Wednesday, January 03, 2007

In Laurie's Brain - Horrifying Limericks

There once was a werewolf named Sydney
Who howled at the moon every Wednesday.
When asked, "Why not Monday?"
Or, "What about Sunday?"
He said, "Go away kid, you bug me."

If you ever see a mummy in France
Don't ask the mummy to dance.
He'll unwrap his face
While grabbing your waist
And the bastard doesn't wear pants.

If you live in a house that is haunted
With ghosts that nobody wanted,
It's best to save face
And just give them the place.
Why would you want to be taunted?

There once was a monster named Frankie
Who scared all the folks in the county.
He had bolts in his neck,
Was the color of Shrek
And he made grown men scream for Mommy.

I once knew a sucky old vampire
Who was also a big fat liar.
He said, "I won't bite you.
A nibble just might do."
And now I'm not seen in a mirror.

There once was a zombie named Fred
Who wasn't so bad for undead.
I took him aside
And gave him some pie
And the fucker ate a chunk of my head.

By Laurie Anderson


Anonymous said...

Odd. So very odd. . .

Peter said...

Just sit quietly for a while until it passes Laurie.

Jen T. (that's me) said...

Hahaha. The zombie one is best. But, I do have an unnatural fixation on zombies. Zombies and aliens.

Laurie said...

Popeye and Peter - That's what happens when you watch Wolf with Jack Nicholson right before you go to bed.

Jen - I love zombies myself. They have not a care in the world.

Anonymous said...

I'm lost for words.

Roxan said...

I could watch Return Of The Living Dead over and over.

Laurie said...

Anonymous - That's probably for the best.

Roxan - Zombies rule.

pokerboss said...

There once was a gal from Port Arthur

Who was fancied by some as an author

With a wee bit o’ grog

She would write on her blog

With more, she would not even bother.

Laurie said...

Pokerboss - A little grog might have helped.

Serena Joy said...

I love those! And not just because I AM a zombie today. I'm seriously considering running away with Syd the werewolf, while keeping Frankie on the side, because I have so freakin' had it with mummies.:)

cindybindy said...

hahahahaha. You are wasting your talent in the law and corporate world. You need a job where your oddness can be appreciated. You my friend are totally "out of your box." :)

Laurie said...

Serena Joy - Hahahaha! You made me feel better about my silly limericks. I was having doubts about them.

Cindy - I think I totally ruined the box, actually.

Zina said...

I'm glad you got stick with all the monster thoughts in the family.

But I am using this Blog in therapy to show what kind of family I come from.....

She's beginning to think I'm not the one who needs therapy.

Laurie said...

Zina - I wouldn't pay too much for your therapy. We'll undo all of it when you come home for Easter. :)

Grimm said...

(Searches the filing cabinet in the back of his head)

Where do you get these?

Man did I oversleep when they were handing out that talent? I want it!

Zina said...

Yeah, but my therapist gives me drugs. :) The legal kind!!

Laurie said...

Grimm - A talent? You are way too kind. It's more of a dementia.

Zina - We'll discuss your meds next time you're home.

Richard said...

Much nicer and cleaner than the limericks that stream through my head at the oddest moments.

Laurie said...

Richard - Nice?! Holy cow! You need to share some of your limericks with us then.

Zina said...

NO I like my drugs...they keep the voices in my head from taking over.

What? oh man they're back! Where are those pills???!!

Laurie said...

Zina - =:0