Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Killing Me Softly

I noticed on my toothpaste tube that there is an advisory (not a warning) that says don't swallow. Don't swallow the toothpaste. I find that disturbing.

I am also undoubtedly getting radiated by my cell phone and by convenience store microwave ovens. I cook with Teflon pans and I reheat food in Styrofoam containers.

I don't even want to think about all the gas fumes I've inhaled in my gas tank filling years and all the saccharin and red dye number 2 I've consumed in my iced tea and cake frosting consuming years.

Need I mention the second hand smoke I've inhaled in countless bars and restaurants and from relatives cigarettes? I used to love to sit on the floor at my grandparents' feet and watch the smoke curl from their cigarettes.

I had no idea I was flirting with death on a daily basis. Come on bird flu. Give me your best shot.

14 comments:

Susan in St. Paul said...

That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger?

Hale McKay said...

Dropped in via your comment over at Hoss' place.
...Isn't it sad that not even what's good for you isn't good for you? Excuse me ... just took a deep snort from the bottle of white out! They say you can use this stufff to make typing corrections ... all it did was mess up my screen.
...Great post.

Marinade Dave said...

I hate to scare you, but can you imagine after all these years how many pounds of 1/10 of one percent of sodium benzoate to preserve freshness you've ingested?

Oh well, have a glass of wine to help forget about it. Enjoy those sulphites.

Peter said...

There's just no escape from all the poisons Laurie, survive as long as we can seems to be the option.

Peggy said...

It's OK, honey. A margarita and a hat made of tinfoil will take all the bad stuff away.

Ed Abbey said...

It's a wonder we aren't all dead instead of living longer.

Laurie said...

Susan - Yeah, (cough) that's what I (cough) was thinking (hack, wheeze).

Hale - Welcome to the nut house! I used to love to sniff white out...and mimeo paper.

Dave - Alcohol is probably the only thing killing the bad stuff. Ergo...

Peter - We've made it this far, we just as soon keep going, right?

Peggy - Oh, my tinfoil hat! Where did I put that thing?

Ed - It's the margaritas.

*My password verification is pdudd. I think that shall be my new rap name: P. Duddy. I like it.

Anonymous said...

The wine / margarita / sugar baby. . .is the cure-all. It is very important to keep your alcohol level up at all times. When mine drops dangerously low, I get sick. xoxo Poodles

Renee said...

Okay, you've officially depressed me.

Sophmom said...

Let's see... no more toothpaste as a condiment and all the alcohol I can drink? I think I can handle that. Thanks so much for the heads up, p.duddy!

Neal said...

I thought about how all of the stuff that's supposed to be good for you can kill you in excess (you can die from drinking too much water), and I came to the conclusion that life causes cancer. You might as well do the things you enjoy if everything is bad for you anyway.

Laurie said...

Poodles - So you concur with my theory.

Renee - Oh, don't be depressed! I take it all back. Feel better?

Sophmom - Just keepin' it real homey.

Neal - I like the way you think.

Anonymous said...

How about lead and asbestos?

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Laurie said...

Anonymous - My tinfoil hat protects me from that stuff.