Thursday, May 19, 2005

REDRUM

Today, I was driving home from a long, crazy day at work, contemplating murder. I watch all of those murder stories on Court TV and you’d be amazed at how cheap it is to hire someone to kill someone. I saw a show the other day with a guy on it who hired a guy to kill his ex-wife for $5,000. I remember thinking, “Is that all it costs? I can come up with $5,000.” It sort of scared me that I thought that but, it was good information to have. Just in case.

The person I wanted to murder today was a total stranger. I was stopped at a stop sign when a guy in a huge-ass truck, talking on his cell phone, nearly took off the whole left side of my poor little Toyota as he turned the corner. As he passed me, within inches of my driver’s side door, he looked down at me, looked straight into my eyes...and smiled. He actually looked down upon me from above and smiled. I wanted to kill him. I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want him to get a ticket. I-wan-ted-to-kill-him! I could come up with $5,000.

7 comments:

Jen T. (that's me) said...

I'll make a donation to the cause.

Fav File Clerk said...

I could make a call to Crazy Stacy. She may night kill him, but she could always smash a few pumpkins and throw a few eggs. I hear she's good at that or something.

OldRoses said...

I would have at least flipped him the bird. Sometimes, I also suggest they get a REAL car. That's about as violent as I get.

Rik said...

You would never survive in Italy.

Jen T. (that's me) said...

i could do it. four semesters of college italian, thanks. :) i could at least get myself around.

buon giorno, signori. come state oggi? sono bene! :)

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I would have been a character witness in your defense if you would have murdered him.

Laurie said...

Jen T. - Leave the money in my desk in the envelope with the big red X on it.

Fav File Clerk - Not nearly violent enough. Thanks for the offer though.

Old Roses - I'm scared to flip the bird although I do it secretly so they can't see me. I think that counts.

Rik - I think I would just walk in Italy.

Jen - Lasagne, Fettucini, Parmasan

Old Blue - I'll definitely keep that in mind.