Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The Best Advice You'll Get Today

As a public service, I am giving you the following advice absolutely free:
  • Never yawn as you walk into a public restroom.

Today, I made the mistake of absentmindedly yawning as I walked into the restroom at the office. Big mistake. I know you men probably think that ladies' restrooms are all roses and lilacs and softly scented lotions and creams. I'm here to tell you, it ain't.

I stopped mid-yawn but had already inhaled a huge mouthful of fonk (fonk is like funk only worse). I was considering spraying my throat with one of the fifteen cans of Lysol in there but thought better of it.

The reason there is so much Lysol around is that, a few weeks ago, we had some sort of weird epidemic at the office. Fortunately for the firm, it hit all of us over the weekend. We didn't know until we got to work on Monday that twelve of us had come down with some sort of stomach virus over the weekend. They scoured the kitchen, put anti-bacterial gel dispensers all over the office and, literally, six cans of Lysol in each of the restrooms.

You would think that stink-butt would have sprayed a little before she high-tailed it out of there.


Jen said...

That bathroom is always pretty nasty, though. I freak even the germiest (is that a word???) of guys out when I tell them about some of the horrific things I've seen and smelled in that bathroom.

PATCAM2005 said...

Too Hilarious!

Stinky Restrooms are just uncalled for. Funny post though...

Anonymous said...

Someone releases some serious toxins in that restroom daily. I think the secret stinker-upper needs to go visit a doctor and make sure a creature hasn't crawled up there and died. Even lysol can't cover up that stank!
- your fav file clerk

Abby Taylor said...

My poop never stinks.

Rik said...

Reminds me of the fart game that Eddie Murphy used to play with his brother:

"That was a good one, my mouth was open!"


Vettacini Sheppard said...

It's pretty bad when you open the door and your body gets thrown back into the wall like a freight train just hit you.

frankthebunny said...

It bothers we guys too..we don't all judge our masculinity by how bad of a stench we leave behind. I always spray after and I can't stand the fools that think they don't need to.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Do you always piss on people who are trying to share with you?

Laurie said...

Jen, anonymous and DB - One day, when we're all working in different places, we'll look back on these days and laugh, I mean gag.

Pat - And we have the stinkiest!

Abby - Good for you, a pristine crapper.

Rik - Eddie Murphy's stand-up was hilarious.

Dave - Glad to hear you're a girly-man who sprays.

Old Horsetail - Are you saying I should be happy she shared her odors with us? I hadn't thought of that.