(SPACE LEFT BLANK FOR PICTURE OF ALASTAIR SIM, MY FAVORITE SCROOGE, BECAUSE BLOGGER WON'T UPLOAD MY PICTURE TONIGHT. BASTARDS.)
I started my Christmas shopping today and it was a schizophrenic day of Christmas spirit. I pretty much found everything I was looking for today at Target. I love Target. As I was leaving, the lines were ridiculously long.
"I can take you on Register 9," said the helpful young man.
"Score!" thought I.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
As I was slowly backing out of my parking place, after carefully looking both ways, I hit something. This was much more than a bah humbug moment. Since I couldn't see any cars behind me, I just knew I had hit a child. I don't drive an SUV but I've seen all of the investigative reports lately and I am justifiably terrified that I'm going to run over something important, be it man or beast.
However, keeping with the theme of the post,
I pulled back into my parking spot listening for horrifying screams and heard none. Preparing to exit my car to find out what the hell I hit, I looked in my rear-view mirror again and saw a dumbass pulling out of the space across the parking lot aisle from me. Obviously, this particular brand of dumbass hadn't looked to see that I was backing out BEFORE HIM (otherwise, I would have seen him when I started backing out), didn't realize (or didn't care) that he had hit me (okay, maybe we hit each other) and calmly drove away. I was so happy that I hadn't hit a living man nor beast, I drove away, too.
"Merry Christmas, everyone!"
I stopped at Hallmark to do a little more shopping before I headed home and found everything I was looking for that I had seen in the little catalog they had so graciously sent to my house. When I went to check out, one cashier was doing a gift wrap while the other cashier was "helping" a lady decipher the Dead Sea Scroll which was her layaway account. I stood there at least ten minutes. I didn't want to leave because I had pretty much cleaned out one little section of their store and I was afraid that if I came back later, they wouldn't have anymore of the treasures I just had to have.
When I finally did check out, I was told that, by using my Hallmark Gold Card, I had received an $8.00 credit. Oh, how I do love a bargain.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!!!!!"