Tuesday, October 10, 2006

What Women Really Talk About When Men Aren't Around


I had a Mary Kay party Saturday afternoon at which I served adult beverages. My last two guests left at 11:00 p.m. There was lots of intelligent conversation on world affairs and local and national politics. For example…

Lela: Did you see the most recent episode of Nip Tuck?
Laurie: No, I don’t watch that.
Bonnie: I don’t watch it either.

Lela: Well, Melissa Gilbert was on the last episode…
Laurie: Oh, God! I heard about that one.
Bonnie: What?! What?!

Lela: Melissa Gilbert goes into the doctor and her nipple has been bitten off.
Laurie: Yeah, that’s the episode.
Bonnie: What?! What?!

Lela: She tells the doctor that she brought her dog to the park and it got in a fight with another dog and she was wearing a low cut shirt and her boob fell out while she was trying to break up the fight and one of the dogs bit off her nipple.
Laurie: Yep.
Bonnie: No way!!

Lela: Then, her husband comes back from the war in Iraq and walks into the doctor’s office after the boob has been repaired and she tries to tell him her bullshit story…
Laurie: She was putting peanut butter on her nipples because she was “lonely” and the dog bit off her nipple.
Bonnie: AAAAAAAAAAgggggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Lela: Then, the husband has the dead dog in his duffle bag…
Laurie: I have to start watching that show…
Bonnie: Wait a minute. I thought Melissa Gilbert was married to Bruce Boxleitner.

Lela: That’s right.
Laurie: Yeah, she is.
Bonnie: But, you said her husband came home from Iraq. Why was Bruce Boxleitner in Iraq?

Lela: It’s not true! It’s a television show!
Laurie: No, no, no! This didn’t really happen…
Bonnie: Isn’t Nip Tuck the reality show about the plastic surgeon?

Lela: No!!!
Laurie: That’s Beverly Hills Doctor or Dr. 90210 or something like that.
Bonnie: Oh.

Pause…

Lela, Laurie, Bonnie: HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHHHHHHHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13 comments:

Larry Jones said...

I've heard some women say that all men are dogs, so you wanna, you know, be careful where you put the peanut butter.

Lorna said...

Is that boobed, waistless woman Melissa Gilbert? Mary Kay?

Laurie said...

Larry - I'll keep that in mind.

Lorna - That would be Melissa Gilbert, otherwise known as Half-Pint on Little House on the Prairie.

Popeye said...

I guess that, for a bra, she'd have to wear peanut butter cups.

Zina said...

That is a pretty good show. Strange things always happen on that show. The son tried to circumcise himself. Even for me, a female, that was hard to watch...and painful.

Laurie said...

Popeye - Oh, that was a good one!!

Laurie said...

Zina - Holy crap!!

TexasGal said...

Ok..I've never seen that show, but I have heard of. Could be interesting however they probably don't get it over here.

D. B. Cooper said...

Ain't nothin' better than a liquored up Mary Kay party!

Al said...

Damn little house on the prarie chick gotta rack - sorry was that out loud

Laurie said...

Texas Gal - My friend just told me about last night's episode! I have got to start watching.

D. B. - You said, it dude. Unless it's a liquored up Tupperware party.

Al - It's okay. Nobody heard you.

Rhonda said...

Ok, was it the booze, or is Bonnie a blonde?

Laurie said...

Rhonda - Bonnie is a redhead. It was the booze.