Monday, February 28, 2005
Sunday, February 27, 2005
I propose a law that all openings for anything liquid be on the bottom of aforementioned containers. Stop the balancing act, now! Power to the cheap!
When I got home, my sister, Terry, called and wanted me to go with her and Dan to Madison's to see the Fondue Monks. They are one of our favorite Houston bands. The bass player plays like our lives depend on it and the lead singer is hot, hot, hot. Oh, and he can sing, too. The lead guitarist and drummer also kick rock and roll ass. They play a lot of original music in a sort of jazzy/rock and roll vein and their best covers are of Jimi Hendrix and The Doors. This is the link to their fan club.
Lead singer, Denver, has auditioned for the reality show to find a new lead singer for INXS. I'll keep you posted if that goes anywhere. We took pictures last night which I will post later. Below are pictures from Antone's last year.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
- I can't pick men
- I can't pick the right line (grocery store, bank, anywhere...)
- I can't pick a slot machine
So, there isn't much hope but that doesn't stop me from flushing my money away. I also don't think this qualifies as breaking my giving up for lent thing because I'm pretty damn sure I won't benefit from this little excursion.
Hopefully, I'll at least get a good blog post out of it.
Friday, February 25, 2005
- I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
- I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
- I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
- I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
- I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
- I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
- I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
- I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
- I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
- I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
- It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
- My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
- My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
- My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
- My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
- My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
- My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
- On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
- The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
- This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
- We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
- What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
- When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
- When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
- With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
- Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Thursday, February 24, 2005
- Any shallow cut, whether made by paper or a sharp plastic edge, hurts more than a deep cut because the shallow one remains open. The body quickly seals a deeper cut with a blood clot. An open wound, no matter how small, hurts.
- Due to all the stuff in paper, some of it is left behind in the wound. The foreign matter (paper is made of wood mulch and a variety of chemicals) stimulates pain receptors in your finger, causing the stinging sensation and causing the cut to heal slowly.
- There may also be a psychological component. We don't expect paper to hurt us, and we get angry and upset when it does. Paper cuts come unexpectedly, when we are engaged in what we think is a low-risk activity, and we can get impatient with them when they heal slowly.
- (Added by Lorna) The paper wants to hurt us.
I think #4 makes the most sense.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
It was bound to happen. The worst part of it is that this morning I did not wake up to Layla or Dark Side of the Moon but to some idiot making stupid jokes and some other idiots laughing at the first idiot's stupid jokes. The idiots in question are Walton and Johnson, whoever the hell they are. Evidently, they're your typical syndicated morning zoo program who lost their Houston audience when K101 changed to a Mexican or Spanish format or some such drama and blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada...SHUT UP AND PLAY SOME DAMN MUSIC! Between 5:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m. today, I heard exactly three songs. That's mainly because I kept turning the radio in my office off and on hoping they'd be gone but, alas, they were still there.
Finally, at 10:00 a.m. they were finished with their little (and I mean very little) comedy crap and the rest of the day was just music. I guess they're going to gradually add more disc jockeys which makes me very sad. I knew it was too good to be true. I'm going into my bedroom now to reset my radio clock alarm back to the Spanish rock station. At least I can't understand their stupid jokes.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
The small copier isn't too far from my office and I'm getting way too much enjoyment out of listening to people cuss when they try to staple more than six pieces of paper together with the piece of crap stapler. Ah, cheap thrills, the best kind.