Monday, November 07, 2005

Today's Science Experiment

Theory:
People will eat anything placed on a community table in an office break room.

Materials Needed:
Office kitchen, office workers, food (any kind: leftover baby shower cake, Halloween candy, cookies, ramen noodles, plain old saltine crackers, white bread, graham crackers)

Procedure:
Place food on table in break room. Walk away.

Optional:
Leave a note which reads Help Yourself. This step is absolutely not necessary.

Time Lapsed:
The time lapsed between subject's awareness of food (either by e-mail or by word of mouth spread by the official office food alert person) and the complete consumption of said food is directly proportional to either (1) chocolate content of the food or (2) whether the food appears to actually have been cooked by a real person in their own personal kitchen. The identity of the person (co-worker, somebody's mother, total stranger) who possibly actually cooked the food is unimportant. If the food appears to be homemade, it will be eaten...fast.

Conclusion:
Human office worker type people are much like rodents and could easily be caught like rats in traps. They will eat anything and everything left in a break room whether they know who left it or not. Ergo, it is not necessary to knock yourself out for the annual Thanksgiving/Boss' Day/Christmas covered dish dinner. These people will eat anything.

By Laurie Ransonette Anderson

16 comments:

Susan in St. Paul said...

when I read the title on the feed, I thought you were referring to people eating the larva you posted a picture of before,and I was wondering how it was prepared. So I was very disappointed to find out it was about regular, home made food, LOL!!!

What was that thing anyway?

ps: the V wrod is jjuice!

Larry Jones said...

I think you're right, Laurie. Back when I used to eat sandwiches, I had a poor boy (sandwich on a long roll) for lunch. After I had taken one bite from the end of it, I got a phone call and left it on the table to run down the hall to my office. When I returned, there was no one in the room, but the poor boy had been eaten from the other end all the way to within an inch or so of my one bite.

My challenge word for this: ylxjt

Zina said...

Maybe if they had to take a FOOD SERVIC PROTECTION CLASS they wouldn't do that. I must have some kind of gene that keeps me from doing that...I am so picky about what I eat. People always bring food from home to the theatre on Thanksgiving...can't touch it.

I'm know what you mean though..I can leave something in the office and come back a day later and its gone...my folks always admit they ate it..they have no shame.

vewxj (boo hoo...no zzz's)

Laurie said...

Susan - I'm not sure what it was. I looked all over the internet to try to find out and quit after I got too grossed out to continue.

(Popeye thought it might be part of his colon.)

Larry - That's hilarious! The culprit didn't care who made the sandwich or under what sanitary conditions it was made but he didn't want to take a bite after them. Hahahahahah!

Zina - I'm embarrassed to call you a Cajun!

Ed Abbey said...

We engineers are about as far away from the breakroom as anybody who works here and yet we are the "first responders" to food in the break room most of the time. I have seen stuff disappear that would gag a dog and with smiles on the face of the eater. It is the same everywhere I have worked and I am just shocked that nobody has tried a Jim Jones act of revenge yet. Instead they try shooting people with a gun and nobody tries to eat a gun from a shooter!

I've been trying to get the IT department to install a webcam in the break room to improve response time. I haven't bribed him enough yet but I'm getting closer.

We here are getting close to our month long food glut between Thanksgiving and Christmas were everyone brings in table loads of food for three to four weeks straight. It's great, because for a month I don't have to buy any food for myself at home.

Al said...

Back when I was working in radio, all kinds of listeners would bring food by the station. If they heard that it was a jock's birthday or somekind of special event - they brought food. New jock - they brought food. Some people would bring us food if they won a prize (one lady made a huge ass cake because she won some crappy movie tix). Although I appreciated the jesture, there was no way in hell I was going to consume any of it. We would place it in the jock lounge or the sales pit and it was desimated in a matter of minutes. But I'm sorry - after listening to some of the whackjobs that call you on the requestline - i'm not even going to touch the stuff. Some of these people were just a little to Stalkerish. And some of the crap just looked to nasty to consume

Stephen said...

that's exactly how it is in my office. and I'll tell you what, the stuff IS gone in no time!!

Rhonda said...

I am sorry to be off topic, but I have been internet deprived for quite a while, so I am just getting caught up.
It is about your train dream. As I read your description, I immediately thought that you were dreaming that you were Harry Potter and were with Ron and Hermione on the Hogwarts Express.
Yes, I am that wierd...
Anyway, for this post, I have noticed that not only do people eat everything in the break room that does not eat them first, they also will eat whatever you put in the community fridge, even if your name is on it!

thenewmrsf said...

As being one of your aptly termed "human office work type people," i am here to completely corroborate your story. yet i've got one better & i'd like your scientific opinion. i have one of these specimens in my environment, who from the time she walks in the door at 8:00 'til she leaves at 5:00, ALL she speaks of is food..."do y'all wanna order breakfast?" "is anyone as hungry as i am?" "what're we doing for lunch, y'all?" "is anyone gonna eat these leftovers?" "y'all, i can't wait to get home and eat supper." aside from using the slang term "y'all" profusely, she's talks of nothing but food while at work...and as you can imagine, not much work is actually done by this individual. your diagnosis, Dr. Laurie? this particular behavior baffles me, as i hardly have a chance to leave my desk to answer the call of nature....sorry so long, but LOVED your experiment!

Anonymous said...

It is so true. In an office, even the crappiest stuff gets eaten eventually.

WV -- qikpz (quick pees)

jafer said...

You are exactly right. I've always noticed this in offices, and have especially noticed that people making the most money, tend to be the ones eating the most FREE food.

I always leave the stuff alone. It makes me feel like a beggar, grubbing for the free food as if I don't have enough at home.

Laurie said...

Ed - I actually had the same thought (the Jim Jones thing) as I was standing around eating cookies in the breakroom and realized I had no idea who brought them.

Al - Someone could bring down our whole office if they brought in laxative laced Krispy Kremes.

Stephen - It's amazing how quickly it disappears.

Rhonda - Regarding the dream, I hadn't thought about the Harry Potter thing but I guess it's because I could see the train in the dream and it wasn't Harry Potter-ish at all.

Regarding this post, someone actually went into my lunch bag one time and left the Lean Cuisine but took my yogurt!

Mrs. F - No need to apologize for the length of your comment. As you can see, people have a lot to say on the subject. Regarding your co-worker, perhaps you can break her habit if every time she brings up food, you tell her you're feeling nauseated and "let's not talk about food right now." Try that for about a week and see if she can find anything else to say. Of course, if she's as boring/annoying as I suspect she is, you might one day be longing for the good old days when she only talked about food.

Anonymous - I agree. I've seen people eat brown bananas.

Jafer - When I worked at a different law firm, we were fairly certain that the person stealing other people's food out of the fridge was one of the attorneys.

Zina said...

Trust me take the class....

That's what living in Dallas with a Mexican does to a person.

I'm being punished with an extra long word ver:

btfdauhq

Laurie said...

Zina - I'd rather not take a class that will keep me up nights. I'll let you continue to be the gatekeeper.

Astrid said...

Yep, I reckon this is true. We eat with our eyes. Whats good for the eye must be good for the mouth! Ha!

Laurie said...

Astrid - I don't know if you guys have the saying "my eyes were bigger than my stomach" but that is so true sometimes.