Sunday, May 08, 2005

Kiss my...

Bonnie, mom and I went out to lunch yesterday to a great little cafe in Old Town before doing our Mother's Day shopping. (Terry stayed home with a sore shoulder to rest up for the big day.) The lunch was delicious but, for reasons that will become obvious, I promised the waitress I wouldn't name the restaurant.

Our poor waitress was the only waitress there and she was waiting on us and four other tables in one dining room and a party of about forty in the other dining room. She kept apologizing to us and we kept telling her not to worry about it because we weren't in a hurry and it was a beautiful day and, in so many words, we basically didn't give a sh**.

Eventually, we were the only people in the little dining room and the waitress said, "Did you tike the lea?" instead of "Did you like the tea?" (It was raspberry and really good, as was the bread pudding, but I digress.) I said, "I've been doing that all day. I asked mom and Bonnie if they wanted to come to the Ted Romato today instead of the Red Tomato." (That's not the real name of the restaurant, by the way, but, if you know Beaumont restaurants, I probably just gave it away.)

The waitress said, "I have to tell y'all a story. I have a roommate who has small children and I'm not used to watching my language. One day, I told a friend of ours to 'kiss my ass' but realized that I couldn't say that around the kids. So, I regressed forward (brief interruption: she really said regressed forward which I thought was hilarious by itself) and tried to decide what I would tell him the next time he pissed me off. I decided I would tell him to 'kiss my tush' or 'kiss my butt.' However, the next time he made me mad, I instead said, 'Kiss my bush.'"

She didn't mention whether or not she's still allowed to speak around the kids.

14 comments:

Dawn said...

Happy Mothers Day!

OldRoses said...

When my daughter was little I used to say "tough tunafish" instead of tough sh**. As we all know, kids repeat stuff. When she said it, it came out "tuff toofish". Used to crack me up something fierce.

Lorna said...

As usual, LOL! Happy Mother's Day too.

BTW, I always just let it all out, but I didn't learn to say "damn" until I was 22, and I was 42 before I ever said "Fuck" out loud, and that was because I got so used to hearing my kids say it. I'm probably not much of a risk around the youngsters.

Deek Deekster said...

my 93 year old granma managed to spell FART only on her deathbed

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Yes, I knew a smart feller once.

QC said...

Why on earth didn't she want you to tell the name of the restaurant?! If I lived near there, I'd want to go there this evening...and I'd be asking for her section!

Michelle said...

Years ago, when I first moved to Orlando, I went from managing hard rock bands to working for Disney. Talk about learning to mind your words in a hurry. LOL

Jack said...

Hmmm.... An Old Town cafe and a waitress who says "kiss my bush"? If there's anything in a name, I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess you dined at Easy's.

Laurie said...

Dawn - Happy Mother's Day to you, too!

Old Roses - I remember my sister, brother and I(my brother especially) asking our mom if we could cuss whenever we hurt ourselves. There was a limited list of words we could use (heck, darn) but it seemed to help the pain.

Lorna - My mother would have NEVER said the word fuck if she hadn't gotten so used to hearing it from us and she still very rarely says it and, when she does, it comes out more like fudge than fuck.

Deek - Seriously? That sounds like a good blog post to me. Perhaps your next month's theme can be something about cursing through the ages.

Old Horsetail - Only one?

QC - Actually, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't care. She was funny.

Michelle - Man! That must have been culture shock of biblical proportions.

Wang Chi - Nope. Guess again. Mmmmm, Easy's makes me think of Pink Diamond Martinis. Now I'm thirsty.

Laurie said...

Wang Chi - I just re-read your comment in the e-mail Blogger sends when someone comments. "If there's anything in a name...." I get it. I'm a little slow tonight. I just saw Robert Plant on Letterman and he looks like Gene Wilder. I'm depressed.

Jack said...

"Wang Chi - Nope. Guess again. Mmmmm, Easy's makes me think of Pink Diamond Martinis. Now I'm thirsty."

I guess that leaves The Green Beanery, Brad's Place, Bryan's and Carlos'. Unless there's someplace in old Town that i've missed and you'd like to recommend.

For Mother's Day lunch, and someplace you could call a "cafe" with a waitress (and only one waitress), I guess I'd have to go with the Beanery.

but I really wanted it to be Easy's.

Laurie said...

Wang Chi - Good work Scooby. It was indeed the Green Beanery and I highly recommend the quiche and the bread pudding. Mom had the salmon and Bonnie had the sampler plate. The raspberry tea was quite refreshing and the chicken soup was incredibly savory. The service was impeccable as well as entertaining. (There, that should be enough of a commercial to not get the chick fired.) :)

Comfort Addict said...

Maybe she really meant "kiss my Bush" (that being synonymous with the other thing).

Laurie said...

Comfort Addict - I'm not sure if that means you like Bush or not.