Harptallica

My friend Jen is getting married and, while looking for a harpist for their reception, she and Brian found, not only a talented harpist, but a harpist who belongs to a "Metallica tribute harp duo."

MySpace Link

Website

Check it out...

Things to do this week: Apply for Passport

Beaumont Live! Radio

When I was looking for information about bands that play at The Vortex, I came across this internet radio station that plays music by local musicians.

Click here to read all about it and click here to listen.

"It's a Warm and Wonderful Feeling, Jerry"

I hate being cold. I especially hate when my feet are cold which is pretty much all the time. My hands are usually cold, too. However, at home, there's not much I can do about my cold hands except to sit on them or maybe put them between my thighs. However, my cold feet are another story. As soon as I get home from work, I take off my shoes and hose and put on a nice clean pair of thick socks.

Sunday night I discovered cold feet nirvana. As I was watching Desperate Housewives and folding clothes, I grabbed a handful of nice, clean, WARM socks. I quickly pulled off the socks I had on and put on the warm socks. I was suddenly transported to a tropical beach walking through warm sand on a bright sunny afternoon. Heaven, on my living room couch.

Jerry: What's with you ?

Kramer: Feel this.

Jerry: Wow, that's hot.

Kramer: Yeah, it's piping hot. It's fresh out of the dryer. Hey, Elaine, you have to feel my pants.

Elaine: I'll see you later.

Kramer: Oh, alright. You don't know what your missing . I'm loving this, Jerry. I am never putting on another piece of clothing unless it's straight out of the dryer.

Jerry: So, now, every time you get dressed, you are going to go down to the basement and use the dryer?

Kramer : Oh yeah . It's a warm and wonderful feeling , Jerry .

I can relate.

I Feel Like Such a Big Girl

At lunch today, I went to the Department of Vital Statistics to get a certified copy of my birth certificate so I can apply for a passport. Tomorrow, I'll get a picture taken and Wednesday, I'll go to the post office with my application and all the other required paraphernalia.

I post this here so that I will stay on my own ass to get this done. It would be so sad if my international blogging friends (Lorna in Canada or Neil and Peter in Australia or Deek and Astrid in London or Nomad in France) absolutely, positively required my presence on short notice and I couldn't be there for them.

Or, I might just pop over to Cabo Wabo and visit Sammy.

Stingaree Music Festival Update

This is an update of this post.

Jesse Dayton (that's his pic up there) and Ryan Bingham have been added to the lineup for the Stingaree Music Festival at Crystal Beach 4/13, 4/14 and 4/15.

I've been listening to "X Country" on my XM radio (Channel 12) and Jesse Dayton is one of those artists who cause me to look at the display on my XM receiver when he comes on to see who's singing. I'm very excited that he'll be at the festival.

Another singer I've recently become a fan of is James McMurtry. I wonder what he's doing the middle of April. I've checked the tour calendars of a lot of other singers and a lot of them would be available for that weekend. I'll keep an eye on the Stingaree site for updates and you'll see all additions here.

Artists added as of 1/27/07:
Jesse Dayton
Ryan Bingham

Scheduled to appear as of 1/19/07:
Hayes Carll
Ray Wylie Hubbard
Adam Carroll
Sam Baker
The Dedringers
The John Evans Band
Travis Linville
Corb Lund
Roger Marin
Romi Mayes
Sisters Morales
Todd Snider
The Sidehill Gougers
The Stone Coyotes
Graham Weber
Graham Wilkinson

Not listed on the Stingaree Festival website but listed on their individual tour calendars:
Jimmy Kaiser
David Lee Kaiser

Today's Goal

My goal for today is to stay in my pajamas all day. That might not seem like much of a goal for you. However, I am usually disgusted with myself by about 11:30 and change into non-pajama attire.

It is now 12:05 and I am successfully still in my pajamas. I did put on deodorant which should help with the disgust factor. I also put on a bra, because the girls aren't getting any younger and there's no sense in tempting gravity in it's relentless pursuit to bring them to my knees.

"Isn't that weird?"

(Note: If you get bored in the middle of this post, skip to the end.)

My sister, Bonnie, says she's going to put these words on my tombstone:

"Isn't that weird?"

It seems that I find weirdness all around me. Perhaps, I create the weirdness by making connections that aren't there. Whatever the cause, whether it be coincidence, sychronicity or serendipity (all examined in previous posts on this blog which Blogger won't let me link to today) odd messages from The Universe are not lost on me. I may not be able to interpret them, but I do acknowledge them.

Last night, I was forced to acknowledge two of my most embarrassing non-accomplishments:

• As a self-proclaimed Monty Python fanatic, I have never seen Life of Brian.
• As a self-proclaimed live music addict, proud Texan and avid street partier, I have never been to Austin.

So, as soon as I got out of bed, I went to my computer to order Life of Brian from Amazon. As I was looking through my shopping cart to see what else I could order to get my free shipping, nature called. (Sorry, but that's an important part of my little story here.) I grabbed the book I'm reading, proceeded to The Throne and opened my book.

The bookmarked page and name of the next chapter? The Life of Bryan.

Did you know...

...that it's impossible for 4 out of 5 people to say superfluous after three margaritas?

The Vortex, Southern Embers and Shotgun Hustler

Last night I went to the Vortex with Jack and some people from work to catch the band of the husband and brother of one of the girls I work with. The Vortex has a reputation of being a rough place, so it wasn't an easy sell. However, we were able to coerce some of our more adventurous co-workers to venture out.

The Vortex is a great little club which provides a venue for local bands, newer groups and less mainstream music. We're lucky to have a place like this in southeast Texas and it needs our support. Hey, where else can you watch great music while sitting in an orange swivel rocker like your grandma used to have in her living room?

The music last night was great. My friends' band, Southern Embers, sounded wonderful. They are not only talented musicians but creative songwriters, as well. The opening band was Shotgun Hustler who I also enjoyed. They played some punk influenced songs which I love but rarely make an effort to see live. I need to work on that.

(Posting note: Every time I try to add links, parts of my post disappears, so I give up. You'll just have to Google Southern Embers, Shotgun Hustler and The Vortex.)

Hello, I'm Laurie...

...and I am a white bread addict.

For years now, I've been faithfully buying wheat bread and ordering wheat toast in restaurants when I really wanted white bread. When I say years, I mean years and years and years.

Enough! When I was at the grocery store last week, I bought the first loaf of white bread that I've bought in years. You know what? It was delicious.

I didn't buy that Wonder Bread crap or that Sara Lee or Natures Own fake enriched white bread propaganda bread. I bought locally baked plain old white bread. If I could get my hands on some Evangeline Maid bread like they sell in Lafayette, Louisiana, I'd be in heaven.

Peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread can't hold a candle to PB&J on white. I love white bread toast and a good old bologna sandwich on freshly bought Sunbeam bread. No more wheat for me. I'm fully-growed and I can eat what I want, dammit.

Mmmmmmmmmmm...bread...WHITE bread.

Link to My "Singing"

I put a link to my page on SingShot over there on my sidebar, if you dare. (You can also get there by clicking here or on the title of this post.)

E-eee-ville Woman

I'm such an evil woman. When I go shopping, I get irritated when there is nobody else on the aisle I'm walking down except for one person and they're standing right in front of the very thing I'm shopping for. They're standing there like a stone reading every label and turning boxes over and over and over in their dirty little hands.

When I went to shop for my new camera/microphone for my PC, there was a woman standing right in front of the webcams at Best Buy. I could tell by looking at her that she was going nowhere fast. Since I had no idea what I wanted, I couldn't just reach around her and grab one and run like I would do for toilet paper or eggs. So, I walked up to the cams and kind of scrunched near her so as to make her uncomfortable enough for her to pick her damn camera already and get the hell out of my way.

Here's where the evil begins. I knew the girl. Not only did I know her, she is one of the sweetest, nicest people I know. You want to know why she was buying a webcam? Go ahead. Ask me. Her dad, who lives in Indiana, had a stroke at Christmas time. The family thought they could help in his rehabilitation if he could see them when they were talking to him whenever they would call. I wanted a webcam to sing bad Beatles karaoke and this sweet girl and her whole family needed a webcam to speak to her disabled dad who lives hundreds of miles away.

I am scum. However, if you are standing in front of the Charmin, I will squeeze uncomfortably close to you so you will get the hell out of my way. Same goes for the eggs.

The Vault

Now that I've sufficiently wasted your time with karaoke sites, here's another one sure to cause you to lose hours and hours of your life.

The site is called the Concert Vault and it has a huge selection of live performances by a diverse variety of artists spanning decades. If you click on the tab which says Wolfgang's Vault you can look at poster art, vintage tickets and lots, lots more.

Here's the scoop on Concert Vault: Click here.

Here's the scoop on Wolfgang's Vault: Click here.

What Would You Think If I Sang Out of Tune?

More Stingaree Music Fest

(Click on post title for Stingaree Web Page)

Artists added as of 1/27/07:
Jesse Dayton
Ryan Bingham

Scheduled to appear as of 1/19/07:
Hayes Carll
Adam Carroll
Sam Baker
The Dedringers
The John Evans Band
Ray Wylie Hubbard
Travis Linville
Corb Lund
Roger Marin
Todd Snider
The Stone Coyotes
Graham Weber
Graham Wilkinson
The Sidehill Gougers
Romi Mayes
Sisters Morales

Not listed on the Stingaree website but listed on their individual tour calendars:
Jimmy Kaiser
David Lee Kaiser

There will also be a crab rodeo. (Crab Rodeo details click here.) The winner will have their name printed on the lovely shrimper's boots pictured above and will get to keep them for one year. The boots will then be given to the winner of next year's crab rodeo.

I'm going down to the beach, if the sun ever comes back out, to take pictures of some of the venues to be put on the Stingaree Festival website. According to the guy I'm corresponding with, there will be brunches and music just every-damn-where.

I will update (and repost) this post as artists are added or if I find out any other tidbits of information.

Happy Birthday, Dan!

This is from Dan's birthday celebration Saturday night. Happy Birthday, Dan!

My Online Singing Debut

Okay, boys and girls. Here it is. Please be gentle. I only tried approximately 25 songs before I found one I could remotely handle. You should have heard the others. Oh...my...God. Okay, I'll post them later. But for now, off we go...

Sing Shot

How could I possibly not know about this? This is, without a doubt, the coolest thing I've stumbled upon on the web in a long time.

While I was Google-ing "Al Stewart karaoke," I came up with the hit for Singshot. You can record your own versions of songs and there are contests and voting and it's like karaoke night right on your desktop.

I sang my own version of "Yesterday" which was horrendous, but, the beauty of karaoke is that, every version I listened to was at least as awful as mine. There are also some very good singers out there.

Man, I need to open me up a karaoke/sushi bar. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Mmmmmm...Boudin!

Friday morning, one of my friends at work asked me if I wanted one of her extra boudin colaches. While the question got a great big "Yes!" from me, I realized that most of you not only have never had boudin, but, most of you probably don't know what boudin is.

We'll start with the pronunciation. The "bou" is pronounced "boo" and the "din" is pronounced "da" as in "Dan" but without the "n." Never, never, never pronounce the "n." So, to recap, repeat after me: "boo-da."

Basically, boudin is rice dressing in a sausage casing and I love it. (Here's a recipe from Danno at NOLA Cuisine.) I also found a site with a lot of reviews for vendors in Cajun country. I prefer the spicier links that don't have a strong liver flavor. Crawfish boudin is excellent, if you can find it, and there is also a type known as blood boudin which I never have tried. Odds are, I never will try it.

Boudin can be smoked on a pit and it's delicious if it isn't too smoky. Boudin balls are boudin without the casing with a small piece of cheese in the center, rolled in breading and deep fried. Gulf Coast Market at Crystal Beach has the best boudin balls in the world. Boudin colaches are a relatively new way to eat boudin and they are out of this world.

I prefer to squeeze the boudin right out of the skin straight into my mouth but I don't, generally, do that in public, unless I'm surrounded by family or a predominantly Cajun crowd (Mardi Gras, zydeco festival, etc.) It's best with saltine crackers or a great big bag of fresh Lay's potato chips.

I close this post with a tribute to my absolutely favorite boudin in the world. Nick's Grocery in Port Arthur, Texas served the most perfectly spiced, moist boudin I've ever eaten. It had lots of green onions and wasn't too liver-y. I don't know if Nick's still sells boudin or if the store even still exists but I'll check into that and let you know.

Seasonal Affective Disorder My Ass

"If I don't see the sun soon, I swear to God, I'm going to kick a kitten.

You have been warned."

Laurie/LuLu/Lennie

Brad and Angelina's Big Move

First, a couple of disclaimers:

• I've never lived in New Orleans or the French Quarter.


• Nobody made me "Who Can and Cannot Live in the French Quarter Police."


• What other people do is none of my business.


• What Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie do is only their business and, as stated in my third little bullet up there, is certainly none of my business.

Click here for a link to more pictures of the mansion and for a description of the house that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie reportedly bought. I don't know for certain that this is the house. However, it certainly fits all the descriptions I've read in the media and it was e-mailed to me by a very reliable source.

People have asked me what I think of their big move and, keeping the above disclaimers in mind, here's my bulleted uneducated opinion:

• Whatever helps the city is a good thing.
• Ideally, anyone who moves into the French Quarter is doing so because they get that tingly feeling when they first set foot there. (I hope Brad and Angelina get tingly all over when they walk through the French Market or stroll up and down Royal Street.)
• Angelina has a reputation of being...uh...eccentric. This makes me think she probably truly loves the uniqueness of the French Quarter.
• Brad has a well known love of architecture which makes me think that his interest in living in the French Quarter is genuine, as well.
• Hopefully, any other celebrities who might move into Brad and Angelina's neighborhood do so out of love and not out of a craving to be trendy.

I wonder if they need a nanny.

America (click title for official America website)

The band America has a new CD out which was released yesterday. I heard a track this morning and I loved it.

This info is from Amazon.com:
"In an effort to aim the album toward both younger and older audiences, the label decided to bundle the new album with a second disc comprising live performances of every track from History: America's Greatest Hits, previously recorded at XM Radio as part of XM's Then Again...Live series."

Here's a bit of trivia I picked up from Song Facts as well as Wikipedia:

"The cover artwork on the album History: America's Greatest Hits was the work of Phil Hartmann, who later became famous as a comedian on Saturday Night Live. Hartmann later dropped an "n" off his last name prior to achieving fame. His brother John was America's manager for many years. "

"I Miss You Haiku"

I just checked my stat counter and someone arrived here a short while ago by searching for the term: "I Miss You Haiku." Since this is a full-service blog, here's an "I Miss You Haiku" for that person although it's about six minutes too late.

I stole the first couple of lines from a country song or something but the last line is all me...

I Miss You Haiku

How can I miss you

If you will not go away?

You did. Now, I do.

It's Baaaaack!

I can't help myself. I love American Idol. On that note, I need help in picking a karaoke machine. As you can tell from my top two choices below, I'm looking for portability. I especially like the orange one because it's a television, boom box and karaoke machine all in one.

The problem is, the more I look, the more confused I become. I can't decide how much I want to spend and and I keep going higher and higher, cost-wise, telling myself, "...for just $20 more..." until I'm in the $200 range at which point I call myself an idiot and walk away from the computer.

Help!



More info on the one above here.




More info on this one here.

I'm COLD Dammit!

I Really Need to Venture Out More

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

The Best I Can Do

In a comment on my Ringo/Ray Wylie Hubbard post, Grimm mentioned that he wants Ringo's hat. Since I don't personally know Ringo (yet), this is the best I can do.

You're welcome.

Let's Laugh

This video is hilarious. You might have your doubts in the first couple of minutes, but, stick with it. It's worth it. (I got it off of Grimm's site.) The comedian is Eric Lambert and the giggling man is Doug Collins. Here's a website with more details, if you're interested.

After a little investigation, I found out it was filmed at The Comedy Barn Theater in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. I've never had any desire to partake in the good clean fun in Branson, Missouri or in any of those nice family places in the Smoky Mountains (I'm more of a New Orleans/Las Vegas kind of girl), but this video makes me think I might be missing something.

The video was first posted on YouTube by BrokerTim who says that this guy is his father and that is his real laugh. The video is about 10 minutes long but it's worth every minute.

Ringo Starr on Ray Wylie Hubbard

Ringo Starr talks about Ray Wylie Hubbard's Snake Farm CD. (Click here.)

While you're buying Ray's Snake Farm CD (you are, aren't you?), you should also buy Live at Cibolo Creek Country Club. It has lots of his onstage joking and story telling on it and track number 9 (Wanna Rock and Roll/Folsom Prison Blues) is worth twice the cost of the CD.

Did I mention that Ray Wylie Hubbard is going to be at the Stingaree Music Festival? Yeah, I probably did.

While I'm spending your money, you should also buy The Beatles Love which Ringo also mentions in his little video. This is the stage show soundtrack to Cirque de Soleil's Las Vegas show of the same name.

A friend of mine at the office was actually fortunate enough to see this show and she said it was amazing. The Beatles and Cirque de Soleil together? It had to be fantastic. She brought the CD to the office so I could listen to it and I loved it.

I think I'll be spending my Best Buy Christmas gift card and mom and dad Christmas gift money today. Let's see: tax software, The Beatles Love CD, karioke machine and karioke CDs, DVD/DVR/VHS recorder. Ew, I might be a little over.

Merry Christmas, to me!!!

In Laurie's Brain - More Haiku

Suicidal Woman

Idiot woman,
Must you walk down the up ramp?
I will soon crush you.

Shopper's Lament

Oh, short check-out line,
You cruelly beckon to me.
Price check makes me weep.

Copy Boy's Pain

Crappy copier,
You jam when I need you most.
Your metal guts suck.

Beach Road Blues

Highway 1-2-4,
I follow your white line south.
The Gulf waits for me.

Pelicans

Watch the pelicans
As they gracefully fly by.
My soul flies with them.

Take Heed My Pretties

Here's an important piece of advice for you today. When you see someone, whether it be in the office, on the street or in a bar, and they look sad or unhappy or, in your uninformed opinion, too serious, do not say to them:

"Smile!"

"Stop looking so serious!"

"Oh, it can't be that bad!"

Number one, yes, it can be that bad.

Number two, you have no idea why the person looks serious so, I repeat number one, yes, it can be that bad.

Number three, if the person felt like smiling, chances are, she'd be smiling already, you twit-wad.

It is okay to ask, "Are you okay?" If the answer is "Yes," take her word for it and walk away you ignorant dip-shit. If the answer is "No," you may then ask:

"Can I help?"

"Is it something I said (did, wrote, etc.)?"

Now, if the answer to either of the above is "NO!!", even though you know the answer is "Yes," just walk away. Dare I say, walk away quickly. If the person wants you to know why she is serious, not smiling and whether or not it is, in fact, "that bad," she will eventually get around to telling you, she will get over it or it was none of your business in the first place.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to walk up the hall and bitch-slap a co-worker.

Which Sci-Fi Crew Would You Best Fit In?

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files). You are part of a super secret section of the FBI. You also have the very cool status of Special Agent. You believe in many conspiracies and know the government is covering up way too much. Now if only you could get the Cigarette Smoking Man to stop killing you with the second-hand smoke.

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Moya (Farscape) 100% FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files) 100% Babylon 5 (Babylon 5) 94% Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix) 88% SG-1 (Stargate) 81% Serenity (Firefly) 81% Deep Space Nine (Star Trek) 81% Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda) 63% Millennium Falcon (Star Wars) 56% Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica) 56% Enterprise D (Star Trek) 50% Bebop (Cowboy Bebop) 44% Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

Boston Legal in New Orleans

I wasn't going to post about this because I am a huge fan of Boston Legal. However, when I woke up this morning and it was still on my mind, I had to write it down to get it out of my brain. That, by the way, is how you people end up with 90% of these posts.

For whatever reason, the powers that be who run this show chose to present a Disney-ized version of New Orleans nightlife and accents to the rest of the country in this episode. A year and a half ago, this might have flown with people who have never been to New Orleans. Hopefully, now, people know a little more about the soul of the city than what was portrayed on this episode .

Here's a comment I left on another blog last night:

I was so mad!!! This is a great television show with an undoubtedly huge budget and they couldn't even find one single person with an authentic New Orleans accent?! I would have been happy if EITHER of them remotely sounded like someone from New Orleans. They both sounded like actors in a BAD local theater production of a Tennessee Williams play.

Then there was that farce they tried to call a New Orleans jazz club with Denny Crane onstage. It was so obviously someone's Walt Disney imagined version of a New Orleans club right down to all the wholesome, well-dressed patrons that I would have laughed if it hadn't been so sad.

Knights of Prosperity

Watch this show tonight on ABC at 9:00 ET (8:00 CT). You won't be sorry. The show after it, In Case of Emergency, is pretty funny, too. If you're going to waste an hour of your life, I can think of worse ways to do it.

EDITED TO ADD: According to the ABC website, the show will start at 8:25 p.m. tonight, after the president's speech.

Keyword Search

My keyword search log which shows how people arrived at this blog through search engines has been boringly normal lately. Most of my hits are for people looking for the lyrics to the song of the same name as the title of this blog or for information on local restaurants. Disturbingly, I've been getting a lot of hits for "Charles Manson" since I did the post earlier this week in which I mentioned his name.

Today, however, people arrived at this blog through this strange smorgasborg of search phrases:

• you live in new orleans when daniel greens
• do you know what it means to miss new orleans chart
• do evil spirits smell
• cartoons/ fatten up to put in pie
• new orleans la homemade video of people have sex at work
• you know you from new orleans when daniel greens
• new orleans most wanted
• do you know what it means to miss new orleans?
• if you know what i mean to miss new orlean

Do evil spirits smell? I don't know and who the heck is Daniel Greens? I wonder if he's the guy having sex at work in New Orleans.

Make a Penguin Fly

CLICK ON THE TITLE

The Reason I Bought Satellite Radio

The main reason I bought satellite radio (I have XM) was to discover new music. I admit that I get stuck on the 70's station and the various classic rock and 90's alternative stations most of the time, but, below are three singers I had never heard of before who are incredible.

• Marc Broussard
• Alice Smith
• Jesse Dayton

Did you know that there is a punk rock band named The Cramps. I didn't.

Finally, here's a list of the music channels on XM.

What, Me Worry?

Downtown Austin was shut down this morning after the discovery of several dozen dead birds in the downtown area near the capital. Officials are checking for chemicals in the air or a possible gas leak and don’t believe the bird deaths were caused by bird flu.

Also, this morning, parts of Manhattan were closed down due to a strong gas smell in the air.

As if I don't have enough to worry about what with the Skull and Bones Society, the Trilateral Commission, the Masons, the Knights Templar and the ever present Knights of Columbus, now I have to worry about gassy New Yorkers and dead birds in MY STATE CAPITAL!

Not to mention the military, the FBI and the CIA each thinking they are the only barrier between the rest of us common folk and total annihilation when we all know that there is certainly something out there even more covert and frightening than the CIA which the CIA doesn't even know about.

Now, where did I put those cyanide pills?

Stupid Frogs

It's nice to know that some things never change. I'm still as spastic as I ever was at Frigger...uh, I mean...Frogger.

Click here to play more 80's arcade games. They say they're 80's arcade games but I definitely played some of these in the 70's. Yeah, I sucked back then, too.

The only things I could play with any degree of success on my son's first Nintendo were Excitebike and Kung Fu and, even at 7 years old, he always kicked my ass.

Do I LOOK like Charles Manson?

Saturday I went to the beach to rent a cabin for my vacation in April. When I got to the real estate office, I told the lady which dates I needed and which cabins I was interested in. Those of you who know me are correct in assuming that I had my notebook, file folder and clipboard with me so we were able to hit the ground running.

When I told the lady I was interesed in a particular cabin, she looked at me and said, "That one is very basic."

She said this to me in the same way that Tony Soprano would tell someone, "You don't want to use that waste removal contractor."

I told her that my family liked the pictures because it has a pool table and she repeated in the same monotone, slightly threatening voice, staring right into my eyes, "It's very basic."

A man who was there at the same time, looked at me and said, "It's a guy thing. They always want the one with the pool table."

The real estate lady shot him a look that said, "Mind your own business, buster."

She looked back at me and I said, "Okay, let's scratch that one off then."

She then gave me the keys to the three cabins from my list that weren't rented for the week I wanted and which met her, evidently, high standards of beach cabin rental ethics.

When I got to the first cabin, I noticed that there was an SUV parked under the cabin. I assumed it was someone on the beach who just decided to park their car under this particular beachfront cabin. I was wrong.

I climbed the stairs and walked around on the deck for a minute when, suddenly, the front door of the cabin opened. Standing there was an extremely surly 40-ish-year-old woman. Who can be unhappy at the beach, I ask you?

I said, "Oh, hi! The lady at S_____'s told me no one was staying here. I'm thinking about renting this cabin in April."

She just glared at me. She glared. At ME.

I said, "I'm sorry. Is this your cabin? The lady must not have known you were here."

"It's not my cabin and she knew we were here. I paid her, " she scowled.

Being as sweet as I could, I walked over to her and tried to look inside the cabin and said, "Do you mind if I just peek at the living area right here? I won't walk in."

She blocked the door like I was Freddy Krueger trying to murder her and everyone inside. Behind her, I could see two women, one sitting at the kitchen table and one sitting on the couch. There was no wild-drug-sex party going on which would have at least explained her lousy attitude at being so rudely interrupted.

I, suddenly, did have a very real desire to go all Charles Manson on her ass but I just said, "Thanks, anyway, bitch." (I didn't really say that.)

The good news is that I got my cabin and now I'm ready for the Stingaree Music Festival which is being organized by Hayes Carll. Yeah, that's right. I didn't tell any of you, my faithful readers, about it until I had MY cabin rented.

You didn't know I could be so sneaky, did you?

Addictive Movies

Last night I was going to watch about five minutes of Slap Shot then go to bed. I should have known better. Slap Shot is one of those movies that sucks me in. I tell myself, "I'll stop watching right after this part," and next thing I know, it's two hours later and I watched the whole thing.

Here are some more silly movies I can't quit watching if I happen upon them while cruising the cable. They aren't art but they sure are fun.

• Pulp Fiction
• Ghostbusters
• Blind Date
• Animal House
• Honeymoon in Vegas
• The Burbs

(Actually, the list was much longer but you people don't need to know how many hours I waste laying on the couch.)

Mike Evans (Lionel Jefferson) Died

Did you guys know that Mike Evans, the guy who played Lionel Jefferson, died December 14th ? How'd I miss that? (You can click on the post title for the story.)

My Favorite Dilbert Cartoon

My Favorite The Far Side Cartoon

My Niece Katie's History Class Project

I thought this was so cute, I had to share...

In Laurie's Brain - Horrifying Limericks

There once was a werewolf named Sydney
Who howled at the moon every Wednesday.
When asked, "Why not Monday?"
Or, "What about Sunday?"
He said, "Go away kid, you bug me."


If you ever see a mummy in France
Don't ask the mummy to dance.
He'll unwrap his face
While grabbing your waist
And the bastard doesn't wear pants.


If you live in a house that is haunted
With ghosts that nobody wanted,
It's best to save face
And just give them the place.
Why would you want to be taunted?


There once was a monster named Frankie
Who scared all the folks in the county.
He had bolts in his neck,
Was the color of Shrek
And he made grown men scream for Mommy.


I once knew a sucky old vampire
Who was also a big fat liar.
He said, "I won't bite you.
A nibble just might do."
And now I'm not seen in a mirror.


There once was a zombie named Fred
Who wasn't so bad for undead.
I took him aside
And gave him some pie
And the fucker ate a chunk of my head.


By Laurie Anderson

My Resolutions

1. Stop looking at people like they’re stupid when they do stupid things.
2. Do more stupid things.
3. Buy a karoke machine and microphone stand, practice, practice, practice and knock ‘em dead at the Cat’s Meow.
4. Go to the beach more often.
5. Cook more often (I stole this one from someone else but I don’t remember who).
6. Stop stealing other people’s ideas.
7. Stop buying so many DVD’s! You’re never going to watch them, you idiot.
8. Stop calling myself an idiot.
9. Buy uncomfortable clothes and shoes just because they look good.
10. Wear the uncomfortable clothes and shoes just because they look good and smile like an idiot when I wear them.
11. Dammit, I already broke resolution number 8.

Which Seinfeld Character Are You?

What Seinfeld character are you? Jerry Seinfeld You are the star of the show! You are a stand-up comedian who spends his life dwelling on the excrutiating minutae of everday life. You live in apartment 5A at 129 W. 81st St. in New York City and you have a knack for finding very strange friends.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Last Adventure of 2006 and First Adventure of 2007

Last night, I decided to stay in and watch my favorite "feel good" movie, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and read my new Anthony Bourdain book. That didn't happen.

My sister Terry called me at around 7:00 p.m. to tell me they were headed downtown. I told her my plans and she called bullshit on them. I called bullshit on her and laid back on the couch. After about five minutes of couch laying, I began to rethink my evening. Terry called again from Crockett Street at about 9:00 p.m. and I pulled my lazy ass off the couch, threw on some warpaint and met her, Dan and Alpha at the Star Bar. (I also ran into my son's friend Ryan...Hi, Ryan!...who told me he reads this blog every day. That really made my night. Thanks, Ryan!)

At about 11:30 a.m. we went out to the street but it was too cold for me. I told them I was going into TEN and would find them later. They decided to go with me to TEN. There was a great five piece jazz group called Loco Motif. I can't find a website on them but I think they're out of Houston. I found myself a corner and told them I wasn't moving.

I also committed my first act of petty larceny of 2007 in TEN. I ordered a Pama and vodka which the bartender gave to me in a plastic glass and charged me $6.00. No problem because it was very heavy on the Skyy vodka. Later, the waitress charged me $8.25 for the exact same drink except that it was served in a martini glass. Since I felt $2.25 was a pretty hefty surcharge for the privilege of drinking out of a glass versus drinking out of a plastic cup, I stole a menu.

TEN gave everyone free champagne at midnight and, eventually, Terry and Dan left. So, I told Alpha I wanted to check out the new club she had been talking about called Nell's Place (they don't have a website either). The club is beautiful inside with a huge mural of New Orleans on the back wall and the music was fabulous blues, R&B and zydeco. Here are the specifics for Nell's:

Address:
500 Franklin at Park
Beaumont, TX 77701

Hours:
Tuesday - Friday Open at 5pm
Saturday - Open at 7pm
Happy Hour - Tuesday - Friday 5-7pm

Phone:
(409) 838-3839