I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!
I guess it was a mouse but it moved more smoothly than a mouse and, I swear, it was moving on the wall and not the floor. It was about three or four inches long and about two inches wide but shaped more like a flat, black pear.
TYPING THIS IS FREAKING ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I grabbed my flashlight and a broom and banged all of my furniture on that wall, but nothing moved. I don't know what I would have done if something had come out. My plan was to kind of shoo it out the door while screaming like a banshee.
Now, I have every light in the house on and, like a scared 2 year old. I won't go anywhere without my broom. What am I going to do?
I have to move.
Edited to add:
I called my exterminator this morning. (Yes, I have an exterminator. I don't have a doctor, but I do have an exterminator. Does that surprise you? It shouldn't.) They're coming to my house at noon tomorrow and it's only going to cost me an additional $45 above my regular quarterly debugging. Little do they know, I was prepared to pay four times that. Don't tell.