Friday, January 27, 2006

Baiting God


In my never ending search for a lovah-man, I have decided to try to create some good-bad karma by complaining incessantly about the allegedly wonderful men currently in my friends' lives in the hopes that God will say, "Fine, Laurie. Let's see how you act with a wonderful, romantic, loving man of your own. Let's just see how you like that!"

So, off we go...

Men are dirty, good-for-nothing, rotten bastards. They can't be trusted. Sure they're all nice and sweet at first but just wait a while. He put rose petals in your bath water you say? Hasn't he ever heard of spider mites?! Aphids?! Sawflies?! Let's see if one dose of Diflucan can clear THAT up. Yeah, that's right. I said it. I bet he's married. Yeah, lousy lying skunk rat. He has a great job, my big white ass. It's all lies. Lies I tell you.

How was that?


11 comments:

Popeye said...

I just saw the headline "Documents Show Army Seized Wives As Tactic" and I haven't read the article yet but I am wondering if this was considered a good tactic or a bad one. . .

jafer said...

Ahhh, men.

AMLICAR said...

Always believe that we are who we are because , women are so sweet and wonderful .....get used to it ...take us as we are . God will love you for it ... Hey, he is a man. He knows we can't live without you, and her and her and....`

LOVE YOU STILL, big white Ass and all ..... :)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Uh, are you okay?

Laurie said...

Popeye - I would say that it could go either way. Man, there's a novel or short story in that headline just waiting to be written.

Jafer - Ahhhhh, yes.

Amlicar - I would have to agree that most of the naughty men became that way because of naughty women. Naughty begets naughty.

Old Horsetail - To quote Foghorn Leghorn, "It's a joke, son."

However, I'm pretty sure God will be sending me a lovah-man any day now. I'll even take him COD.

Sophmom said...

They make great friends, but that's about all, as far as I can tell.

Lorna said...

EEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!!! Did you notice that I wrote about the two dogs sharing the spaghetti wth the cheezy accordion music in the background? this is definitely weird brain fusion.

Vettacini Sheppard said...

Mr. Rose Petals is sitting here right next to me (along with his ex-wife) and we are laughing our asses off. Just kidding about the ex-wife, she's not here. But there is a strange woman on my balcony. We picked her up at Cactus Canyon looking for you when we went to the back room attempting to see Chris Leblanc. Is that his name? By the way, Leon Russell will be there March 9th. Let's all make a date.
Vettacini...

Laurie said...

Sophmom - I hear you, sista!

Lorna - I did see that but I didn't make the connection. Weird!

Davie - We didn't get there until about midnight.

Tim said...

I totally agree. Men are pigs. Total pigs. Don't believe a word they say.

Tim

Laurie said...

Tim - I wish I could believe you.