Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Dirty Money

About a week ago, I opened my wallet and discovered I had somehow accumulated about twenty one-dollar bills. My wallet was so fat I couldn't close it. It was like, one day I had a couple of twenties and the next day I had a wallet full of ones.

The scary part is, I don't know where all the ones came from. Could I possibly have a multiple personality disorder thing going on and I'm actually Laurie (me), LuLu (the stripper) and Lennie (the serial killer)?

Speaking of strippers, do the one dollar bills they accumulate go directly back into commerce? When I opened my wallet at Jack in the Box this morning, I wondered, "Suppose I am LuLu the Stripper and these ones were in my g-string last night. Now, I'm paying for my breakfast with nasty g-string money which will be put into the cash register and given as change to the soccer mom in the SUV right behind me."

I would like to make the following proposal. When people go into a strip club, they should be required to exchange their one dollar bills for Stripper Money. At the end of the night, the strippers would exchange their Stripper Money (which is all sweaty, and...well, you know) for real, relatively non-nasty, money.

Now, that I've figured out what should be done with LuLu's stripper money, I need to work on Lennie's problem of misplacing all of Laurie's good butcher knives.

12 comments:

laura1814 said...

Strippers or no, money is some of the nastiest, dirtiest stuff you will ever find.

Grimm said...

You had me rolling as usual.

As a public service announcement to anyone who will be frequenting one of these establishments, I would like to issue the following warning:

Do not mix your gas money in with your singles.

That nasty dancer with the missing front tooth will end up with your $20 bill.

Leslie said...

You are so funny.

Grimm's Wife said...

Gee Grim...you seem to have a bit knowledge about these places.

Do you usually tip the nast dancer with the missing front tooth?

Oh yeah, I forgot...you like "homely girls."

Serena Joy said...

Stripper Money makes sense to me. Money's already dirty enough. I don't really want any that's been in a g-string. When LuLu's "out," you might want to make other arrangements. Probably not IOUs.

I know where your knives are. They're nice and sharp now, too. LOL.

Laurie said...

Laura - That's what I hear. Yuck!

Grimm - Whoa! I wonder what your wife will have to say about that comment. Oh, wait. Here she is now...

Leslie a/k/a Mrs. Grimm - Thanks! What did you think about Grimm's comment? Oh, wait...

Grimm's Wife - Hahahahah! I ain't even gonna ask about the "homely" story.

Serena Joy - Whew, that's a relief. I was afraid it was Lennie again.

Peter said...

Well G (string) that's interesting

Laurie said...

Peter - Did I "string" you along a little with that post?

Roxan said...

That's what we need. A money "sanitizing" service. LOL

I'll clean your money. Can't guarantee I'll return it though.:P

Laurie said...

Roxan - Oh! That might be a needed service right there.

La Sirena said...

The gross part isn't the strippers' g-strings... it's the nasty, sticky, john fingers clutching at the bills in the first place.

And the poor strippers have to carry those cooties around a little too close to their sacred space.

Yucky!

Laurie said...

La Sirena - Bless your heart! I wasn't even thinking about those poor girls. I feel bad now! Here's a toast to our sisters on the front lines...CHEERS ladies!