Auditorium 11/04/1966
Novo Combo Park West 10/21/1982
Traffic Winterland 01/26/1973
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers Hammersmith Odeon 03/07/1980
Nils Lofgren Tower Theater 09/06/1976
The Byrds Fillmore East 06/09/1971
Billy Cobham Bottom Line 02/20/1978
Talking Heads CBGB's 05/31/1977
The Persuasions Winterland 11/24/1972
Journey Summit Arena 02/03/1982
Jefferson Airplane Fillmore Auditorium 10/16/1966
Procol Harum Hollywood Bowl 09/21/1973

American Idol

The guys were much better this week. They even threw in some well done Jason Mraz and Jamiroquai, not to mention, Marvin Gaye.

I would hope that Sanjaya would go home Thursday, but he was in the top 4 (?!) last week so that might not happen. I'm worried that Brandon might go home because, as usual, Simon was right. This guy has one of the best voices in the competition and his song choice was bad, bad, bad.

I really like Nicholas Pedro (a lot) and A. J. Tabaldo (I like his enthusiasm when OTHER people are singing...a real cutie pie), but I'd rather see one of them go than Brandon.

Now, That's a Vacation!

I'm so glad I made Grant of TAPS my MySpace friend. If they ever do this again, I'm there. I'm a nut for the paranormal and this would be my dream trip. I could get some kick ass blog posts out of a trip like this couldn't I?

A Short Quiz

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do. You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very nice dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style. You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it. In relationships, you are practical and realistic. You have a romantic side, but you only let it out when it's appropriate.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

I Am Going to be SO Rich

I went to Houston this weekend to see my son Cory and my daughter-in-law Jamie. To briefly explain the pictures in the slideshow (below) and on Flickr (check the sidebar), Jamie is now about 4 months pregnant and Oakley had surgery on his knee. Cory's about the same as always.

Now, to explain how I'm going to be rich. We went out to eat Friday night and Cory picked up the check. It sure is cool when you have to fight your kids for the dinner check (although that's not how I'm going to get rich).

On Saturday, we went to P. F. Chang's for some absolutely outstanding chinese food which I insisted be my treat. We had two appetizers, soup, three entrees, two desserts and Cory had two beers. When I got the check, we couldn't believe it was under $100. We checked it and rechecked it until we finally determined the reason we were so confused. I gave up drinking for Lent and Jamie isn't drinking because she's pregnant.

Evidently, I automatically factor in alcohol costs even when I'm not drinking. This is going to be a very profitable Lenten season.

Here's My Question...

I stopped at Jack in the Box on my way home from work yesterday and ordered a Chicken Club Salad. When I got to the window and paid for my salad, the girl told me they were out of the Chicken Club Salad and she hadn't noticed until just then. Whatever. This happens to me all the time, so I'm used to it. So, I told her to give me the Asian Chicken Salad.

When I got home, I had an Asian Chicken Salad with the ranch salad dressing and crouton packets for the Chicken Club Salad instead of the wonton chips and sesame salad dressing which goes with the Asian Chicken Salad. Whatever. Once again, this sort of thing happens to me all the time. If you drive away from a drive-thru without checking your bags, whatever happens after that is your own fault.

We've come a long way in this post to get to my question. We're almost there. The Asian Chicken Salad has little mandarin oranges in it. I debated pouring the bacon ranch salad dressing over my Asian Chicken Salad then thought, "What the hell." It was actually quite delicious.

Finally, here's my question: Does ANYTHING taste bad with ranch dressing on it?

My Niece's Second World History Project

World History Project (columbus)

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My 3 Cents

1. It’s a sad state of affairs when, as war rages on in Iraq, the Anna Nicole Smith saga is the lead story every morning on the CBS Morning News.
2. Anna Nicole buried her son in the Bahamas, ergo, the place was of significant importance to her, ergo part two, she should be buried there with her son. Simple. End of story.
3. Call me when the DNA results are in on who’s the dad. Until then, there is no story.

Another Movie Post

One movie I try to watch but just can't seem to make it through the whole thing:
The Sound of Music

Two movies you might not have seen, but you should see:
The Philadelphia Story
It Happened One Night

Three movies most people love but do nothing for me:
Forrest Gump
Dances With Wolves
Jerry McGuire

Four movies from AFI's Top 100 I know I haven't seen (there were several "maybes" but these are the standouts):
Shane
Old Yeller
To Kill a Mockingbird (I haven't read the book either.)
Schindler's List

American Idol - The Girls

Okay, I'm all better, now. The worst girl tonight was better than the best guy last night. I feel much better about this season after watching the girls' performances tonight.

American Idol

If the girls aren't any better tonight than the guys were last night, they just need to give the title to "Beat Box Guy" and call it a season.

And God Said, "Let There Be Lent"

As of midnight last night, no drinking, no shopping and no XM satellite radio for 40 days. Actually, it's more than 40 days. From several sources, I find out that Lent doesn't actually begin until the First Sunday in Lent and ends at midnight on Holy Thursday. A lot of folks also say that Sundays "don't count."

All of that counting and keeping track is way to complicated for me. So, for my purposes, as of midnight last night until Easter morning, I'm not indulging in my three chosen...um...indulgences.

My first test comes this weekend when my niece and I go to Houston to visit my son and daughter-in-law. Where do you suppose they're taking my margarita loving self for supper Friday evening? You guessed it, a Mexican restaurant. Want to know what the plan is for Saturday (if I don't have to take my niece to a drill team competition)? Shopping at the Galleria.

Now, that's just mean.

Something Else to Worry About

Ever heard of geomagnetic reversal? Yeah, me neither. I'm not sure how we got on the subject here in the office but this paragraph is a tad worrisome:

The Earth's magnetic north pole is drifting from northern Canada towards Siberia with a presently accelerating rate -- 10km per year at the beginning of the 20th century, up to 40km per year in 2003. It is also unknown if this drift will continue to accelerate.

Now, that's just weird. I guess I'll have to ask Jack about this one since he's the smartest person I know. However, I either won't understand his explanation or he's going to scare the crap out of me. Either way, I do love to hear him talk smart.

Notes from Dinner With the Girls

Once a month for the last five years or so (could it be longer?), I meet for dinner with two girls I worked with in the 80's. One of the girls and I stayed in touch the whole time and we reconnected with the other girl after a brief 15 year intermission. We all live in different parts of southeast Texas and each month take turns hosting the dinner in our own city at the restaurant of the host-city-girl's choice.

Notes from our dinner in Orange (there were 8 of us last night...the party grows):

• Ex-husbands suck but at least we aren't married to them anymore.
• How the hell did we raise our kids (at least some of us) with no child support?
• Banks, credit unions, anyone you owe money to, do not care that you're divorced and he got the house, trailer, boat, car. When he stops paying, they still want YOU to pay for it.
• We have wonderful, beautiful, perfect children.
• A couple of the girls have wonderful, beautiful, almost-perfect husbands.
• We agree that people, in general, are way too germ conscious and that's why people, especially children, are so sick these days. My friends say they use the same cutting board for their chicken, bread and vegetables and, HORRORS, use a sponge in the kitchen. (I don't do any of that stuff but I was laughing too hard at them to admit it.)
• This led to the conclusion that we have so many germs in our kitchens that it has a botox affect on us and that's why we still look so good.
• One girl is convinced that the whole peanut butter incident is germ warfare (we also hit on this topic three months ago at dinner in Nederland). What more all-American thing could someone pick to contaminate than peanut butter?

I can't wait until next month, my little chiquitas!!

Salmonella and Me

I had a jar of the salmonella tainted peanut butter in my pantry. I've been happily eating it for a couple of weeks now. I like to eat it like ice cream with a little maple syrup poured on top.

Since I haven't gotten sick from the salmonella, we can possibly assume one of three things:

1. My jar wasn't contaminated.
2. I have so much salmonella in my kitchen, I'm immuned to it.
3. All the sushi I eat has my colon so full of bacteria, that the monster from Alien couldn't live in there.

I'm going with number one although number two and number three would explain why I'm the only person who never gets sick when I eat at Mr. Wok's House of Noodles. You know, the place. I'm sure your town has one. It's the one that receives its shrimp delivery at 7:00 a.m. on a hot summer day and doesn't bring it in until noon.

Mmmmm....noodles.

An Unintentional New Hobby

I have an embarrassing confession to make. While I have watched Blind Date, Honeymoon in Vegas and The Burbs at least a dozen times each, there are a lot classics I have never seen. For someone who has no qualms about ringing up a huge Amazon purchase and who has every movie channel available on digital cable, I'm a bit ashamed of myself.

Saturday night, I watched The Seven Samurai for the first time. I was so engrossed by the movie that, at times, I felt like I was actually understanding the Japanese language rather than reading the english subtitles. I expected the movie to be mostly about fighting but the characters were fascinating and I was surprised that there were even some romantic subplots. Next time I have three hours to burn, I'll watch it again.

Last year, I watched 2001: A Space Odyssey for the first time and, in the last two weeks, I have finally seen Star Wars (the first one!) and Life of Brian. So many movies, so little time.

Stingaree Music Festival Daily Lineup

We have a daily lineup for the Stingaree Music Festival at Crystal Beach 4/13, 4/14 and 4/15. My previous post (click here) has links to all these artists except the Medicine Show and Wrecks Bell. You can find links to those sites if you click on their names listed below.

FRIDAY
Gougers
Graham Wilkinson
The Dedringers
Medicine Show
Sam Baker
John Evans
Ray W. Hubbard
Hayes Carll
Ryan Bingham

SATURDAY
Romi Mayes
Travis Linville
Dave Kaiser
Roger Marin
Graham Weber
Gougers
G. Wilkinson
Dedringers
Ryan Bingham
Wrecks Bell
Sam Baker
Adam Carroll
Jesse Dayton
Corb Lund
Todd Snider
Stone Coyotes
John Evans

SUNDAY
Graham Weber
Shane /Jamie (Gougers)
Ryan Bingham
Adam Carroll
Travis Linville
Corb Lund
Romi Mayes
Roger Marin
Sisters Morales
Jesse Dayton
John Evans
Hayes Carll

Spaceship Dimension Comparisons

I think I may have mentioned that I've never seen a whole Star Wars movie or Star Trek episode or movie. Tonight, as I sat down to watch Seven Samurai, I noticed Star Wars was playing on HBO. After 30 years, I don't need to tell you it's a great movie. Unlike me, you've probably seen it a thousand times.

This post, however, isn't about Star Wars. It's about science fiction movie spaceships. The site Jeff Russell's Starship Dimensions is amazing. You can look at the various ships in different zooms and you can even drag them around the page to compare one to another.

Enjoy!

Mardi Gras Update: I fought the cold and the cold won

Pokerboss was right. I couldn't go all weekend without blogging. The reason I have time to blog is that the cold weather has put a big dent in my Mardi Gras spirit. I fought the cold and the cold won.

I know my friends up north will think I'm a big sissy, but the temperature in Port Arthur last night was 33 degrees with 15 to 20 mph winds. That's too damn cold for me. We didn't even stay for Pat Green and it's hard to catch beads when you're huddled up behind the beer tent trying to suck some of the heat from their portable heaters through a small crack in their tent.

Here's an update from a post I did about my Mardi Gras plans:

• Wednesday, 2/14 – Ray Wylie Hubbard at Courville’s: Wonderful food, wonderful show, wonderful friends
• Thursday, 2/15 – 9 Station Drive and Cross Canadian Ragweed on Crockett Street in Beaumont: Temperature at 11:00 p.m. when Cross Canadian Ragweed would have taken the stage was going to be about 28 degrees. Bonnie and I blew it off.
• Friday, 2/16 – Pat Green in Port Arthur: Too cold, left without beads or Pat Green.
• Saturday, 2/17 – Satisfaction (Rolling Stones Tribute band) at 3:00 p.m. in Port Arthur
  Saturday, 2/17 – Robert Earl Keen in Port Arthur (or Jazz Innovators on Crockett Street…haven’t made up my mind on that one): Did I mention that Bonnie fell last night and hurt her elbow? I'll probably be skipping all of this stuff, too.
• Sunday, 2/18 – Scott McGill at 5:00 p.m. on Crockett Street: I might be able to salvage Sunday by taking my niece downtown for the day.
• Sunday, 2/18 – The Neville Brothers at the Beaumont Civic Center (I JUST GOT ME A FRONT ROW SEAT!): Canceled.

Since today might be a bust, I'm leaning toward watching portions of my DVD box sets that arrived last night: The Complete Monty Python Flying Circus 16-Ton Megaset and Seven Samurai 3-Disc Remastered Edition.

I will fill my intermissions with trips upstairs to check out the New Orleans webcams and perhaps do a little online karaoke. Who says you can't have a party by yourself?

Blog-cation

I'm going to be busy with Mardi Gras until Sunday so I'm going to resist the urge to blog until next week. Happy Mardi Gras, everybody!

Read the archives!

Happy Valentine's Day!

This is going to sound crazy to most of you, but I love Valentine’s Day and I’ve never had a romantic one. I do hate the idea that people are required to show their lov-ah special attention but I do love all the hearts and flowers and sparkly stuff.

Of course, maybe I like it because I’ve never had a romantic Valentine’s Day. If you don't expect anything, you can never be disappointed. Hey, it works for me. I don't live in denial, I thrive in it.

Anyway, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, my sweethearts!

It's NUNS Time Again and a Couple of Shockers

Being raised a good little Catholic girl, I still try to give up something for Lent each year. For the past three years, I've joined Aisha in a little thing we created called NUNS which stands for: No Unnecessary Needless Shopping.

To accomplish this, for the forty days of Lent (which begins Ash Wednesday and ends Easter Sunday), we will not purchase anything that isn't a necessity. No books added to my bedside table, no new DVD's, no clothes, shoes, lipstick...you get the idea. It's harder than you think. Give it a try. Your checkbook will thank you and it also just might be that little extra kick you need to get you into the Pearly Gates.

Now, here are a couple of shockers. I have also decided to give up listening to my XM radio at work and, drumroll please, alcohol. If you're a regular reader, you know how much I love my XM radio and my cocktails.

In the past, I wouldn't (couldn't) give up drinking for Lent because we always had a New Orleans trip planned for March. This year, however, I've rented a beach cabin in April rather than taking time off in March to go to New Orleans. The week at the beach falls conveniently outside of the dates of my self-imposed Lenten obligations.

To keep me motivated on my forty days of no alcohol, I've done a little math:

• 6 drinks per week (conservatively speaking) x 200 calories per drink = 1200 calories per week
• 1200 calories per week x 6 weeks = 7200 calories
• 7200 calories = 2 pounds
• So, at the end of Lent, I will be two whole pounds lighter.
• Just two pounds?!
• Crap.
• That sounded better in my head.

Not Your Usual Blog Post

If you've accidentally landed here from a random search or by hitting "next blog" or through Blog Explosion, you might be shocked by this post. If so, move along, there's nothing to see here.

For the rest of my morbid and twisted readers, here are some unusual links for you that I've been holding onto for awhile. On some of these sites, you can actually win money in the Dead Pools.

Dead Musician Directory

Caskets on Parade

The Death List

Death Pool

You Bet Their Life

Man Mistaken for Nutria Shot in Face

Perhaps this news story is the reason I've been getting a lot of hits for "nutria."

I suppose this is possible if the guy was wearing a wetsuit and looked like Wilford Brimley.

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

I don't usually run quizzes two days in a row, but this one was so ME, I couldn't resist. By the way, my real answer to question 2 would be "all of the above."

You Are a Lime Margarita

Realistic and grounded, you have the energy to tackle any obstacle that stands in your way.Hyper and driven, you despise lazy behavior of all kinds... especially lazy drunks too tired to dance!

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

Pet Nutria

I've gotten four hits today for people searching for the term "pet nutria." They were directed to this lovely blog because of this lovely post. (I will spare you the re-posting of the lovely picture that you can see, if you dare, by clicking on the link.)

Four hits might not seem like much to you, but in the last week or so, I've been getting two or three hits a day for the search terms "nutria," "nutra," "nutria rat," or "pet nutria."

Is something going on out there in the nutria world that I should know about?

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Got this from Neal in Antarctica:

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

YeahuhcanIgiiiiiiittttt.....

When we were in high school, my brother would always blame his barfing due to overindulgence in alcohol on Jack In The Box tacos. Sorry, Jack. To this day, even though we've ratted Stuart out a hundred times, my mom will still tell you the story about how "those Jack In The Box tacos always made your brother sick."

One night, my brother came home, sat on the couch in the den with my mom and tried to appear normal. After about ten seconds of deep breathing and head swimming and useless denial, he bolted from the couch to the bathroom and ran smack into the wall leading into the hall which would have eventually gotten him safely, if not soberly, to the bathroom.

My mom's words of wisdom to my dumbass brother?

"Good."

(For the sake of my continued amusement of the following commercial, we shall all assume that this dude has not yet partaken of any mind numbing substances, is not driving under the influence and will eat his tacos after firing one up at his stoner pad when he gets home.)

Lamar Kicked Butt

Bonnie and I went to a Lamar Basketball game tonight with Kelly and Clay and their son Gates and two of Gates' friends. I love basketball and I'm ashamed I haven't been to more games. I haven't even been to a hockey game this year. Bad, bad, Laurie.

WARNING: Sad Pictures Below

When I did the post about the poor little bird that evidently got stuck trying to escape from the attic of my townhouse, some of you wanted pictures. Here they are. Please don't look if pictures of poor dead helpless animals make you sad. I post these in the name of science and for my more morbidly curious readers. I am, after all, a full-service blogger.

(By the way, for those of you who will no doubt comment that my air conditioner unit is leaning, that's not mine. That's the poor bastard who lives on the other side of me. I told him it was leaning and he's never done anything about it.)

Fog

You know how, sometimes you sit on the beach on a hot summer day and look up at the white fluffy clouds and think how lovely it would be to lay on one and float around the world in your little marshmallow hammock of love?

In reality that beautiful cloud of fluffiness is just wet nasty drops of water that flick at your face and fuck up your hair.

I really don't know clouds at all.

Poor Little Chickadee

Weird things continue to happen at my house. First, my garage door opener tried to kill me. The next day, my shower went to totally hot water for what seemed like an eternity. Granted, the hot water thing was probably caused by a renegade toilet but my toilets run all the time and I’ve never been scalded in the shower in the four years I’ve lived there.

This, however, is the creepiest so far. Last night, I got home from work and noticed what looked like a wasp nest on the siding at the back of my house where the garage meets the house. I got my big broom, went over there and it wasn’t a wasp nest. It was a bird’s head sticking out from between the siding! A dead bird’s head. It was so sad. How long did it struggle before it died?

Now, I have to leave it there because I’m certainly not going to break its little neck and take the head (UGH!). So, now what? Are things going to eat it? Am I going to have a bird skeleton head sticking out of the back of my house?!

I don’t even like birds but, in my mind’s eye, I can still see its poor little fluffy dead head sticking out from between the siding.

These are the kinds of things you hear from people who have abandoned haunted houses. “We didn’t think anything of it, at first. But, when I found the washing machine filled with blood….”

CNN Breaking News

I just received this CNN Breaking News:

-- NASA is revising its psychological screening of astronauts after one of them, Lisa Nowak, was charged with attempted murder.

Question 263:
Do you, on occasion, wear diapers to avoid restroom breaks on long trips?

Question 263(a):
Do you have a spouse as well as other extra-curricular love interests?

Question 263(b):
If you answered "yes" to the previous question, please complete attached Form 263(b) - Lovers and Other Strangers

Question 263(c):
If you were in space and did not like your Tang, would you mace your co-astronauts?

While I'm on the subject...

…of things that get on my nerves in the office:

People who sit at their desk and randomly shout the names of co-workers on the off chance that said persons might be within shouting distance. That’s why God put an intercom button on your telephone, dipshit. Use it.

Proper Stapling

Thursday Night at the Logon Cafe

A friend of ours is playing at the Logon Cafe Thursday night. We had lunch there today and everything was delicious. I highly recommend popping in there Thursday night for dinner and staying for the show.

Mardi Gras - Southeast Texas Style

We’re having two Mardi Gras celebrations in Southeast Texas this year (not counting Galveston’s big bash). It’s going to be a wild week:

• Wednesday, 2/14 – Ray Wylie Hubbard at Courville’s


• Thursday, 2/15 – 9 Station Drive and Cross Canadian Ragweed on Crockett Street in Beaumont


• Friday, 2/16 – Pat Green in Port Arthur


• Saturday, 2/17 – Satisfaction (Rolling Stones Tribute band) at 3:00 p.m. in Port Arthur


• Saturday, 2/17 – Robert Earl Keen in Port Arthur (or Jazz Innovators on Crockett Street…haven’t made up my mind on that one)


• Sunday, 2/18 – Scott McGill at 5:00 p.m. on Crockett Street


And…drum roll, please...


• Sunday, 2/18 – The Neville Brothers at the Beaumont Civic Center (I JUST GOT ME A FRONT ROW SEAT!)
  
  Man, I sure hope I don’t hurt myself with all this musical wonderfulness. The ticket price is $10 per night and includes concerts (The Neville Brothers and Ray Wylie Hubbard tickets are separate) and great parades.
  
  
  Links:
  
  Beaumont Mardi Gras

Port Arthur Mardi Gras

Bolt!

When I got home from work last night, I pulled into my garage and pushed the button to close my electric garage door opener. I got out of the car and when the garage door was completely down, a bolt flew from somewhere near the motor of the opener, slammed against the wall behind me and rolled near my feet.

“That can’t be good,” I thought.

The odd thing (you knew there would be an odd thing, didn’t you?) is that, when I pulled in, I parked all the way to the right side of my garage. I NEVER do that. I always park right in the middle…because I can. If I had parked where I usually park, the bolt would have smacked me right in the head or eye or mouth. I don’t even want to think about it. It shot out of there like a bullet.

I searched all up and down the mechanism until I finally found where I think the bolt came from. I replaced it and all seems well. The spot where it appears to have flown from, however, seems pretty harmless and I can't imagine how the garage door, at the very end of it's up/down sequence, could have possibly shot the bolt off of there with such force.

Damn, poltergeists.

Tater Tots

Neil in Australia (not to be confused with Neal in Antarctica) took my quiz and asks the question, "What is a Tater Tot?" Well, Neil, a Tater Tot is like a little baby hash brown with wonderful deliciousness in every bite.

Life of Brian

I finally watched Life of Brian. After saying I had never seen it before, I was sure I would recognize it once I started watching it. However, that wasn't the case. How I've missed seeing this over the last thirty years is just one of life's little mysteries.

Favorite part: the Roman guards trying not to laugh at Pontius Pilate's Biggus Dickus tirade.

Surprising part: finding out that Graham Chapman did not have a biggus dickus.

Best movie song ever: "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life"

(Second best movie song ever: "Galaxy Song" from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.)

Ferret!

It takes me exactly one second to work myself into a panic if I think an insect is crawling on me. At the three second interval, I'm screaming like a banshee.

Saturday evening, I had no plans so at around 6:00 p.m., I reached into my pajama drawer and pulled out my most comfy pair of pajama pants. As I put them on, I felt something crawling on the inside of the right pants leg.

"Holy shit!"

"What the fuck is that?!"

"Aagh! Aagh!"

"It's a roach!"

"No, it's too big for a roach!"

"It's at my knee!"

"Fuck!!!"

"Is it a gecko?"

"How did a gecko get inside my pajama drawer?!"

"It's too big for a gecko..."

"...and it's soft!"

"Agghhh! Agghh!!"

"It's a mouse!!"

"It's a ferret!"

"No, it's too small to be a ferret!"

"Definitely, a mouse!"

"Aggghh!! Agghh!!! Agghh!!"

"Oh."

"It's the gray sock I lost in the laundry last week."

"Dumbass."

How Well Do You Know Laurie - Part 3

Let's make this a bi-monthly thing, shall we? This post (click here) will take you to the two previous quizzes.

Click here (or on the title) to take the new quiz.

Results so far:
100 Dad (My dad: Holy cow! Did mom help?)
100 Jamie (My daughter-in-law: You go girl!)
80 Bonnie (Baby Sis: Nice!)
80 Cousin Susan (My cousin: Excellent!!!)
80 Mom (My mom: You should have asked dad to help you.)
70 Cory (My son: Not bad, dear heart.)
70 Jack (My good friend: Much better than Jack's previous quiz scores.)
60 Sophmom (Longtime blogging friend: Well done, sista girl.)
60 Jen (My future bride friend: Well done!)
50 Carly (Longtime co-worker: Once again, we obviously don't talk about ME enough.)
50 Kim (My sister-in-law: We need to spend more time together. Road trip!)
50 Zina (My cousin: Zina Bina! I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you.)
50 Laura (New blogging friend: Not bad for a new friend.)

50 Shelli (In Singapore: 50/50 ain't so bad)
40 Leslie (New blogging friend: You'll get the hang of me, eventually.)
40 La Sirena (Another new blogging friend: Stay with me, now. Next quiz you'll kick butt.)
30 Lorna (My LONGEST blogging friend: Hahahaha! I can sure stump you on these quizzes.)
30 Neil (In Australia, not to be confused with Neal in Antarctica: Dude!)
20 Old Roses (My biggest blogging fan: I...I...I don't know...what...to say.)

10 Grimm (Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Seriously,...

...why would I open junk-spam-crap e-mail from someone named "Splashing Twat?"

I'm So Honored!

My dear friend Jen has asked me to be her Matron of Honor. I still remember the day Jen came into the office and told me she had met the nicest guy. I soon met him and, like everyone else, liked him immediately. I would tell you some funny stuff about Jen and Brian but I'm saving that stuff for my Matron (Matron?!) of Honor wedding day speech.

To read the sweetest proposal story you've ever heard, click here and, to see pictures of the proposal night and the ring, click here.

I promise you, Jen, I will be the best Matron (we have to do something about that word) of Honor in the history of Matrons of Honor because that's how I roll. I'm a little nervous, but I once moved a 50-person law firm with only two weeks notice and only one brief crying jag (me, not the partners). Surely, I can throw a kick-ass bachelorette party (hmmm...New Orleans?), throw a shower (or two), give a little speech and whatever else your little heart desires.

Oh, and if I have to make lots and lots of trips to wonderful, beautiful Baton Rouge and/or New Orleans, I'm willing to make that sacrifice. Like I said, that's how I roll.

I love...

...Green Day.