Thursday, January 11, 2007

Take Heed My Pretties

Here's an important piece of advice for you today. When you see someone, whether it be in the office, on the street or in a bar, and they look sad or unhappy or, in your uninformed opinion, too serious, do not say to them:


"Stop looking so serious!"

"Oh, it can't be that bad!"

Number one, yes, it can be that bad.

Number two, you have no idea why the person looks serious so, I repeat number one, yes, it can be that bad.

Number three, if the person felt like smiling, chances are, she'd be smiling already, you twit-wad.

It is okay to ask, "Are you okay?" If the answer is "Yes," take her word for it and walk away you ignorant dip-shit. If the answer is "No," you may then ask:

"Can I help?"

"Is it something I said (did, wrote, etc.)?"

Now, if the answer to either of the above is "NO!!", even though you know the answer is "Yes," just walk away. Dare I say, walk away quickly. If the person wants you to know why she is serious, not smiling and whether or not it is, in fact, "that bad," she will eventually get around to telling you, she will get over it or it was none of your business in the first place.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to walk up the hall and bitch-slap a co-worker.


Serena Joy said...

Rut-row. Did you drop her with that bitch-slap?:)

When somebody commands me to "Smile!" I'll snarl, "Give me a reason" and then grin like a lunatic. That scares them for some reason. They have a problem, don't they? LOL.

gnightgirl said...

Get 'er! Oooo, this was another good post. I just got a new laminator though I know not what to do with it. Until now. I'm going to print cards up with this post, and have them ready to hand out next time this happens. I love "twitwad."

Laurie said...

Serena Joy - OH! I love that. I hope she pops her silly head in here today. I'll be ready for her. Bwahahahahaha!

Gnight Girl - Twitwad, yeah, it just felt right.

LoryKC said...

Are you OK?

Laurie said...

Lori - Yes, you may take my word for that. :P

Leslie said...

I once almost killed someone for singing "Cause you had a bad day..." to me when I was having a bad day.

Sometimes people are stupid - like a box of hair.

Jen T. (that's me) said...

Oohhhh! I want to play! "Who Is Getting Bitch-slapped!?" Oh it's so fun thinking about who it could be. Even though I don't work there anymore, I still like to get mired down in the gossip.

(I'm about to e-mail you about this, you know.)

This word verification made me laugh inapproriately: ocoxgoj

pokerboss said...

Good advice that we all probably need to be reminded of from time to time. Else we might just get bitch-slapped. Thanks for the reminder. By the way, it wasn't anyone I'm married to, was it?

Laurie said...

Leslie - That's pretty stupid right there. Hahahaha! ...a box of hair...hahaha!

Jen - My word verifications have been funny lately, too.

Pokerboss - It absolutely was not your wife! It wasn't even anyone on her end of the hall.

Do heed the advice though because, although it was a woman in my case, I find men to be most guilty of these questions. I know they're just trying to be nice but there is really no nice way to respond when someone TELLS YOU how to feel.

La Sirena said...

ySometimes I think bitch-slapping should be legalized -- at least once in awhile.

Commanding me to smile is a pet peeve of mine, too.

I think gnightgirl should laminate posters.

Laurie said...

La Sirena - The irony is that I wasn't even feeling "serious" at all until she made the comment.

Sophmom said...

Golly, I was about to say I'm sorry you had a bad day. Guess I'd better steer clear of that one! Thanks for the excellent advice. I'm sorry that I missed the bitch slapping though.

Laurie said...

Sophmom - Hold on, I'll slap her again, but just for you.

Grimm said...

Yeah, I probably have a nice long post of the stupid things I have said.

Leslie's "So you had a bad day?" faux pax was me. I still have the welts from that one.

You probably should have said something like "I am about to feel alot better" before the bitch-slap.

Donna said...

Great advice, Laurie.

Laurie said...

Donna - Thanks! Nice to hear from you. I'll be popping over to check on your blog and I'll add you to my bloglines so I won't forget.