I have to work today...

...and that sucks.

(The above cartoon is today's Dilbert which you can also find in your daily newspaper and at Dilbert.com. I have absolutely NO RIGHTS whatsoever to post that cartoon here. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada.)

What has two thumbs, speaks French and just fixed her leaky toilet all by herself?

Moi.

Things I Learned About Coors Light

1. No hangover (even though I started drinking them AFTER indulging in a big ass margarita)!


2. Smoooooooth!


3. A very subtle buzz.


4. I might be onto something here.

Things you should know about karaoke

1. You can't tell by looking at a person or talking to a person or working with a person for years whether or not they can sing


2. Every singer is a wonderful little surprise just waiting to happen


3. Karaoke makes people do wonderful things like inspiring my shy, 40-ish year old friend to get up and walk across the room to congratulate a 20-ish year old singer on a touching performance of Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends"


4. It's an incredible way to re-discover or finally learn the beautiful lyrics of the songs which have been the soundtrack of your life


5. It's one of the best ways I know to meet new people and have a great time with total strangers


6. Only in New Orleans does karaoke start at 4:00 p.m....dammit


7. I swear by The Power of Grayskull that I will one day have my very own Karaoke Palace: kids during the day, adults at night


8. You're all invited to the grand opening

You Can't Always Get What You Want? Says who?

Looks like I won't have to switch to Coors Light after all:

Diageo on October 17 received a label certificate from the Treasury Department’s Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau for Smirnoff Ice Light.
(Click here to read entire blog post.)

Smirnoff Ice Light doesn't seem to be available, yet, but I'm a patient person. Until then, I'll be giving the Coors Light a try. For example, tonight there will be karaoke...at a bowling alley...in Port Arthur.

What could possibly go wrong?

Office Mini-Golf

Note: Sometimes the game below is replaced with a message that reads "HOTLINKED FROM VENUSARCADE.COM", which sort of makes it look like I copied it without permission or something. The Venusarcade.com page is where I got the code to put the game here and, as you can see, there's a link to Venusarcade.com in the code.

Keep trying back, because sometimes the game actually appears and it's a great time waster, if you're into that sort of thing.
Free and fun Myspace Game Codes
from Venus Arcade free myspace gamesSearch for businesses

WTF?

According to a recent study by Norwich's University of East Anglia , swearing at work encourages team spirit. Here's a quote from Professor Yehuda Baruch:

"...our study suggested that, in many cases, taboo language serves the needs of people for developing and maintaining solidarity, and as a mechanism to cope with stress. Banning it could backfire."

Finally, a "recent study" with information I can use. I think this afternoon I shall choose a random co-worker and tell her to "get the hell out of my way."

As she cowers against the wall, I'll smile and refer her to my blog post (which she should be reading daily anyway, the bitch). I'll tell her that, "I'm only trying to maintain a little solidarity, gotdammit. What the hell's wrong with YOU?" Then, I'll ask her if she has a fart-snotting problem with that.

Where's that little short chick who probably can't kick my ass...

Madeleine Peyroux

At last, someone to distract me from my Amy Winehouse obsession. I'm still hypnotized by Amy Winehouse's voice. However, when I listen to her CD, I think of her problems and get sad. I don't like to be sad.

Christmas - It's a Wrap

Ava checking out the gifts

Ava meeting Santa (that's Paw-Paw Red, my dad, playing Santa's Helper)

Cory, Jamie and Ava with Santa

Me and Ava

Me and my sisters Terry and Bonnie

Ava Reading

Video of Ava Crawling!

Slideshow of everybody else (my brother and his family stayed home in Arkansas this year)

Merry Christmas - Keep Wishing!

When You Wish Upon a Star
Performed by: Jimini Cricket (Cliff Edwards)
Music: Leigh Harline
Lyrics: Ned Washington


When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those to love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

I Just Like the Sound of It

I was watching a documentary last night about Charlie Wilson and some CIA guy was going on about "plausible deniability." We rarely hear the term used anymore, but I remember hearing it a lot in the '80s. Perhaps, in the '80s people were more skilled at finessing the plausible part of that phrase. Of course, I suppose it was also a lot easier to cover your covert tracks back then.

I always liked the phrase and remember using it a lot myself. Back in the day, I worked as a [redacted] in a [redacted] and I was responsible for [redacted]. I know that sounds exciting, but dealing with those [redacted] assholes was a nightmare.

Plausible deniability saved my [redacted].

In Laurie's Brain - New Slogans for Southeast Texas

An alert has been issued for new slogans for Southeast Texas, in general, and Beaumont, in particular. Here are my suggestions:

Diversity:
Southeast Texas - Music? Never heard of Zyde-Texas-Cajun-Western-Tejano-Rap?
Southeast Texas - More races than NASCAR

Natural Resources:

Southeast Texas - Water. Lots of it. Suck on that Dallas.

Southeast Texas - We give you gas.

Southeast Texas - Come for the rain. Stay for the mosquitos.

Port Arthur - We love the smell of petrol in the morning.

General Wonderfulness:
Beaumont - We might not be the heart of Texas, but we're at least a kidney.
Southeast Texas - It's not the heat, it's the...no, it's the heat.
Beaumont - Our nutrias can kick your nutria's ass.
Southeast Texas - FEMA slept here.

The Twins are Here!

Our wonderful friends Will and Lindsay have been expecting twins for about 7 months now. The lovely girls, Grace and Isabelle, were supposed to make their grand appearances in February. However, they were eager to be here for all the Christmas festivities, so they came a couple months early.

Lindsay is doing fine and the girls weighed a little over 2 pounds each at birth. They're doing well also, but will be in the hospital for a while. Please send lots of prayers and happy thoughts their way.

Will, the proud dad!

Introducing Grace!

Lindsay at the beach last spring

Will and Isabelle

Will at the beach last spring

Steven Wright

A Steven Wright quote I heard yesterday:

"I'm having an MRI tomorrow to find out if I'm claustrophobic."

CLICK HERE to buy: I Still Have a Pony

Please Take Your Receipt and Thank You for Shopping at...

A recent poll conducted by IHL Consulting Group found that 16% of the 1000+ people surveyed would be more likely to use self-checkout if they could choose the voice of the self-checkout machine.

• 21% would like to have Tom Brokaw or Walter Cronkite tell them to, for example, "please rescan your item and put it in the bag."



• 13% would prefer the "Movie Trailer Guy" to ask them to perhaps "scan your Kroger Plus Card now."



• 12% wanted Darth Vader to inquire as to whether or not they "have any coupons or Coin Star."

While I find those choices amusing, it would be much more helpful to me and my pocketbook if...

• after I scanned some potpourri or Hamburger Helper, the voice of my ex-husband would say, "What are you buying that crap for?"



• after I scanned the latest issue of Cosmo, the voice of my grandfather would say, "Lo-Lo, that magazine is just advertise! Look. Advertise. Advertise. Advertise!"



• after I scanned some do-it-yourself home repair gadget, the voice of my son would say, "Mom, put that back! I'll fix it for you."



• after I scanned a couple of fresh steaks, the voice of my dad would say, "Baby, you can save $1 a pound if you buy from the almost expired bin!"

Note: There are other interesting tidbits of information in the survey about impulse buying and the preferred brands purchased by people who use self-checkout. Click on the blog post title or the above link to find out more.

The Beatles Christmas

Click here for a fabulous post over at The Wreckroom about The Beatles Christmas record releases.

Got a box?

I have an obsession with boxes. It's takes a tremendous amount of willpower to not pick up every great box that's thrown away at my office and bring it home and stack it in the garage with all my other great boxes. I'm certain I'll need that one particular box at some point and I'll rue the day I didn't grab it and rescue it from the trash pile.

I think my obsession stems from the way I pack when I have to move. Although I've only moved twice in the last 20 years, the flashbacks continue. Everything is wrapped in bubble paper, boxed, taped and labeled. The thought of placing anything other than my computer, plants or lamps in a car, truck or van unboxed and unbubblewrapped makes me sweat.

So, I have a garage full of boxes. Wonderful boxes. Perfect for mailing things. For example, if I were to have to mail a Christmas package to my brother's family in Arkansas, I could go in the garage and choose the perfect box. That's what any sane person would do. Right?

Of course, I said "sane" person. Four times this weekend, my mind blew a fuse. The first three fuses went in rapid succession when, while watching Dream Girls then Drowning Mona, I couldn't remember the names of John Lithgow, Destiny's Child or Will Ferrell. The fourth blown fuse occurred at Target when I bought a box to mail a Christmas gift.

I didn't even realize the absurdity of buying a box until I finished wrapping it for mailing, grabbed an empty Amazon.com box sitting on the floor right next to the wrapped-for-mailing box and carried the empty box to Box Heaven in my garage. The bolt of lightening hit me as I was staring at my mountain of boxes looking for the perfect spot for my newest little empty treasure.

"I just bought a box. I actually bought a gotdamn box. Sonuva Will-Ferrell-Destiny's-Child-John-Lithgow! Al Gore is going to be pissed."

Festivus for the Rest of Us!

Little known (or forgotten) facts about Festivus merrily and carefully copied from Wikipedia:

• Created by Reader's Digest writer and editor Daniel O'Keefe, not Frank Costanza


• Frank Costanza claimed to create Festivus in Seinfeld episode 10 of season 9 , "The Strike"


• Festivus is celebrated on December 23


• The Costanza aluminum Festivus Pole was not in the original O'Keefe family celebration


• The "Airing of Grievances" takes place immediately following Festivus Dinner


• During the "Airing of Grievances" "...you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year."


• There are no specific Festivus Dinner foods


• Drinking is encouraged (hearty beer, rum, bourbon, wine)


• The final Festivus tradition is the "Feats of Strength." The head of the household challenges one person to a wrestling match


• Festivus is not over until the head of the household has been pinned

Message From Ron Paul

Sorry if any of you guys think I'm nuts, but I like Ron Paul. I hate the way the mainstream media is either negatively portraying him or totally ignoring him. Sometimes, they manage to do both simultaneously.

Be forewarned, any mean Ron Paul comments will be deleted. I never said this blog was a democracy.

December 17, 2007

What a day! I am humbled and inspired, grateful and thrilled for this vast outpouring of support.

On just one day, in honor of the 234th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, the new American revolutionaries brought in $6.04 million, another one-day record. The average donation was $102; we had 58,407 individual contributors, of whom an astounding 24,915 were first-time donors. And it was an entirely voluntary, self-organized, decentralized, independent effort on the internet. Must be the "spammers" I keep hearing about!

The establishment is baffled and worried, and well they should be. They keep asking me who runs our internet fundraising and controls our volunteers. To these top-down central planners, a spontaneous order like our movement is science-fiction. But you and I know it's real: as real as the American people's yearning for freedom, peace, and prosperity, as real as all the men and women who have sacrificed for our ideals, in the past and today.

And how neat to see celebrations all across the world, with Tea Parties from France to New Zealand. This is how we can spread the ideals of our country, through voluntary emulation, not bombs and bribes. Of course, there were hundreds in America.

As I dropped in on a cheering, laughing crowd of about 600 near my home in Freeport, Texas, I noted that they call us "angry." Well, we are the happiest, most optimistic "angry" movement ever, and the most diverse. What unites us is a love of liberty, and a determination to fix what is wrong with our country, from the Fed to the IRS, from warfare to welfare. But otherwise we are a big tent.

Said the local newspaper (http://www.thefacts.com/story.lasso?ewcd=36475b4d132fc0a1): "The elderly sat with teens barely old enough to vote. The faces were black, Hispanic, Asian and white. There was no fear in their voices as they spoke boldly with each other about the way the country should be. Held close like a deeply held secret, Paul has brought them out of the disconnect they feel between what they know to be true and where the country has been led.

"Thanks also to the 500 or so who braved the blizzard in Boston to go to Faneuil Hall. My son Rand told me what a great time he had with you.

A few mornings ago on LewRockwell.com, I saw a YouTube of a 14-year-old boy that summed up our whole movement for me. This well-spoken young man, who could have passed in knowledge for a college graduate, told how he heard our ideas being denounced. So he decided to Google. He read some of my speeches, and thought, these make sense. Then he studied US foreign policy of recent years, and came to the conclusion that we are right. So he persuaded his father to drop Rudy Giuliani and join our movement.

All over America, all over the world, we are inspiring real change. With the wars and the spying, the spending and the taxing, the inflation and the credit crisis, our ideas have never been more needed. Please help me spread them https://www.ronpaul2008.com/donate in all 50 states. Victory for liberty! That is our goal, and nothing less.

Sincerely,

Ron

You Can Follow Me Anywhere

I was looking at my cell phone display the other day and noticed a symbol I didn't recognize. I pulled out my instruction book and, lo and behold, my phone has some sort of GPS system.

I know that most people don't like the idea of the possibility of being tracked all the time. However, as a person who once suddenly came out of some sort of trance while driving down Dowlen Road and panicked when I didn't recognize the backside of Barnes & Noble, I think a tracking device, in my case anyway, is a great idea.

I wouldn't mind if you all had a little display in the corner of your computer screens watching me drive to and fro, hither and yon. That way, if you noticed me circling the same block two or three times, you could call me and point me in the right direction.

I also would not be opposed to the medical community or the government or Bill Gates implanting a little chip in my wrist so that hospitals and doctors' offices could scan me and know my complete medical history. Go ahead. Barcode me, baby.

Anything that would keep me from having to fill out one more medical history form in one more doctor's office is fine by me. Auto accident? No need to go back and look for that toe. One quick scan of my wrist implant would tell you all about my unfortunate tractor accident of 1986.

Who cares if all my information accidentally went public. Yeah, I've had most of my nonessential internal organs removed and the aforementioned unfortunate toe incident. If that's going to make me a social outcast or unemployable, I don't really care. That's just how much I hate filling out forms.

By the way, I didn't lose my toe in a tractor accident in 1986. It was a poker game in Nam, 1972.

Happy Birthday, mom!

Rockin' Around the Computer Screen

It's time for a little Christmas-Holiday-Too-Much-To-Do-Too-Many-Places-To-Be Blog-cation.

This should more than hold you until next week. It will no doubt take you that long to recover and realize you still love me anyway.

Two Movie Recommendations

Deja Vu

Denzel Washington

Val Kilmer

New Orleans

Time Travel

What? You want more?

Fight Club

Last night, I saw that Fight Club was playing on one of my 562 movie channels so I thought, "What the hell. I've avoided this movie for a few years. Tonight's the night." Plus, one of my favorite television shows, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, did a parody of Fight Club in an episode and I knew I would better appreciate the parody if I saw the movie.

I was shocked to read the details and learn that I hadn't avoided this movie for "a few years." I had avoided this movie for eight years. Eight years! I couldn't believe it. I hate movies about boxing and I hate all those Spike television network shows where men beat the crap out of each other. Still, I had no idea that my dislike of watching people pummel each other had outweighed my desire to see Brad Pitt, frequently shirtless, for eight whole years.

Edward Norton is the kind of actor I would watch clip his toenails. He's always fascinating and is especially so in this movie. Helena Bonham Carter as Marla Singer is also excellent as is the scrumptious Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden.

All that being said, this movie was absolutely not what I expected. Somehow, while avoiding seeing this movie for eight years, I had also avoided learning the actual plot. In case you've also avoided this movie for eight years, it has very little to do with shirtless men beating each other up in basements.

Mom and Bonnie Meet the Ghost Hunters

Bonnie, Grant, Mom

My mom, sister Bonnie, Aunt Gladys and cousin Brady just got back from a paranormal retreat and ghost hunt on the Queen Mary. The trips are offered by Darkness Radio in association with The Atlantic Paranormal Society, better known as T.A.P.S. of the Sci Fi Channel series Ghost Hunters.

Bonnie and mom had a wonderful time and highly recommend these retreats. They said the speakers were all interesting and entertaining and there was never a dull moment. She said all of the celebrities (Patrick Burns, Chris Fleming, Grant and Jay from T.A.P.S., to name a few) hang out with everyone and were all a lot of fun. They also enjoyed a very entertaining comedy show by one of The Lone Gonemen, Dean Haglund, from the television series The X Files which was part of the retreat.



Click here for details on future trips. I'll be taking one myself next year, but I haven't decided which one. I'm pretty sure it won't be an insane asylum or abandoned prison. I'm more of a haunted hotel kind of girl. There is a possibility of a trip to The Stanley Hotel next winter. I'm going to start saving my nickels.

East Meets West

(Click pic for bigger image.)

Prodigy, Link to Mad Maze and My First Home Computer

I just uploaded a 42 MB file in one minute which made me think back to my first home computer purchase and my first online service provider.



Below, you will find copies of a newspaper ad for the computer, a worksheet from the computer store and a catalog picture of my super cool computer hutch (which I totally assembled all by myself) all of which I bought January 2, 1992. What? You can't put your hands on 15 year old paperwork in less than 10 minutes?








You'll notice that I bought the computer from a local group of guys and not from Best Buy or Circuit City or anything like that. In 1992, southeast Texas didn't have these stores. If you didn't know someone who could build a computer for you, there were a couple of locally owned shops that could help you out.

You will also notice that my $1,800.00 bought:

2 MB RAM (I paid $69 extra for the second megabyte)

One 5.25" floppy disk drive

42 MB hard drive (didn't upgrade - 89 MB $140; 125 MB $239)

14 inch monitor (I paid $244 to upgrade from a 12" monochrome monitor)

I had to pay extra for a mouse! ($39.00 and I couldn't imagine what I was going to need that thing for)

I also paid $149.00 for the software package: Lotus Works, Quicken, PFS First Publisher, PGA Tour Golf and Calendar Creator Plus. (I still have the books and disks in a closet somewhere)

2400 BAUD Internal modem (the modem was $79 extra, but having an INTERNAL (!) modem was super cool)

You'll notice there are no speakers

With a 2400 baud modem and a dial-up internet connection, your online experience was severely limited and was paid for BY THE MINUTE. I can't remember how much I paid for Prodigy, but I think it was about $15 a month for maybe 15 hours of online time.

I could be fuzzy on the details, but I remember leaving my computer online all night to download shareware. Since I only had a 42 MB hard drive, those all night downloads were probably for a little 50 KB game. (Correct me if I'm wrong and I'm sure you will.) After the all night download, we (my son Cory and I) wouldn't go back online again until the next month billing cycle because that one download would have used up all our base online time. In the mid-90s or so, we switched over to America Online because they offered unlimited online time for $19.99 a month.

NOTE TO CORY: You can still play Mad Maze!!! (Click here.)

My Grand-Fabulous-Baby's First Christmas Tree

Click the pic for a bigger view.

(My son Cory, my daughter-in-law Jamie and The Fabulous Ava)

In Laurie's Brain: A Gyno Visit...in a Pear Tree

Sing this to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Seriously, sing it out loud. Your co-workers won't mind. Truly they won't.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
my gyno said to me
Hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
You need a bone scan.
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
I see vaginas.
You need a bone scan.
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
I play golf with your new boss.
I see vaginas.
You need a bone scan.
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

At the fifth door, the twelfth floor
My gyno said to me
Please sign this waiver.
I play golf with your new boss.
I see vaginas.
You need a bone scan.
How much do you weigh?
Are you having mood swings?
How is your sex life?
Any S – T – D- s?
Let’s see those boobs.
Please disrobe,
Put on this gown
And hop on this table right here.

Finally, the REAL reason we aren't losing weight

I found this article (click here) through a comment Crinklequirk left on the Craving Chocolate, World Peace blog. Turns out certain fat burning enzymes shut down when we sit down and exercise alone isn't enough to keep the pounds off.

I'd hate to think how much I'd weigh if I there wasn't always something calling me from another room: laundry, snacks, an unfinished list, something to Google or Wikipedia or IMDB upstairs, things to blog....

So, stand up, people and take a little trip around the room. Evidently, every little bit helps.

I know what will make me feel better...

At Lorna's request, back to the frippery

I have suddenly come to the realization that I am, to quote Bruce Springsteen, "tired and bored with myself." I am miserably, desperately, definitely bored. Help me.

Major News

I just found out that Coors Light has 102 calories while Smirnoff Ice has 228 calories. As of today, I am hereby pledging to shift my beer/malt beverage of choice from Smirnoff Ice to Coors Light, the least beersy beer of them all.

Somebody remind me.

We've Been Elfed!

CLICK HERE!!

You've seen your friends get elfed. This one's better.

Would I lie to you?

Awwwwwwww...

I stole this from My Mommy's Place (there's a great recipe over there, too)...

“When we talked, I felt brilliant, fascinating; she brought out the version of myself I liked most, a person self-consciousness normally held down.”

- Nuar Alsadir

A & C Antiques & Collectibles

My cousin Alan and his wife Cindy have started an antique business. They started the business mostly as a tax write-off, so they're just dying to sell you something for less than they paid for it.

They're fantastic people and Alan has lots of that good Cajun Courville blood in him, so how can you go wrong?

A & C Antiques & Collectibles
Port Arthur, Texas 77642
Phone (409) 293-3210
Cell (409) 293-0532
Cell (409) 293-0533

Thank you. No. Thank YOU!

Have you ever gotten a thank you note that was so nice, so sweet, so touching that you wanted to send a thank you note for the thank you note?

Thank you, Jamie.

Thank you, Hallie.

Thank you, Jen.

Moonlighting

I have exactly 2,643 television channels.

Why can't I find reruns of Moonlighting?

In Laurie's Brain - Previous Christmas Stuff

Christmas carols I'd like to hear (Click here.)
Rhonda the Redneck Nail Tech (Click here.)

Best First Wedding Dance Ever

Stay with me now...

My "World Famous" Autumn Pudding (Yams) Recipe

For J's Daughter:

Autumn Pudding

3 cups cooked mashed sweet potatoes
1 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 well-beaten eggs
1/4 cup margarine
1/2 cup canned evaporated milk
3 teaspoons vanilla
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
One 8-ounce can crushed pineapple, drained

Topping: (if you make this recipe in a 9 x 11 baking dish instead of a 3 quart casserole, double topping)
1 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup flour
1 cup broken pecans
1/4 cup margarine

Mix potatoes, sugar, salt, eggs, 1/4 cup margarine, milk, vanilla, cinnamon and pineapple. Grease a 3-quart casserole and fill with sweet potato mixture.

Combine brown sugar, flour, pecans and remaining 1/4 cup margarine. Sprinkle on top of sweet potatoes.

Bake uncovered 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

Creepy Shopping Cart Guy

I stopped at the grocery store a couple of days before Thanksgiving to buy some ingredients for my world famous Thanksgiving yams. I popped in and popped out because I only needed a few things.

As I was walking back to my car, a guy in the parking lot collecting shopping carts for the store said, “That didn’t take long.”

At first, I didn’t think he was talking to me. When I realized he was, I smiled and said, “I only needed a few things.”

As I was driving home, I began to think it was a pretty creepy encounter. First, it was disconcerting to realize that I hadn’t noticed him at all when I got out of my car. Even if I had noticed him, I probably wouldn’t have given him much thought since someone pushing shopping carts in a grocery store parking lot is a common site. Second, the fact that he had watched me park and go into the store and then remembered me when I came back out, in such a hectic parking lot, was definitely creepy.

Was he just a nice guy making conversation or was he watching customers coming and going so he could alert an accomplice who was breaking into cars? Was he really a store employee or just a crazy person pretending to collect shopping carts so he could catch customers off guard, knock them in the head and rob them?

‘Tis the season to be paranoid.

Sometimes my body wants what it wants

Since I joined the fitness center, a piece of pecan pie or a second helping of moo shu pork looks different to me. Instead of looking like a little bit of heaven on a plate, they now look like dollar signs circling the drain undoing all the good of at least three workout sessions.

So, when I pulled into Jack in the Box last night, I had every intention of ordering a grilled chicken salad or a grilled chicken pita. However, someone pulled up behind me and, paralyzed by indecision, I panicked and blurted out, "Ultimate Cheeseburger."

"Please drive through."

"Crap."

Evidently, my brain and my body had decided long before I entered the drive-thru that it was going to eat a cheeseburger. On my way to Houston a couple of weeks ago, my body forced me to stop and buy a Twinkie in Seabrook. I usually go for the Zingers when I'm in a snack cake sort of mood but, for some reason, my left thigh told my brain it just had to have a Twinkie. Best damn Twinkie I ever ate.

Ultimate Cheeseburger
Jumbo Bun
Mayo-Onion Sauce
Ketchup
Two slices American Cheese
Two slices Swiss-Style Cheese
Mustard
Two Jumbo Hamburger Patties

Calories
1010
Calories from Fat
639
Total Fat
71.0 g
Saturated Fat
28.0 g
Cholesterol
125 mg
Sodium
1580 mg
Total Carbohydrates
53.0 g
Dietary Fiber
2.0 g
Sugars
12.0 g
Protein
40.0 g

A Few Videos from Thanksgiving

These three short videos probably won't be entertaining to anyone other than family. So, without further ado, since my family members are my biggest audience, off we go.

My brother and his family getting acquainted with Ava and eating gumbo.




The men folk discussing the audio for my dad's new television. My son and brother wanted to take dad immediately to Best Buy for a whole new sound system, but they were diverted by more gumbo.




My mom and her two sisters having a conversation about how they always call their children by the names of their sisters or their other children. I do the same thing constantly calling my son and his wife by the names of my brother and his wife. The twist here is that Aunt Hazel also calls her son by her daughters' names.

Me? Ski?

I have what I consider to be a healthy fear of heights. It's not so much a fear of heights as much as a fear of falling off of heights.

I break things, mostly bones and usually bones that I need.

I hate being cold. Hate it. I really, really hate it. Did I mention I hate being cold? Hate, hate, hate.

I think I'll pass.

I Want to go Back

At church Sunday, during the sermon the priest discussed how far the Catholic church has come in terms of the way mass is conducted. He spoke of the railing around the altar, the priest with his back to the congregation and the mass being delivered in Latin. He spoke of these things like they were bad.

I'm a traditionalist.

• I prefer solemn hymns accompanied by an organ, not guitars, and please, no clapping along to the beat.
• Don't hold my hand or introduce yourself at any point during the mass.
• Burn some incense and light some candles.
• Speak Latin.
• Give me quaint wooden churches like the one we attended as a child or huge cathedrals like the one we attended when we visited the grandparents.

I like to feel like I've spiritually been someplace holy, not at a town council or PTA meeting.

It's Time to Check Out Some Interesting Keyword Activity

From time to time, I like to give you an idea of what search keywords people used to find this blog. (You can find out this information for your blog by installing StatCounter.)

Self Explanatory

• asshole of the year
• what do you do when the kids all leave for college
• my dog ate a lysol wipe
• show me some albino animals
• quote i think hair gel was invented to identify assholes from a distance

Kinky

• binder clips nipples
• photo of a hairy bum
• confessions of a window washer

Huh?

• mexicans permanent marker
• cajun french dummies
• there once was a zombie

Can I help you with that?

• al stewart edmund fitzgerald (Gordon Lightfoot, not Al Stewart)
• the can guess who it's a game of clue (The name of the game is Clue.)
• rock me baby car commercial (Cute commercial: Rock Me Gently sung by Andy Kim)
• is new orleans next to texas (No.)
  

Oh, no!

Oh, my God!

Somebody stole Toby Keith's sleeves!

What?

He did that on purpose?

Oh.

Why?

Thanksgiving 2007 - It's a wrap

Day After Thanksgiving Football Dilemma

The games:

• Arkansas Razorbacks vs. LSU Tigers
• University of Texas vs. Texas A&M

The audience:

• One family from Louisiana
• Several families from Texas who all consider Louisiana the "Mother Country"
• One family of Texans currently living in Arkansas with one member who considers Louisiana the "Mother Country" and two children approaching college age who have been raised in Arkansas for the last 10 years and will, in all likelihood be Razorbacks one day unless they get their wish to attend the University of Texas

The dilemma:

• Both games televised at the same time
• One game in high-definition, the other not so much

The solution:

• Everybody watches both games with picture-in-picture while constantly flipping back and forth between the games
• Duh.

The unspoken rules:

• My brother and/or son shall have possession of the remote control
• Trash talk shall be kept to a minimum
• Said trash talk shall be mostly mumbled under one's breath
• Trash talk responses shall be limited to "What'd you say?"
• To which the response to the trash talk inquiry shall be "Nothin'."

Conclusion:

• Arkansas won
• Texas A&M won
• We all ate pie
• ...and more gumbo!

Another thing to add to my "Why Didn't I Think of That?" list.

I am a compulsive list maker and I'm also fascinated by other people's lists. If I find someone's discarded grocery list while I'm shopping, I'll stop what I'm doing and read the whole thing. If I find someone's to-do list in the parking lot at work, I read that ever so personal piece of writing and wonder if they got it all done.

The following blog is all about to-do lists and they're even going to make a book out of it. Why didn't I think of that?

The To-Do List Blog

Happy Thanksgiving!!

The Subservient Chicken

Click here to make the chicken do what you tell him/her to do.

I'm guessing it's a her because of the garter belt, but you just never know these days.

I Told You I Was Smart

I'm not sure what I might have posted between last Friday (when this thingy I stole from Lorna gave this blog the reading level of College-undergrad) and today, but now my blog's reading level is "officially" genius.

I thought you should all know how smart you are.

My Grand-Fabulous-Baby Snoring Like a Lady

Dad Making a Fashion Statement

Saturday, my mom cooked Cory his traditional birthday gumbo and Cory helped his paw-paw hook up the sound system to paw-paw's new big screen, HD, fancy schmancy television. While we were there, I never noticed what my dad was wearing. It seemed to make sense at the time. When I uploaded my pictures, there was my dad's unique fashion sense in living color.

I think the above picture will more clearly illustrate this incident (click here).

Sorry, dad, but you just look so cute in HD, I had to share.

Fuzzy Hayes Carll

After getting up very early Saturday morning, having a full day of fun for Cory's birthday and later joining my friend Shannon for margaritas and Rodgers & LeMasters at Poblano Grill, I popped over to Antone's to see one of my favorite performers in the world with one of my favorite people in the world.

The pictures are fuzzy and I was fuzzy but Hayes Carll was brilliant. He has a new CD coming out in spring of 2008 and the dates have been set for the 2008 Stingaree Music Festival.

Happy Birthday, Cory!!

Did you know that when your grand-fabulous-baby and her parents stay at your house, everybody, including grandma and the dog, gets up at 6:00 a.m.? It's true and here's proof. (Be thankful I'm BEHIND the camera.)



Below is a slideshow of Cory (my son) and Ava (my grand-fabulous-daughter) opening his birthday presents at my house very early Saturday morning.