Monday, May 02, 2005

The Perfect Job

My work life seems to be on a six year rotation. That isn't by choice. It just seems to be some sort of life pattern I was born with.

  • 1974 - 1980: Receptionist/insurance clerk for ophthalmologist office
  • 1980 - 1986: Stayed home with my son 3 years then went to 3 years of paralegal school while working as ophthalmic assistant
  • 1986 - 1992: Paralegal/Legal Secretary
  • 1992 - 1999: Law office manager (I know that's 7 years but I stayed one year too long. If I would have left at 6 years, I would have saved myself a lot of misery.)
  • 2000 - 2005: Paralegal/Docket Clerk

As you can see, it's time for me to start thinking about my next career. I love my current job but if the universe has different ideas for me, who am I to argue? On my way home from work today, I heard about the perfect job.

The City of Beaumont has hired two people to maintain all of the street signs in the city. From what I gathered, these people will drive around the city repairing and replacing worn out street signs. This appeals to me for several reasons:

  • I would be my own boss, just driving around town looking for crappy street signs.
  • I would be outside all day. I realize that some days would be too hot and some days would be too cold but, if I'm out and about on my own, nobody is going to know if I slip back to my vehicle to cool off/warm up.
  • The work doesn't sound like it involves climbing anything.
  • There would be no stress. Surely, no one knows where the crappy signs are or how many crappy signs are out there so there wouldn't be any deadlines to get them all fixed because that would be impossible.
  • I would have job security as long as little bastards own pellet guns and baseball bats for vandalizing signs and screwdrivers for stealing signs with their girlfriend's names on them.
  • I could eat lunch wherever and whenever I want every day because I would be sure to fix a sign near my restaurant of choice for the day.
  • There are ten Sonic's in this town so I would always be near a Strawberry Limeade or a Cherry Dr. Pepper.

Hey, at least I have a plan.


Larry Jones said...

You're easy to please, but you have forgotten something: Beaumont citizens with nothing better to do would call the city when they spotted a crappy street sign. Then you would be dispatched to fix it, and you'd be expected to report back how it went. You might have to requisition some materials, and if you didn't, that would arouse suspicion. If you stopped in for a Cherry Dr. Pepper, the complaining bastard who called in the first place would call again and say the sign still looked crappy. What has Laurie been doing?
Don't jump too hastily.

parated2k said...

There are few jobs better than those where you don't care too much about traffic because, well, you're already at work!!!

When I was a paramedic, we used to laugh at all the suckers, caught in traffic, trying to get to work on time. (((Of course, they were the same suckers we'd get mad at during "lights and sirens" runs, because they were too stupid to get out of the way!))) So I guess all jobs have trade offs, even those where you get to work the streets! ;~D

Whatever you decide, good luck with the next 6 years!!

Vettacini Sheppard said...

I think there would be several people at this office that would kick your ass if you did that.


Jen said...

I'll take any job. After only a few hours of daytime television programming (or lack thereof) I'm wishing I had gone into work, sick or not. Damn this virus.

Ooh, gotta go... It's almost time for the Showcase Showdown.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

That would be so much fun. You could switch all the signs, turn Walnut Street into Elm Street, for instance, or First Avenue into 36th Street. Drive everybody crazy. That's what we live for, isn't it?

Jodie said...

Any job that allows you to visit Sonic often is the perfect job. My daughter moved to San Diego in October, and she tells me that Sonic is what she misses most!

Sylvana said...

Oh yeah, that sounds like a sweet deal. Just think- you won't have any work to bring home!

Laurie said...

Larry - I've worked in law offices for almost 20 years. It would be a piece of cake.

Parated2k - I hadn't even thought of the traffic issues. It gets better and better.

DB - Are you trying to kill my mid-morning buzz?

Jen - Let me know what happens on As the World Turns.

Old Horsetail - How could you possibly know me so well?

Jodie - This past weekend, I had family in town from Massachusetts and one of the first things they wanted to do was eat at Sonic.

Sylvana - Holy crap! I hadn't even thought of that. That's it. I'm outta here. (Just kidding boss.)