Friday, April 22, 2005

Friday Night Standup (Sort Of): Dan Quayle Quotes

  • If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
  • Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
  • Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
  • Mars is essentially in the same orbit . . . Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
  • What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.
  • The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
  • I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
  • One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is to be prepared.
  • Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
  • I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.
  • The future will be better tomorrow.
  • We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
  • People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
  • I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
  • We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.
  • I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
  • I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.
  • A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
  • When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.
  • Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.
  • We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
  • For NASA, space is still a high priority.
  • Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.
  • It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
  • [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.

8 comments:

sleepybomb said...

the scary part is that he was dead-pan serious as he stuttered these insanely funny comments. some of the silliest men in history were never this comical.
great giggles abound.

Donna said...

Ah yes. I remember these. And "tomatoe" too.

Dr. Sauce said...

I always look forward to these.

Lorna said...

what a great country you live in! I can't even look at that yellow page without getting the giggles.

Danno said...

I'm crying I'm laughing so hard...my favorite is the one about Phoenix! I almost forgot how friggin' stupid he was...almost.

Laurie said...

Sleepybomb - Poor Dan, you have to feel sorry for him.

Donna - Yeah, he had a million of 'em.

Dr. Sauce - I'm glad you like them. I have fun wandering the internet looking for funny stuff for Friday.

Lorna - Oh, yeah. It's great. What's sad is that we mistake being a bad public speaker for lack of intelligence which isn't (necessarily) true. I still laugh at the poor stumbling mush mouths though and I have no right to since I NEVER speak in front of crowds unless forced bodily.

Danno - Yeah, they cracked me up, too. I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Rob said...

That made my day. Literally. Thanks.

It's unfortunate that we attribute lack of verbal facility with stupidity, but Dan never demonstrated that he was bright--not stupid, just non-bright. Jacob Weisberg of Slate had a great article from early in the Bush administration on poor GW's abuse of the English language and what it indicated, and it wasn't what you'd expect.

Anonymous said...

"if there is oxygen, it means we can breathe"

LMAO!!!