- Never yawn as you walk into a public restroom.
Today, I made the mistake of absentmindedly yawning as I walked into the restroom at the office. Big mistake. I know you men probably think that ladies' restrooms are all roses and lilacs and softly scented lotions and creams. I'm here to tell you, it ain't.
I stopped mid-yawn but had already inhaled a huge mouthful of fonk (fonk is like funk only worse). I was considering spraying my throat with one of the fifteen cans of Lysol in there but thought better of it.
The reason there is so much Lysol around is that, a few weeks ago, we had some sort of weird epidemic at the office. Fortunately for the firm, it hit all of us over the weekend. We didn't know until we got to work on Monday that twelve of us had come down with some sort of stomach virus over the weekend. They scoured the kitchen, put anti-bacterial gel dispensers all over the office and, literally, six cans of Lysol in each of the restrooms.
You would think that stink-butt would have sprayed a little before she high-tailed it out of there.