Blog Reviews

A few weeks ago, I noticed on my stat counter that I was getting a few hits from a blog called Frog My Blog. It's a blog that reviews other blogs. It was a new blog at the time and I was one of the first blogs they reviewed. I've given them a couple of weeks to get going before I give my opinion on their little endeavor.

Here's their review of my blog (unsolicited, by the way):

Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans? Uh…no. Not really.

I’m assuming this blogger was displaced by Hurricane Katrina. She appears to be in Texas but really wants to go back to New Orleans. It was my understanding that N.O. was being rebuilt fairly successfully, so if you really want to go that bad…

I don’t like the template. The notepad look is too…yellow. Damn, that’s a long sidebar, most of which is pretty unnecessary.

I wasn’t very high on this blog from first glance. The title and first post came across as kind of whiny, and a bad template will ruin a first impression. I was going to give 0 bugs, or just 1 for the Kinky Friedman ad.

However, I then came across the Hallsnark Cards and laughed in spite of myself. 2 more bugs for you. I think you should go into business.

It isn't a very nice review which is mostly based on the following: (1) she is indifferent to New Orleans and their plight, (2) incorrect assumptions about me (all she had to do was read the profile) and (3) she didn't like the yellow legal pad template. She laughed at the Hallsnark Cards "in spite of" herself meaning she had decided to not like the blog at first glance.

I don't expect everyone to like my blog or to care that it exists at all. However, that isn't the point of this post. The reason I decided to write anything at all is because of their reviews of other people's blogs. They seem obsessed with clean sidebars and fancy templates over content.

Blogs are a personal expression of what YOU want to put out there. Who cares if the grammar is lousy or if your interests are considered uninteresting by some people or that you like to put blinky things on your sidebar? Just keep writing and expressing yourself. Any act of self-expression is art and nobody has the right to suggest you change your self-expression in any way.

These people need to stop trying to sanitize the blogosphere and turning it into one big generic "clean" Wordpress template containing whatever they consider to be relevant writing on whatever they consider to be relevant subjects.

Whew. I feel better. Was that too whiny?

Edited to add:

Old Roses just left me a comment asking if the review had been removed. After checking, I find that the review has indeed been removed. I guess the reviewers didn't like being reviewed. Isn't that interesting?

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

This show is hilarious. I just discovered it (thanks Carly) but the website says the season finale is next week. If you have an opportunity to catch up on the episodes, do it. I have to catch up myself. It's on FX on Thursday nights.

Update on My Dad

Recent tests show that after several chemo treatments, my dad's tumor has already shrunk by 1/5th which is very good news. He's also getting a lot of his energy and his appetite back. Go dad!

FYI, he will continue to have chemo treatments every other week for two hours until December. He hasn't been sick at all from the chemo (at least he hasn't said anything) and he even still has his hair.

Classic TV Sex Party - Part 2

The comments on the previous post are already hilarious. Be sure you read them...and add your own either here or there.

Sudie Girl suggests we come up with some bedroom conversations between the couples. You can also leave those either here or there. Her script between The Professor and Pinky Tuscadero is classic.

Larry Jones reminds us that June Cleaver and Fred Sanford will get along just fine since June speaks jive.

My Baby Sis likes the idea of the power that would be created between Endora and Thurston Howell, III.

I, personally, was intrigued by the cosmic pairing of Archie Bunker and Louise Jefferson. Now, that could be one wild bedroom scene in any number of ways.

Any other ideas? Don't be shy folks. You know these characters as well as you know your own families. Get freaky with me.

Meet the Flintstones

Back in the Swinging Sixties, sexually adventurous couples would go to swinger parties where the men would put their car keys in a hat. At some point in the evening, after much alcohol had been consumed and much marijuana had been smoked, the hat would be passed around and the women would pick a set of keys. The woman and the owner of whichever set of keys she selected would then get down and get funky with their bad selves. According to Wikipedia, there are still versions of this activity happening today involving dorm room keys. It’s good to see today’s youngsters carrying on the lovely old traditions of their grandparents.

A while back, I surfed past an episode of Married…With Children shortly after watching a little bit of All in the Family and wondered what would happen if, for some reason, Archie Bunker hooked up with Peg Bundy. So, I wrote some classic television character names down on pieces of paper, put them in a hat and played Classic TV Key Party. I lead a full and fascinating life.

Below are the couplings exactly as I pulled them out of the hat. We must make two assumptions: Marcia Brady is 18 years old and cartoon characters can have sex with real people. I make no assumptions or disclaimers as to the sex life of The Flying Nun.

Keep in mind that, if this were real life, the Classic TV Woman would have pulled a set of Classic TV Keys out of a Classic TV Hat and she and her Classic TV Stud would have then gone to a bedroom or into the swinging swimming pool and they would have had wild Classic TV Sex alongside some of these other Classic TV Couplings. I’m thinking the Beverly Hillbillies mansion and cement pond would have been perfect. Go Granny.

Here is how they would arrive at the party:
Al and Peggy Bundy
Archie and Edith Bunker
Barney Fife and Thelma Lou
Andy Taylor and Helen Crump
Howard Sprague and Aunt Bee
Howard and Marion Cunningham
Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli and Pinky Tuscadero
Barney Miller and Murphy Brown
George and Louise Jefferson
Jack Tripper and Chrissy Snow
Mr. Furley and Janet Wood
Stanley and Helen Roper
Darren and Samantha Stephens
Major Nelson and Jeannie
Thurston and Lovey Howell
The Professor and Ginger Grant
Gilligan and Mary Ann Summers
The Skipper and Endora
Ted Baxter and Mary Richards
Lou Grant and Sue Ann Nivens
Ward and June Cleaver
Eddie Haskell and The Flying Nun
Oliver and Lisa Douglas
Jed Clampett and Granny
Jethro Bodine and Elly May Clampett
Herman and Lily Munster
Gomez and Morticia Addams
Keith Partridge and Marcia Brady
Marshall Dillon and Miss Kitty
Ricky and Lucy Ricardo
Fred and Ethel Mertz
Fred Sanford and Aunt Esther
Rob and Laura Petrie
Fred and Wilma Flintstone
Barney and Betty Rubble
George and Jane Jetson

Here are the Key Party Pairings:
Al Bundy and Samantha Stevens
Archie Bunker and Louise Jefferson
Barney Fife and Elly May Clampett
Andy Taylor and Morticia Addams
Howard Sprague and Mary Ann Summers
Howard Cunningham and Sue Ann Nivens
Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli and Peggy Bundy
Barney Miller and Aunt Esther
George Jefferson and Ginger Grant
Jack Tripper and Marion Cunningham
Mr. Furley and Lovey Howell
Stanley Roper and Miss Kitty
Darren Stephens and Marcia Brady
Major Nelson and Betty Rubble
Thurston Howell, III and Endora
The Professor and Pinky Tuscadero
Gilligan and Laura Petrie
The Skipper and Granny
Ted Baxter and Chrissy Snow
Lou Grant and Lily Munster
Ward Cleaver and Wilma Flintstone
Eddie Haskell and Lisa Douglas
Oliver Douglas and Murphy Brown
Jed Clampett and Jane Jetson
Jethro Bodine and Mary Richards
Herman Munster and Aunt Bee
Gomez Addams and Janet Wood
Keith Partridge and Edith Bunker
Marshall Dillon and Ethel Mertz
Ricky Ricardo and Helen Roper
Fred Mertz and Jeannie
Fred Sanford and June Cleaver
Rob Petrie and Lucy Ricardo
Fred Flintstone and Helen Crump
Barney Rubble and Thelma Lou
George Jetson and The Flying Nun

Current Terror Alert

Elmo: Flights from the UK

Ernie: All commercial flights

Bert: Everything else

Pictures Added to Flickr

I've added the pictures from the weekend to Flickr. You can click here or on the Flickr badge over there on the sidebar.

Kyoto Japanese Grill - Beaumont, Texas

(CLICK HERE FOR UPDATED POST WITH MENU)

A month or so ago, I saw a new sign added to the big Kroger sign on Phelan Boulevard which read “Kyoto Japanese Restaurant.” I made a u-turn, nearly taking out three cars, to get into the parking lot in an attempt to find the restaurant. However, it was nowhere to be found. Finally, last week, I glanced over at the shopping center and there was a flashing “Open” sign in the front window of the shop right next to Kroger. I made a u-turn, nearly taking out only two cars this time, and drove up to the flashing “Open” sign.

The décor is more similar to eating establishments found downtown than in a grocery store strip mall. It’s very narrow and has 20 foot ceilings with painted exposed pipes and charming Japanese lanterns and scarves for decoration. It’s definitely more of a café than a restaurant.

My first question of the owners, which was the actual reason for the life threatening u-turns, was whether or not they would be serving sushi. The answer was yes. Beaumont has only two other restaurants which serve sushi, one of which is only open for dinner and neither of which are in the path of my drive home.

For now, until they build the sushi bar, Kyoto is serving a limited menu. The current choices are miso soup, salad, three kinds of fried rice (chicken, shrimp or vegetable) and various meat and seafood dishes (choices include chicken, shrimp, scallops, sirloin steak or ribeye steak) which are served with vegetables and fried rice.

I ordered the chicken and scallop combination and it was quite good. The chicken was tender and the scallops were fresh. They were cooked in a sauce that wasn’t particularly flavorful but it wasn’t bad either. I don’t know if all of the dishes are cooked in the same sauce but I do know there were no sauce choices given on the menu. Since I got my food to-go, I wasn’t able to ask.

I’ll definitely be back to check out the sushi and the other menu items. The owners and the staff were very nice and the atmosphere was pleasant. I hope they do well. You should go there and tell them Laurie sent you. They won’t know who you’re talking about but, what the hell, right?

Kyoto Japanese Grill
3851 Phelan Boulevard
Beaumont, Texas
(409) 838-9888
(409) 838-9882

Hours:
Sunday - Thursday 11:00 a.m. - 9:30 p.m.
Friday - Saturday 11:00 a.m. - 10:00 p.m.

In Laurie's Brain - After the Vacation

You know your teenagers had too much fun while you were out of town if…

…your bed is made but the pattern on the bedspread is upside down.

…they have developed an unusual interest in whether or not the cable television bill has come in.

…your non-teenage children suddenly have extra spending money and the teens are being really nice to them.

…the house is cleaner than when you left.

…your Vicodin is missing.

…there is MORE beer in the refrigerator than when you left.

…you come home early from work one day and your teenage son is mowing the neighbor’s lawn...for free.

…you can’t find your favorite bong.

A Delicious Weekend

I just got back from bringing mom and dad to Alvin to see Cory and Jamie's new house. We had fabulous BBQ at Joe's in Alvin Saturday night and today we went to the Houston Downtown Aquarium and ate at the Aquarium Restaurant. The food was absolutely amazing and Cory and Jamie and I had delicious...what else?...margaritas.



I don't know if it was the margarita at lunch but, at the first exhibit, I saw this sign and, at first glance, I thought it said "Stupid Bass."



I'll be posting all of the pictures on Flickr tomorrow evening but, for now, here are several I particularly liked...

In Laurie's Brain...Vacation Tips

Before I hit the road for a couple of days, below are a few vacation tips I made up for you.


You might want to cancel your reservations if...

…your children (especially the teenagers) are way too happy you’re leaving.

…two days before you leave, your beachfront hotel calls to give you a free upgrade if you promise you aren’t the evacuatin’ type.

…you just saw your hotel on the television program America’s Scariest Most Gruesomely Haunted Unexplained Hotels.

…you Google toxic dump and your destination city is the number one hit.

…your parents are way too happy you’re leaving.

…you have to cancel a semester of college and two surgeries to cover the cost.

…your reservation confirmation letter is handwritten…in crayon.

…your airline can’t afford security so they have a “Bring Your Own Weapon” policy.

…your boss is way too happy you’re leaving.

…Anthony Bourdain won’t even eat there.

…veteran embedded reporters are begging to tag along saying they’ll bring their own flak jackets.

In Laurie's Brain - Hurricane Season Fortune Cookies

As tropical depression Chris meanders toward the Caribbean Sea, my mind turns toward our current hurricane season, such as it is...

Hurricane big blow job with no happy ending.
Lucky numbers: 69-6-9-96-0-0-0-0-0-0…

Evacuation like constipation. Nothing go anywhere fast.
Lucky Color: Brown

When pecan tree fall on house, people go nuts.
Lucky Shoe: Right one

Hole in roof, like hole in head. Who needs it?
Lucky Month: Not September…or August…or October…

When waters rise, wise man no flushy.
Learn Chinese: Poo Poo Platter

You will have blue tarp on roof for 269 days.
Lucky Numbers: What lucky number? You no lucky.

In Laurie's Brain - More Hallsnark Cards

According to my stat counter, someone arrived at this site by doing a search for "Happy Anniversary to my Ex." I looked back at my Hallsnark Cards post and realized that I didn't create any that fit that category. How foolish of me.

So, off we go...

Outside:
Happy Un-Anniversary, My Un-Beloved Ex-Darling
Inside:
I hope you’re as happy as I am that I no longer have to put up with your shit.

Outside:
Happy 5-Year Divorce-Anniversary
Inside:
I finally paid off your credit card debt.
You may now rot in hell with a clear conscience.

Outside:
Happy Anniversary to My Ex-Husband
Inside:
Thanks for dumping me.
Sex without all the pleading and crying is SO much better.

Outside:
Happy Anniversary to my Ex-Wife
Inside:
You suck, but my new girlfriend sucks better.

Outside:
Happy Ex-Anniversary, Bitch.
Inside:
(blank – I’m sure you’ll think of something appropriate to say.)

Outside:
Happy Anniversary to my Ex-Wife
Inside:
You slept with the gardener.
You slept with the pool man.
You made my life hell,
As only you can.

Outside:
Happy Anniversary to my Soon-to-Be-Ex-Husband and his Gold Digger Mistress
Inside:
Bank Austria Cayman Islands
Account Number 17*32****89***7
Now, who’s the stupid bitch?

In Laurie's Brain - Haiku

I love Haiku...

Car salesman person,
Why must you scream like a fool?
Your face annoys me.

Fear of a big storm
Ironically makes me crave
Pat O. Hurricanes.

Mr. Mel Gibson
Oh, what shall become of you?
Must you act the fool?

Oh, the baby newt!
Why was it in my bathroom?
I killed the fucker.