Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Weird Thought for the Day

As I was showering the other morning (all of my best ideas and strangest thoughts occur in the shower), I thought about how paralyzed with indecision I would be if I suddenly woke up in someone else’s body. We take for granted all of the little idiosyncrasies we have pertaining to the physical and emotional upkeep of ourselves.

Emotionally speaking, for the most part, most of us generally know how to talk ourselves back off the ledge when we’re teetering on dangerous ground. However, what if you were forced to use someone else’s brain encumbered by a lifetime of their emotions and experiences both good and bad? Trying to harness someone else’s feelings would be difficult but, on a practical level, what about the physical stuff? What if I woke up and I was suddenly a man? I wouldn’t know where to begin to deal with all of that…stuff…down there.

So, those are the two biggies: other people’s emotions and genitals of the opposite sex. But, what about the practical stuff? You might have to put yourself on a whole new toenail clipping regimen. You wouldn’t even know which foods you like or dislike until you tried to eat a rutabaga and puked on someone’s shoes. You might not know you were allergic to peanuts until you woke up standing at the Pearly Gates asking St. Peter what the hell happened.

How does this new body react to caffeine? Alcohol? From years of experience, I know exactly how much I can drink in what timeframe after eating how much food. It’s a delicate balance involving equations and logarithms and the metric system. I don’t always follow my own carefully set guidelines but I know precisely what the consequences will be if I don’t. What if I woke up in the body of a lightweight that got smashed after one glass of wine? Sure, I’d save a lot of money but I’d also miss a lot of encores and late night breakfasts.

What about shampoo? Do I need a conditioner? Do I have dandruff? Which toothpaste and deodorant works best on my particular dental work and pits? Do I need the extra soft Charmin or is my bum just as happy with the bargain stuff?

I spend a lot of time in the shower.

16 comments:

Allen said...

I spend a lot of time in the shower.

So much so that I think your thinking has become waterloggged. ::grin::

thenewmrsf said...

Remember that segment that used to come on during Saturday Night Live? Deep Thoughts with so-n-so? I believe the SNL folks should contact you immediately & get you to take over...I find your stream of conciousness fascinating! :)

Inca From Peru said...

Very interesting. You know, revealing your innermost shower-thoughts to someone is sort of like detailing your dreams -- if you're (un)lucky enough, the person you confide in will think they have some knowledge of psychology and analyze it all for you, informing you that you have issues with your father, and an unnatural aversion to members of the cabbage family.

You don't have to worry about me. During the course on Freud, I only perked up when the really juicy sexual parts were discussed; and I believe I slept through the entire semester covering Jung and Eric Erickson.

Also, I could wake up tomorrow as a paramecium, and I would still know I hated rutabagas.

TexasGal said...

so many things going through my mind right now! LOL!

Peter said...

Laurie, as a member of the female gender one of your worries is unfounded, that of what to do with all that stuff... down there, it is well known that this is the area where we males do all our best thinking, so just be nice give "IT" a friendly pat or two... (that's enough... don't want "IT" gettin' any ideas) and everything will work out just fine.
Stuffed if I know about the shampoo 'n toilet paper though.

Miss Cellania said...

I think you just may spend too much time in the shower. Now I'm gonna obsess on my body rhythms.

Laurie said...

Allen - I do feel a bit sloshy.

Mrs. F - Deep Thoughts was hilarious. I'm flattered. :)

Inca - Perhaps it's an aversion to Freud and issues with Erickson.

Texas Gal - Enjoy! :)

Peter - Hahahaha! Just give "IT" a lot of attention. Man, I should have known that one.

Miss Cellania - I love it when I make people obsess.

Serena Joy said...

I wouldn't worry about too much shower time. If you ask me, water somehow stimulates deep thought. I know I do my best thinking in the bathtub. Of course, I can't remember crap any unless I jot it down. That doesn't work real well in the bathtub. Anyhow, you provided a lot of food for thought here.

Laurie said...

Serena Joy - I wonder if I could invent some sort of writing pen a person could use to write on the shower wall that wouldn't wash away until you wanted to erase it. Hmmmmmm.....

Jen T. (that's me) said...

I shouldn't have read this - something strange and oddly thought-provoking - before I had my Cheerios.

In case you ever wake up in my body, you'll know that. BTW, I prefer the Apple Cinnamon variety.

La Sirena said...

What a funky thought.

In a strange way body swapping could be an exciting adventure for a week or so...like a vacation.

You could market this concept to the Fox Network as the logical conclusion to "Wife Swap".

What will you call it?

Laurie said...

Jen - More importantly, if I ever wake up in your body, what does Brian like. ;)

La Sirena - How about, "Take Me, I'm Yours"?

LG said...

Silly, you DID wake up in someone else's body...

Laurie said...

LG - Hmmmmm...you mean being birthed?

pokerboss said...

One - Everybody hates rutabagas. Two - If you suddenly wake up a man, remember the phrase "bad monkey." Caffeine? Alcohol? Universal! The rest of it? Not important. Use Secret, use Right Guard; nobody cares. Just use one or the other.

Laurie said...

Pokerboss - Thanks for the tips!