Cory and Jamie's New Puppy

Oakley

*Pic* Sweet puppy

*Pic* Cory and Jamie and their new puppy Oakley

It Oughta Be a Law

Half of the bottles, tubes and containers in my house are balanced upside down against walls and towels and other bottles, tubes and containers because I'm trying to get the last drop of lotion, detergent or gel out of the container because I'm so cheap.

I propose a law that all openings for anything liquid be on the bottom of aforementioned containers. Stop the balancing act, now! Power to the cheap!

Big Plans for the Evening

I'll be doing my pitiful lack-of-income-taxes while the Acadamy Awards drone on in the background with its million dollar shoes, priceless boob jobs and innumerable boobs. I'm a glutton for punishment.

Casino Outcome and Fondue Monks

I got back from the casino and broke even which is actually like saying I won $100 which is the amount I usually lose. After I lose my $100, I sit at a slot machine and pretend to gamble so I can get free liquor. Sure, the free liquor cost me $100 but it feels free. I love casino Bloody Mary's.

When I got home, my sister, Terry, called and wanted me to go with her and Dan to Madison's to see the Fondue Monks. They are one of our favorite Houston bands. The bass player plays like our lives depend on it and the lead singer is hot, hot, hot. Oh, and he can sing, too. The lead guitarist and drummer also kick rock and roll ass. They play a lot of original music in a sort of jazzy/rock and roll vein and their best covers are of Jimi Hendrix and The Doors. This is the link to their fan club.

Lead singer, Denver, has auditioned for the reality show to find a new lead singer for INXS. I'll keep you posted if that goes anywhere. We took pictures last night which I will post later. Below are pictures from Antone's last year.

*Pic* Fondue Monks

*Pic* Denver

*Pic* Fondue Monks

*Pic* Roz

*Pic* More Fondue Monks

*Pic* Fondue Monks at Antone's

Wish Me Luck

I'm off to the casino in Kinder. As I've written before, I've been very lucky in life except for three areas:

1. I can't pick men
2. I can't pick the right line (grocery store, bank, anywhere...)
3. I can't pick a slot machine

So, there isn't much hope but that doesn't stop me from flushing my money away. I also don't think this qualifies as breaking my giving up for lent thing because I'm pretty damn sure I won't benefit from this little excursion.

Hopefully, I'll at least get a good blog post out of it.

Adios, amigos

Friday Night Standup - Rodney Dangerfield

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
• I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
• I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
• I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
• I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
• I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
• I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
• I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
• I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
• I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
• I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
• It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
• My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
• My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
• My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
• My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
• My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
• My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
• My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
• My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
• My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
• On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
• The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
• This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
• What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
• When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
• When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
• With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
• Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

From My Calendar at Work

Note on door: Out to lunch. If not back by five, out for dinner also.

On the Job Injury: Why Do Paper Cuts Hurt So Much?

From several websites (inspired by one bitch of a paper cut on my left pinky):

1. Any shallow cut, whether made by paper or a sharp plastic edge, hurts more than a deep cut because the shallow one remains open. The body quickly seals a deeper cut with a blood clot. An open wound, no matter how small, hurts.
2. Due to all the stuff in paper, some of it is left behind in the wound. The foreign matter (paper is made of wood mulch and a variety of chemicals) stimulates pain receptors in your finger, causing the stinging sensation and causing the cut to heal slowly.
3. There may also be a psychological component. We don't expect paper to hurt us, and we get angry and upset when it does. Paper cuts come unexpectedly, when we are engaged in what we think is a low-risk activity, and we can get impatient with them when they heal slowly.
4. (Added by Lorna) The paper wants to hurt us.

I think #4 makes the most sense.

I Feel So Betrayed

For weeks now, I've been raving about the new classic rock radio station (97.5 KIOL) out of Houston. Today, they committed an unforgivable sin high on my list of unforgivable things which I consider unforgivable. They hired disc jockeys.

It was bound to happen. The worst part of it is that this morning I did not wake up to Layla or Dark Side of the Moon but to some idiot making stupid jokes and some other idiots laughing at the first idiot's stupid jokes. The idiots in question are Walton and Johnson, whoever the hell they are. Evidently, they're your typical syndicated morning zoo program who lost their Houston audience when K101 changed to a Mexican or Spanish format or some such drama and blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada...SHUT UP AND PLAY SOME DAMN MUSIC! Between 5:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m. today, I heard exactly three songs. That's mainly because I kept turning the radio in my office off and on hoping they'd be gone but, alas, they were still there.

Finally, at 10:00 a.m. they were finished with their little (and I mean very little) comedy crap and the rest of the day was just music. I guess they're going to gradually add more disc jockeys which makes me very sad. I knew it was too good to be true. I'm going into my bedroom now to reset my radio clock alarm back to the Spanish rock station. At least I can't understand their stupid jokes.

Bad Karma

My stapler committed suicide at work today. I was stapling like a maniac and it didn't just quit working, it exploded. The top popped open and pieces of metal flew all over the place. I grabbed a new one out of the supply closet but it sucked so I traded it with the one that sits by the small copier. Don't tell anyone.

The small copier isn't too far from my office and I'm getting way too much enjoyment out of listening to people cuss when they try to staple more than six pieces of paper together with the piece of crap stapler. Ah, cheap thrills, the best kind.

*Pic*

*Pic*

Pictures from the BBQ

Below are pictures from the BBQ celebrating Darlene and Jerry's wedding. Most of the people in these pictures are co-workers. We had a great time. I had so much fun at the party, in fact, that I was really too tired to enjoy Jive Train at Antones later that night but they were great as usual. They'll be back next month. I'll take a nap.

*Pic* Jerry cooking

*Pic* Christy, Davie

*Pic* Justin

*Pic* Laci and Darlene

*Pic* Davie and Kaveman

*Pic* Darlene's family

*Pic* Mona, Darlene's mom right in front

*Pic* Sue, Randy, Alma

*Pic* Peggy, Steve, Darlene's Dad

*Pic* Me

*Pic* David, Davie, Lou

*Pic* Brian, Jen, David, Chriscy, Carly, Lou, Cheri, Victor

*Pic* Shannon, Darlene, Lou

*Pic* Tara, Cheri and Darlene