Thursday, January 03, 2008

In Laurie's Brain - Things my guardian angel won't let me do

  • At work, I want to start running and jump over that unattended briefcase like O. J. Simpson in the airport in that old rental car commercial.

  • I want to put apples in with the onions and lemons amongst the cabbage at Kroger.

  • I want to do cartwheels through the lobby at Tinseltown.

  • Sometimes I have an uncontrollable urge to throw whatever I’m drinking against the nearest wall, preferably about 1/16 of an inch from somebody’s head.

  • I want to stand up in church during a dramatic pause in the priest’s sermon and scream, “Okay, that’s it. I’m out of here! ”

  • I want to look at my food, burst into tears and cry, “Oh, God, no! It’s…it’s…CHEESE!!!!!!!!!” and run out of Taco Bell.

  • I want to stand at a busy intersection with a sign that reads, “I don’t need anything. Thanks, anyway.”

  • I want to get on an elevator, push all the buttons and stand perfectly still with my back to the door, staring at the back of the elevator and not turn around or get off no matter what.

  • I want to walk up to random people in the mall and say, “Eric Stratton, rush chairman, damn glad to meet you.”


George said...

I LOVE ANIMAL HOUSE!!! It's my favorite jump-out-of-the-doldrums movie . . . and like you, it's always provides me with just the right thing to say, whether it's greeting strangers or expressing disagreement in meetings (blcoughjocoughcoughcoughb).

Unfortunately, we've just dated ourselves and most of your commenters are thinking, 'Why don't those old people just stay off the road?'

'Do yoah mind ef we dahnce with yo dates?'


You can do a cartwheel?

George said...

P.S. An All Users e-mail at our office last month said that whoever swiped the mailroom clerk's cart, put it on the elevator and randomly pushed buttons to send it on its way should stop.

Wish I would've thought of it . . . dang guardian angels!

Laurie said...

George - No, I can't do a cartwheel. Never could. I want to though. :)

George (part 2) - Hahahaha!!! I once saw a cleaning cart on an elevator without any people. I think I blogged it.

Peter said...

Hi Laurie, I always enjoy a visit "In Laurie's brain" its always funny and there is a feeling of empty space to romp around in.

Dick said...

It's better that you do the old 'O.J. run and jump' at work than at the airport. These days you'd get, at the very least, strip searched. And you might very well get zapped with a Taser or something equally or even more lethal. Personally, I'd like to do the 'Singing in the Rain' dance routine were it not for the problem that I sing like a strangled frog and dance like some concrete-laden mob figure sinking rapidly into the Hudson River. Otherwise "oertyajc"

Inca From Peru said...

I think the Hertz/O.J. commercial dates one more than Animal House, even. I love the movie, though. I recall seeing it at the Parkdale Cinema when it came out; I was a freshman at L.U. and a couple of guys sitting in front of my buddy and I kept commenting throughout the movie. . . "Our fraternity is just like the Deltas!". . . "We have a guy just like Bluto". . . "I made it with my math teacher's wife in high school, she looked a lot like Dean Wormer's wife". . . It was all I could do not to whack the crap out of both of them, right there in the theater. I think they were Pikes.

Tim Matheson ("Otter") just turned 60, I believe. Wow. A lot of people don't know this, but he was also the voice of the original Johnny Quest, the one that was made c. 1965. That's a great career, right there.

Laurie said...

Peter - Thanks! Wait a minute...

Dick - Thanks for the tip! Oertyajc to you, too!

Inca - I remember the Pikes! I bet George does, too. They were legend. I think my brother was one of those assholes. :)

Jen T. (soon to be E.) said...

Words can't express how much I love you. Hahaha. We are kindred spirits, indeed.

My guardian angel must have a twisted sense of humor, because she doesn't stop me from doing that stuff. :)

Laurie said...

Jen - Look out wedding weekend!!

Leslie said...

I think you should slip your guardian angel a mickey and then do these things. Take your video camera.

Laurie said...

Leslie - Hahaha! I'll think about that.