Why, you ask?

Because it's my blog.

Because I like Anthony Bourdain.

Because I love Anthony Bourdain.

Because I want somebody to tell me what kind of bone that is.

Because I like to make people say, "WTF?!"

More Weirdness: Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign

This morning I was reading a chapter in my Anthony Bourdain book entitled "Food and Loathing in Las Vegas." After I finished the chapter, I walked into my office/den/computer room and something was flashing on my desk.

"Odd," I thought.

I walked over to the desk and the Fabulous Las Vegas pin that Steve and Peg bought for me when they were in Las Vegas last year was blinking like crazy. In the six months that I've had the pin, it has never turned itself on.

I turned it off, went about my business, walked back in that room and the pin was on again. This time, I unscrewed the back and went to work.

My grandmother loved Las Vegas and I was fortunate enough to be with her on her last trip there. My uncle, her son, has been in ICU for the past week and is very ill. Is grandma trying to communicate with me or is it just a coincidence? Perhaps, it's just time for me to take a little trip out west.

Maybe, both.

(By the way, Mr. Bourdain highly recommends you try Bouchon at The Venetian and a few other fabulous restaurants at Bellagio and Wynn.)

Poor, poor, pitiful me

Let's recap, shall we:

1. My doctor called and said I'm about 2 years past due for my yearly checkup.
2. I have a tooth which is bothering me for attention, which I choose to ignore.
3. I took my car in for an oil change and told the mechanic to go ahead with the 30,000 mile recommended maintenance.
4. I still haven't replaced my glass storm door which came apart in my hands about 6 months ago.
5. I have a mouse in my house.

When I feel like the world is being unkind to me, I pay a little visit to a place I like to call Amazon.com. The above list is comprised of things which aren't tragic by any means, but they all cost me money. Ergo, I must spend a proportionally (about 10%) smaller amount on stuff, just because.

My shopping list last night:

• "The Book of Bunny Suicides" Andy Riley; Paperback; $8.00
• "The Nasty Bits: Collected Varietal Cuts, Usable Trim, Scraps, and Bones" Anthony Bourdain; Paperback; $10.17
• "A Charlie Brown Christmas: The Original Sound Track Recording Of The CBS Television Special" Vince Guaraldi Trio; Audio CD; $9.47
• "MTV Unplugged in New York" Nirvana; Audio CD; $8.99
• "Bullet In A Bible (CD/DVD, Jewel Case)" Green Day; DVD and Audio CD
• "Half the Perfect World" Madeleine Peyroux; Audio CD; $13.99
• "Possible Side Effects" Augusten Burroughs; Hardcover; $2.00

Just because: Lorna told me to buy Bunny Suicides, I lust for Anthony Bourdain, what's not to like about Charlie Brown and Christmas, Nirvana rocks my world, Green Day punks my world, Madeleine Peyroux is smoooooth and I've run across Augusten Burroughs mentions three times in the last four days...that's a sign.

Cheap Obscure Places to Eat in New York City

I was watching an episode of Anthony Bourdain's show (Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations) on the Travel Channel in which he went to Las Vegas and there was a guy on that episode named Michael Ruhlman. I became a regular reader of Michael Ruhlman's blog and, after Anthony Bourdain did a guest blog post there, I left a comment in response to a request for future ideas for Bourdain to post about.

My suggestion for a future blog post was for him to talk about "cheap and obscure" places for a little Texas girl (that would be me) to eat whenever she finally makes it to New York City (one of these days). A fellow commenter and regular reader of Ruhlman's blog responded to my comment with a fabulous list of places to try.

Thanks C. Greco! The information is terrific. Here you go everybody. Enjoy.

Street Food:

• Don't be scared to eat street food. "Halal" food is the Muslim form of kosher - supervised by an imam, killed to minimize suffering, and to strict hygenic standards.
• Hot dogs are in two forms - boiled (a/k/a, "dirty water dogs"), or grilled (my preference, but then again, I eat anything with a grill mark on it).
• And the best souvlaki guy (Greek) is at 55th and Lex, on the southeast corner, next to Starbucks.
• But you might come across the Carribean guys (goat roti, etc.), the Indian guys, the falafel/shish Arabic guys (see above), the fruit smoothy guys, etc., etc. So eat already.
• Bourdain's favorite dogs are at any of the Papaya King joints, which makes sense, because he lives in Manhattan. (Papaya King is an offshoot of Gray's Papaya - I think it was a brother-against-brother dog war, but can't recall, exactly. Either will do.)
• But since I'm married to a Brooklynite and live in Brooklyn (although I am Manhattan-born), I gotta go with Nathan's in Coney Island, if you have time to schlep out there.
• The best souvlaki guy? Lexington and 55th, right outside Starbucks.
• My advice is, if you can't get it in the Texas hinterlands - then eat it.

Pizza:

• The best, in my book, is the ultra-thin, crispy pies served at Grimaldi's, just a subway ride across the water from Manhattan to Brooklyn.
• (And Jacques Torres Chocolate is a block away.)
• In Manhattan, John's Original Brick Oven Pizza on Bleecker is my recommendation, but you have to order a whole pie.

Chinese:

• Chinese food is, by and large, cheaper than most cuisines in NYC.
• My recommendation is to head into Chinatown - right next to Little Italy, by the way. (Chunks of it, like Mott and Bayard, used to be Little Italy.)
• Golden Unicorn - hardcore authentic. Chicken feet are on the menu, but the menu is in English, so fear not. Cantonese.
• Wo Hop - a New York favorite for insomniacs, students and musicians for, oh man, at least 30 years that I know about. Cantonese.
• Big Wong's. Cantonese.
• X.O. - supercheap. Cantonese.
• Joe's Shanghai - Shanghainese. Cheap and good.
• Go-Go - dim sum. Cantonese. (But a lot of these other places serve dim sum, too.)
• Peking Duck House - Pekinese. Only if you must have Peking Duck. This is the duck Holy Grail.
• One of the best Chinese places in NYC is across the water in Queens (Flushing) - Sweet & Tasty - but unless you're in Queens (and no one is EVER in Queens, unless you live there or are going on the Flushing "food crawl"), stick with Chinatown.
• Plus, if you want to load up on hard-to-get Chinese ingredients, there are tons of markets for herbs, spices, dried shrimp, pastes, etc. Follow your nose.
• OH, ONE CHELSEA FAVORITE: Rickshaw Dumpling, on 23rd between 5th/6th. Sit down, take out - great dumplings, with a variety of build-your-own dumplings-in-broth bases, if you want. Every time I take a class at ICE (Institute of Culinary Education, across the street), they're my lunch guys.

Miscellaneous:

• A Salt and Battery - best fish n' chips in NYC. Authentic Brit "chippie" shop, heavily populated by homesick rugby players. (I was raised in Hong Kong and went to British schools - this is the most real you'll get outside of the British Isles).
• Daisy May's - voted NYC's best BBQ, second year in a row. They also have BBQ trucks in various places in the city if you can't get to the restaurant. Yes, I know you're from Texas and this sounds like sacrilege, but hey - we let you guys do Italian . . . and bagels.
• Dumpling Man - if you can't get down to Chinatown, this is your best bet for quick n' cheap dumplings.
• Noodle Bar - Pan-Asian. Big fun.
• Risotteria - for risotto lovers only. Fairly inexpensive Village hang-out.
• Basically, there is food on EVERY corner in NYC - either there are take out places (a lot have sit down, too), delis, soup/salad/sandwich joints, and the street food vendors. So if you are really on a tight budget, hit the trucks. They have everything from soup to smoothies to dogs to souvlaki to shish (kebab), to Indian, fruit salads, and even crepes (52nd, I believe, between 5th & 6th -outside of the Museum of Modern Art).
• If a place looks good, go in. Most of the el cheapo places have their prices posted, anyway.
• Momofuku's (not Momofuku Ssam's) - AMAZING Berkshire pork belly steam buns, and not viciously expensive. They do a lot of eclectic Asian dishes - ramen, soup bowls, small bites, etc. If you get there after 7, though, you'll have to stand and wait - no reservations, and no seats while you wait. Turnover is quick, though...
• ...and Veneiro's Pastry is right down the block and around the corner on 1st Avenue/11th Street).

Italian:

• Gnocco Cafe
• Malatesta Trattoria
• Villa Mosconi
• Little Italy can be very touristy - avoid Grotto Azzura - but for some really good "red sauce" places, there's Taomina and the legendary Umberto's Clam House. (Do NOT make any mob-related jokes in there. Seriously.)
• And if you are in Little Italy, Ferrara's for Italian gelato, pastries, etc. It is 125 years old and beyond legend - mythic, in fact. It's only rival is Veneiro's, which, if you wind up going to Momfuku's, is up the block and around the corner. Chocolate chocolate-covered cannolis, is all I have to say . . . (!)

More helpful info:

• New York City subway map: http://www.nycsubway.org/maps/route.html
• If you're coming into La Guardia and don't have tons of luggage, there is a shuttle bus service that's a lot cheaper than a cab. (JFK has the train-to-the plane.)
• Citysearch.com will give the address, cross street and map (plus subway stop) to any place you're curious about.
  

Last Adventure of 2006 and First Adventure of 2007

Last night, I decided to stay in and watch my favorite "feel good" movie, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and read my new Anthony Bourdain book. That didn't happen.

My sister Terry called me at around 7:00 p.m. to tell me they were headed downtown. I told her my plans and she called bullshit on them. I called bullshit on her and laid back on the couch. After about five minutes of couch laying, I began to rethink my evening. Terry called again from Crockett Street at about 9:00 p.m. and I pulled my lazy ass off the couch, threw on some warpaint and met her, Dan and Alpha at the Star Bar. (I also ran into my son's friend Ryan...Hi, Ryan!...who told me he reads this blog every day. That really made my night. Thanks, Ryan!)

At about 11:30 a.m. we went out to the street but it was too cold for me. I told them I was going into TEN and would find them later. They decided to go with me to TEN. There was a great five piece jazz group called Loco Motif. I can't find a website on them but I think they're out of Houston. I found myself a corner and told them I wasn't moving.

I also committed my first act of petty larceny of 2007 in TEN. I ordered a Pama and vodka which the bartender gave to me in a plastic glass and charged me $6.00. No problem because it was very heavy on the Skyy vodka. Later, the waitress charged me $8.25 for the exact same drink except that it was served in a martini glass. Since I felt $2.25 was a pretty hefty surcharge for the privilege of drinking out of a glass versus drinking out of a plastic cup, I stole a menu.

TEN gave everyone free champagne at midnight and, eventually, Terry and Dan left. So, I told Alpha I wanted to check out the new club she had been talking about called Nell's Place (they don't have a website either). The club is beautiful inside with a huge mural of New Orleans on the back wall and the music was fabulous blues, R&B and zydeco. Here are the specifics for Nell's:

Address:
500 Franklin at Park
Beaumont, TX 77701

Hours:
Tuesday - Friday Open at 5pm
Saturday - Open at 7pm
Happy Hour - Tuesday - Friday 5-7pm

Phone:
(409) 838-3839

How Not to Eat Pho

I went to a local Vietnamese restaurant alone yesterday evening. I had never eaten there before and, before I exposed other people to the restaurant, I wanted to try it myself. The restaurant is called Pho Four Seasons and is located on College Street here in Beaumont.

According to Southeast Texas Food and Restaurants , they have wonderful spring rolls. So, I ordered some spring rolls and a bowl of pho (pronounced “fuh?” as though it were a question). The spring rolls were probably the best I’ve ever eaten. The pho, however, should be served with an instruction manual. I’ve eaten at Vietnamese restaurants before but this was the first time I had ordered pho which seemed like the thing to do since the restaurant has pho in its name.

Before I went to the restaurant, I Googled pho to see exactly what pho is. After skimming several articles, I wrongly assumed that pho is simply a sort of noodle soup. This is partially true. It is a broth and it has noodles in it. I ordered the beef variety and I didn’t hate it but I didn’t love it either.

The waiter brought me a Jethro Bodine size bowl filled with broth, beef strips, meatballs, onions, cilantro (I think) and noodles. The pho broth was the color of old dishwater and the beef was an interesting variety of shades of gray. Along with this huge bowl, I was given a side plate with jalapenos, mint (still on a rather large branch), bean sprouts and limes. I was hesitant to add anything because I wanted to experience the pho on its own rather than a Laurie-ized/American-ized/Cajun-ized version.

Besides not knowing how to add my fixings to my pho, I had a coordination problem just trying to eat the stuff. The noodles are very long and all you’re given to work with is a deep Asian spoon and chopsticks. I am chopstick challenged so I fought with the spoon and the noodles and the beef valiantly consuming about one fourth of my pho before I got tired of fooling with it and gave it up for the night.

If I had done more research before going to the restaurant, I would have found out that you are supposed to eat the pho with two hands. With one hand, you scoop up broth and other goodies while picking up the noodles with the chopsticks and gracefully adding them to the broth and goodies on your spoon.

I also found out that I shouldn’t have been afraid that I would taint my pho by mixing in whatever ingredients I thought might be good. According to a couple of websites, pho is like a hamburger or a pizza or even a bowl of gumbo. You’re supposed to garnish it in whatever way you like including using hot sauce, soy sauce and/or hoisin sauce along with the things given to you on the side plate of goodies.

Now, I understand why Anthony Bourdain always has locals with him when he’s trying out a cuisine which is new to him or eating a still beating cobra heart or choking down a recently deceased tree frog. Some things should not be done alone.

Pho Four Seasons
3690 College Street
Beaumont, Texas
409-212-9755
Hours:
Closed Monday
Tuesday – Saturday (10:30 – 9:00)
Sunday (10:30 – 5:00)

Anthony Bourdain in Lebanon

Monday night's episode of No Reservations (Travel Channel - 9:00 CT) will be the episode he filmed in Lebanon.

In Laurie's Brain...Vacation Tips

Before I hit the road for a couple of days, below are a few vacation tips I made up for you.


You might want to cancel your reservations if...

…your children (especially the teenagers) are way too happy you’re leaving.

…two days before you leave, your beachfront hotel calls to give you a free upgrade if you promise you aren’t the evacuatin’ type.

…you just saw your hotel on the television program America’s Scariest Most Gruesomely Haunted Unexplained Hotels.

…you Google toxic dump and your destination city is the number one hit.

…your parents are way too happy you’re leaving.

…you have to cancel a semester of college and two surgeries to cover the cost.

…your reservation confirmation letter is handwritten…in crayon.

…your airline can’t afford security so they have a “Bring Your Own Weapon” policy.

…your boss is way too happy you’re leaving.

…Anthony Bourdain won’t even eat there.

…veteran embedded reporters are begging to tag along saying they’ll bring their own flak jackets.

Anthony Bourdain Out of Lebanon

Anthony Bourdain has left Lebanon and is reportedly in Cyprus now.

Anthony Bourdain, The Ramones, Lebanon

I'm sure you're wondering what all three of these things have in common. The answer is me. Cue the Twilight Zone music...again.

1. Several months ago I developed a renewed interest in the Ramones. I bought a couple of CD's, t-shirts, hat and a DVD about their history.
2. At around the same time, I started watching Anthony Bourdain's show on the Travel Channel which subsequently resulted in my latest celebrity crush.
3. I found out earlier this week that Anthony Bourdain is a huge Ramone's fan and I thought that was a strange coincidence that I would develop an interest in both at the same time.
4. Today, my friend and fellow blogger Mark who I met with last night and who is a photo journalist for the Beaumont Enterprise has a front page article regarding the situation in Lebanon.
5. Tonight, my friend and fellow blogger Danno, left me a comment that Anthony Bourdain is stranded in Lebanon.
6. I haven't connected the situation in Lebanon to the Ramones, yet, but I'm sure there's one there somewhere.

In Laurie's Brain - The List

I’m a list person. Here is my list of things to do before I quit drinking.

Note to my friends: Don’t panic. It won’t be any time soon.

Karaoke Bohemian Rhapsody
Stalk George Clooney
Flash ‘em for beads
Cotton-Eyed Joe as though I’m enjoying it
Stalk Johnny Depp
Mud wrestle…in public
Spontaneous 9:00 p.m. road trip to New Orleans
Play poker in Las Vegas
Get a lap dance
Shave my eyebrows
Shave someone else’s eyebrows
Stalk Anthony Bourdain
Grab a microphone in a grocery store and say “Cleanup on Aisle 13”
Make an indecent proposal…in public
Get married again

Score!

On my front porch when I got home this evening:

1. Autographed copy of Snake Farm (Ray Wylie Hubbard)
2. The Money Pit (Tom Hanks (1986)...broken down house...if you haven't seen this one, you should)
3. Mother Night (Kurt Vonnegut - the book, not the movie)
4. Anthony Bourdain's Les Halles Cookbook
   
   I love the internet.

I also love Ray Wylie Hubbard, Tom Hanks, Kurt Vonnegut and Anthony Bourdain. Do you see a pattern there? I evidently have a weakness for smart-ass men, especially smart smart-ass men. Who knew?