Sunday, January 06, 2008

I'm Confused

Confusion Part I
Why do some men (and the occasional waitress) walk up to a table with two or more women and ask, "Girls' night out?" Is it just something to say to start a conversation? Because, seriously guys, we don't take it as a compliment. It makes us feel like we look out of place or that we stand out from the crowd in some possibly unflattering way. Plus, we have no good answer to that question, because the first thing that pops into our heads is, "What the fuck do you mean by that?"

Confusion Part II
Tonight, a woman and two men walked into the bar. (That's not the beginning of a bad joke.) After a while, the woman sat at our table and whispered something to my friend who was sitting beside me. My friend leaned over to me and said, "She wants me to tell you that the guy who came in with her and her husband is single." I looked at my friend and said, "I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do with that information." Was I supposed to pop over there and introduce myself? Ask the guy to dance? Buy him a beer?

Any insight from you men out there reading this or support in my confusion from the women would be appreciated. Feel free to tell me I'm just a snotty bitch. At least I won't be confused by that.


Bill said...

Regarding "girs' night out" - that's just an update of "what's a nice girl like youdoing in a place like this?" Thanks for letting me know not to use that one anymore.


;) (Just kidding about teh bitch part.)

Jen T. (soon to be E.) said...

Men. Bah.

No advice, just a hearty agreement. :)

Laurie said...

Bill - Hahahaha! Thanks. Nobody's ever used the "nice girl" line on me before and I've been in LOTS of bars. I wonder what that means. :)

One time, at a Hells Bells show, a very drunk guy walked up to me, got right in my face and said, "You look like a lawyer." I didn't know what to say to that one either.

Jen - Thanks, sista. :)

Michael the Stalker said...

Men use the girls night out question as a way to find out if you have a husband/boyfriend without asking.

Sorry you didn't understand what I meant. I mean, that wasn't me. I wasn't there. Never mind.

Larry Jones said...

Maybe they're just making small talk. Or maybe you look like you're on the prowl. I prefer to think that people just want to talk to you. Don't hold it against them if they can't think of a better opener.

Laurie said...

Michael the Stalker - My confusion is lifting.

Larry - I guess the simplest answer is usually the correct answer. I'll stop wearing my Catwoman outfit and just conversate. :)

Leon J. de la Garza said...

i personally think small talk in any kind is lame.

which is probably why im not too good at social events, but hey, what the hell.. i really dont care anyway

i'm gonna agree with you on this one

Laurie said...

Leon - Thanks! Just smile and say hello. It's really that simple.

Inca From Peru said...

Was I supposed to pop over there and introduce myself? Ask the guy to dance? Buy him a beer?

You only do that stuff if it is me that just walked into the place.

Seriously (for just a minute), I think people are more socially awkward than they used to be. I don't know if it is because we watch television more and read less, or what, but conversational nuance is on the critical list. Anything one might say can and often will be taken in the wrong way. I will agree the "ladies night out" line is awfully lame, though.

Here's the thing to remember. All men, even the nicest, most considerate of us, are dogs when you get down to it. This probably isn't news to you, but that is the truth of it. Even if the guy had walked up and innocently asked you what time it was, I promise you deep down somewhere he had an ulterior motive. The only reason I can think of that some guys try clever, quote-unquote, lines is they think that even though you probably know what they are up to, maybe you'll reward 'em with a little something-something anyway, just for being creative. That is about as intellectual as we get about it, honestly.

Laurie, the poor guy, whoever he was, might have been perfectly innocent and chaste. . . hell, no way. Somehow or another, he was working on a plan to get a little "strange."

BTW, I am long happily married and don't go out prowling, but this sort of thing happens within a marriage, too. At least it does in mine. My wife laughs out loud at some of the stuff I try, but who cares as long as it works? Heh.

Laurie said...

Inca - I'm putting that comment on record as one of my best comments ever!

Leslie said...

I know what you mean about the "girls night out" thing. It's pretty lame.

As for the second part, my question would be, "Is he mute?" Seriously. Having the friend do the talking, it's so third grade.

Laurie said...

Leslie - The part I left out was that the Party of Three had been there and left and came back. I felt like I might have been the topic of conversation and the reason they came back. It was kind of creepy.

Inca From Peru said...

Well, back in my early twenties bachelor days, one night I was out clubbing, and ended up at Denim & Diamonds, for anyone old enough to remember that place. I was talking to some people while nursing a bourbon & water and half-watching a shuffleboard game when a really nice-looking girl I'd never seen before walked up to me and asked me if I was "with" anyone.

Now, I considered myself to be really suave and debonair back then, a real ladies man. I had the gift of starting conversations with strangers, and was always at ease with women, I don't know why (I grew up without sisters or any close girl cousins.) What I am saying is, I always did all right with girls, pretty much anyway. But this girl at D 'n' D was aggressive and direct. "Oh, you are alone? OK, then, let's go. Take me home with you."

I was stunned. For a moment or two, I honestly didn't know what to say. I remember briefly thinking, so this is what it is like to be on the other end of it. I don't remember what that girl's name was, or much else about her, but I still think of her often, and am thankful to her for giving me the insight that she did.

This sort of thing may be more common nowadays, I don't know. But it wasn't then. All I know is, after that night I was never quite as ruthless with the come-ons. I had gained some empathy for the hunted, the quarry, and that screwed me up for good.

Laurie said...

Inca - So, you met my sister?

Okay, I'm kidding about my sister, but I do remember Denim and Diamonds. I never hung out with girls who were that forward. They were scary.

Mikeyloo said...

Ye gods an little fishes, D & D, "Ah yes I rember it well" I haven't thought about that place in years. Anyway, if a guy has to have a girl tell a girl he's single I'd think he was a recent graduate of geek school.

Laurie said...

Mikeyloo - If we give him the benefit of the doubt, he might not have known she told my friend that. Maybe.