I've decided what I'm buying myself for Christmas this year. I'm treating myself to a Sirius satellite radio receiver for my house and for my car. It isn't the commercials on standard FM radio that bother me. It's the moronic morning radio shows that drive me insane.
I even have my clock radio alarm set to the spanish rock station just so I don't have to listen to that crap. Granted, the spanish rock station is undoubtedly presenting their own version of the morning yuck fest but at least I don't understand whatever idiotic tripe they're pretending to find so hilarious. I tried setting my radio alarm to NPR but their monotone voices and soothing music just lulled me back into the dead zone from which I was trying, unsuccessfully, to emerge.
It's not that I want all those loud, unfunny, uninteresting morning zoo dimbulbs to become unemployed and eventually end up working in the cubicle beside me. I just want them to shut up already. Who decided that the entire population of North America wants to wake up to annoying, braying men and women with their ridiculous games, sophomoric humor and who-gives-a-crap trivia?
Of course, since I don't want these goofballs to be out of work (or working in my office), I propose the following rules which will, hopefully, one day become an amendment to the United States Constitution. All disk jockeys not on "Talk Radio" would be allowed to speak for no more than twenty seconds between songs. Songs. Music. Remember? The reason we turned on the damn radio in the first place.
If I had my own radio station, the DJ's would be strictly monitored and appropriately demeaned for breaking the 20-second rule. I want to know two things and two things only. I want to know which artist performed the song and I want to know what album it's on. Okay, I'll let them tell us what year the album came out. But, that's it. I want this information before the song plays and I want this information after the song plays.
Oh, and they can tell me if it's going to rain.
Hey, it's my radio station.