My Embarrassing Tipping Experience

I recently read a blog post in which the author wondered if you should tip the guys who do the detail work when you have your car washed. That post made me think about my own tipping habits and reminded me of one of my most embarrassing moments.

As for my tipping habits, I'm a very good tipper. I go to New Orleans and Las Vegas a lot and this is where I learned that being a generous tipper keeps everyone happy. It's an ideal symbiotic relationship. The person receiving the nice tip is happy (I'm not saying an outrageously huge tip, just a little extra), my glass is never empty and I always have plenty of clean towels.

Now, for my embarrassing experience. Until my hairdresser changed shops, she worked in one of the high end salons here in Beaumont. I loved going to that place and I miss it now that she's in a smaller shop. In the larger salon, there was great music, lots of stylists and lots of people everywhere. When you were called for your appointment, one of the many shampoo persons would shampoo you for the stylist. The shampoo included a wonderful five minute head massage. Oh, yeah. It was great. I always tipped the shampoo person a couple of bucks because that's what my mama taught me.

One day, I was called back for my shampoo by a young, good looking, very stylish guy. He gave me the usual shampoo with the wonderful five minute head massage which became a ten minute head and shoulder massage. Oh, man. When it was done, I tried to give the guy the tip. He looked at me, kind of smirked, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Oh, that's okay." It was very strange and made me feel oddly uncomfortable.

When I told my daughter-in-law what had happened, she asked me what the guy looked like. She said, "You tried to tip, Leonardo Da Vinci." (Not his real name, but you get my drift.) I had tried to tip the owner of the salon! The Master Stylist himself! There I sat in my Saturday morning t-shirt, non-designer jeans and no-name tennis shoes trying to give two bucks to one of the richest men in Beaumont. (He owns several of these salons.)

Of course, I have no shame. I kept going to the salon because total and utter humiliation is a small price to pay for a good haircut.

Because Lauren Challenged Me...

My newest blogging friend, Lauren, says I have to do this so here I go. For those of you who are bored by this sort of thing, move along and I'll post you tomorrow.

1. 3 names you go by: 1. Laurie 2. Lo-Lo (Aunt Gert and Uncle Henry call me this. I'm not sure why and they're on different sides of the family.) 3. Aunt Honey (my niece and all my nephews)
2. 3 screen names you have: 1. lauriea776 2. landerson1 3. lauriean
3. 3 things you like about yourself: 1. Easy going 2. I like all kinds of music 3. I'm easily entertained by the mundane
4. 3 things I dislike about myself: 1. Judgmental 2. Overly cautious 3. Inhibited
5. 3 parts of your heritage: 1. Cajun French (mom's side of the family) 2. Cajun French (dad's side of the family) 3. Attakapa Indian (a little bit on mom's side)
6. 3 things that scare you: 1. Heights 2. Bugs 3. Snakes
7. 3 of your everyday essentials: 1. Anti-wrinkle cream 2. Write at least one post in my blog 3. Sleep, sleep, sleep
8. 3 things you're wearing right now: 1. Pajama pants 2. Jive Train long sleeve t-shirt 3. Slipper socks that look like ballet slippers.
9. 3 of your favorite bands/artists: 1. Allman Brothers 2. Led Zepplin 3. Steely Dan
10. 3 of your favorite songs at the present: 1. Anything by Jason Mraz 2. Anything by Maroon 5 3. Anything by Cold Play
11. 3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given, and I will add in great sex and honesty) : 1. Humor 2. Intelligence 3. Trust
12. 2 truths and a lie (no particular order to keep you guessing): 1. I love New Orleans 2. I love Las Vegas 3. I hate to fly
13. 3 physical things about a love interest that appeal: 1. Smiles a lot 2. Nice eyes 3. Smells good
14. 3 things you just can't do: 1. Ride roller coasters 2. Sing (doesn't stop me though) 3. Eat peas
15. 3 of your favorite hobbies (blogging isn't a hobby, it's an addiction): 1. Reading 2. New York Times Sunday Crossword Puzzle (it's a hobby because it takes me all week) 3. Computer games (Sims, Civilization, Age of Emires, stuff like that)
16. 3 things you want to do badly right now: 1. Watch CSI New York in about 2 minutes 2. Continue reading Lord of the Rings 3. Go to bed
17. 3 careers you are considering: 1. Writer (from my fabulous townhouse in the French Quarter) 2. Writer (from my fabulous beach house on Crystal Beach) 3. Writer (from my fabulous suite in Las Vegas)
18. 3 kids names (either boy or girl): 1. Cory (my son) 2. Jamie (my daughter-in-law) 3. Carly (what I was going to name Cory if he was a girl)
19. 3 things you want to do before you die: 1. Go to New York City 2. Go to California 3. Go to Europe
20. 3 people who have to take this quiz now: 1. Astrid www.supercalifajalisticexpialidocious.blogspot.com 2. Tracey www.mtblackmon.blogspot.com 3. Jen www.lookingfordave.blogspot.com

*Pic* Sea-Monkeys: The Box

The Perfect Pet

I don't have pets. I like animals in theory. In practice, however, they are destructive, they are messy, they are demanding, they are expensive and they stink.

I am so self-centered and self-indulgent that I don't even have plants because that would be one more thing to fuss over and dust and feed and water.

I have, however, made the plunge into pet ownership on a level I can deal with. I have bought Sea Monkeys! Not just any Sea Monkeys, mind you. I bought The Amazing Live Sea-Monkeys Executive Set. In about ten minutes, I will give them the gift of life. Of course, if their little tank gets dirty, they're getting flushed.

Sayonara, monkey boy.

Who's That Girl?

There used to be a club here in Beaumont called Main Street. It was one club but it consisted of three different venues. One was a country bar, one was a karioke bar and the other was a dance club. My sisters and I have different tastes in music and one night Bonnie wanted to go to the country bar but I wanted to stay in the dance club. Because they were bored and probably trying to ditch their husbands, Melissa and Terry went with Bonnie to the country bar across the way.

Bonnie had imbibed a few cocktails so she was thinking she was looking pretty cute and that she was just about drunk enough to do a really smooth Electric Slide. As Bonnie was perfecting one of her more intricate moves, she stepped on her own foot and fell flat on her ass. (I sure wish I had seen that.)

Melissa, being a good friend, punched Terry and said, "Oh my God! Do you think she's okay?"

Terry said, "I don't know. Maybe."

"Go help her!" Melissa choked out between waves of laughter.

Terry said, "Hell no! People will know she's with us!"

She Thinks Her Tractor's Sexy

This morning I overheard one of the attorneys ask his paralegal why she was limping. Her reply was, “I hurt my leg getting on my tractor.”

I was going to end this post with the statement: Nowhere but Texas. However, when I thought about it, I realized that there are probably lots of states with tractor-driving paralegals. But, I’ll bet you dollars to donuts, by God, that we have more of them per law firm than any other state.

Yeah, I’m braggin’.

Journey Tribute Band Experience

We (Laurie, Terry, Bonnie, Dan, Steve, Alfa) went to Antone's last night and saw a Journey tribute band. After further investigation, I've found out that this tribute band is actually a sideline for a band from Houston called Stride (http://www.strideonline.com).

I have a bad habit of prejudging bands before they play their first note. Before they even started, I noticed a lot of posturing by the lead singer (very Steve Perry-ish) and I also noticed that the lead guitarist was wearing leather pants. I immediately decided I'd be ragging on these guys all night long. It's not nice, I know, but that's me.

I can't remember what song they opened with but within about three bars, I decided lead guitarist guy could perform butt-naked if he wanted and lead singer guy could posture his ass off with the best of them. I never saw a Journey concert but this guy's voice was amazing. The lead guitarist, keyboard guy and drummer were all, individually, great musicians. Sorry to use a worn-out cliche but, they rocked.

When you listen to music with Dan and Steve, it's like having your own little VH-1 Behind the Music episode presented just for you. I had no idea that Journey was the result of two former Santana members (Gregg Rolie and Neal Schon) forming a band. The bass player also had an amazing voice and, according to Dan, he was singing the Journey songs that Gregg Rolie sang. I remember in the 80's that people would criticize the Steve Perry version of Journey saying that Journey had become nothing but a Steve Perry backup band and now I know what they were talking about. I still love the Steve Perry version though.

To make the night even more perfect, there was a group of 20-something people there who I imagined as my own personal "Brat Pack" placed in front of me for my entertainment. They weren't annoying or irritating so I enjoyed spying on their little dramas. These guys must have been kids when Journey was rocking on MTV but they were loving it. I'm sure some of the love was chemically enhanced but it was fun to watch nonetheless.

By the way, Carly, in case I forget to tell you, A. J. was there and he says hi.

*Pic* Dan, Terry, Radi, Laurie at the Black Cat

Saturday Morning Fashion Statement

*Pic*

Yes, I get my eclectic fashion sense from my dad.

Friday Night Stand Up

I'M GOING TO HELL
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams

"Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"

"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."

"You can't go there, "says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that !"


THE CATHOLIC DOG
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died.

Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, an there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

DONATION
Father O'Malley answers the phone, "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"

"It is."

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I can"

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do"

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is"

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"He will."

CONFESSION
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

"I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

"Are you sorry for your sins?"

"What sins?"

"What kind of a Catholic are you?"

"I'm Jewish."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"I'm telling everybody."

Blog Explosion Voting: The Outcome So Far

Seriously folks, my last post wasn't a sneaky way to beg for votes (Re: 1 Star Voting Blog Haters) but I thank you for them. The outcome so far? When I posted that article, I had 46 votes and a 7.38 rating. I now have 89 votes and a 7.15 rating. The fact that it's gone down is not the point of this note (softly weeping). My point is that while the number of votes has almost doubled, my rating has stayed about the same. I've had a lot of nice people say they've given me 10's so that means a lot of people rated me very low with, I'm sure, a smattering of 1's (weeping harder now).

I think my nefarious plan is working (evil laughing through the tears)!

Blog Explosion: A Plan to Foil the "1 Star Voting Blog Haters"

I have a plan that will render the “1 Star Voting Blog Haters” irrelevant. The secret is in volume. When I first started blogging, I would get respectable 5’s and 6’s and I was thrilled. Then, I got a couple of 1’s. I was immediately transported back to 7th grade with the “slan books” and the cliques and wondering why I wasn’t invited to the big party. I couldn’t appreciate the occasional 10 (for some reason, I’m really popular with people in Canada and England, go figure) because I was freaking out over the 1’s. Did these people want me to quit blogging and go back to my knitting? (Just kidding, I don’t knit. I mostly just lay on the couch.) Then I realized they were just jerks trying to mess with people.

When you only have a few votes, a 1 can drop you down to an embarrassingly low rating. Now that I have over 40 votes one vote (good or bad) doesn’t affect me that much. So, here’s the plan. Vote at every blog site you visit. You have to stay there for 30 seconds anyway, use ½ of a second to cast a vote. I’m not saying you should give everyone a 10 or that you should not give anyone a 1. It’s your vote, use it as you like. Just vote. I think your rating will eventually average out to what you deserve.

I’ll probably get a couple of 10 votes as a result of this post for my brilliant deductive reasoning but I will also get the inevitable retaliatory 1’s to keep me in my place. That should keep me at a respectable 7 which feels about right.

Blog on, you crazy bastards, and vote. Power to the people and all that. Spread the word.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

My brother and his family came to town the week after Christmas so we celebrated Christmas and New Year's Eve on New Year's Eve night at my mom's house. Pictures follow...

*Pic* "Happy New Year!"