Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Miss New Orleans Answers Your Sex Questions

How long does it take the average woman to achieve orgasm?
That depends on when she last changed the Duracells.

No, I mean, how long does it take for the average woman to achieve orgasm during intercourse?
Could you repeat the question? Again...again...again...a little to the left...
What was the question?

How long does it take the average man to achieve orgasm?
Would that be with his wife, with his mistress or with the hoochie he picked up downtown last weekend at closing time?

You're an idiot.
These are relevant factors pertinent to the question at hand. Oh, at hand. That brings up another factor...

Asshole.
That's not a question.

By Laurie Ransonette Anderson
(You never know where the inspiration for a post will come from. In this particular case, inspiration came in the form of a new pair of Duracells.)

17 comments:

Jack said...

"mjpsi"

That's all.

Laurie said...

Wang Chi - That's plenty.

Rhonda said...

Ok, what does "mjpsi" mean?

Laurie,
Thanks for checking out my blog. Of course I would link to yours! I was absolutely going into MNO withdrawal when I could not get online!
And thanks for the encouraging words, too...

Susan in St. Paul said...

I am wondering why you don't use rechargable batteries?

Also wondering a few other things:

why are middle aged men so into giving oral?
why do so many men talk about sex but don't do it?

Astrid said...

Wow, your inspiration came from of a new pair of Duracells! What a creative mind you got, lady!

Laurie said...

Rhonda - Regarding "mjpsi", if I tell you, I'll have to kill you.

Regarding the encouraging words, you're welcome. :)

Susan - Regarding rechargeable batteries: I need to upgrade my appliance I suppose.

Your questions:

1) Middle age men and oral - for the same reason the drug companies are making a fortune on the little blue pill. (Surely you aren't complaining?)

2)Men talking about sex and not doing it - I think it's because they're so afraid of doing the wrong thing because they can't read our minds that they take the safe route. Waiting is good.

Astrid - Thank you my little friend.

Peter said...

"Why do men talk about sex and not do it?" I guess it's the knock on effect of all the knock backs we got a few years ago!!
My doctor advised me to cut my sex life in half, I asked which half, talking about it or thinking about it.

Al said...

Laurie,
Now me know what to get you for Christmas.

Stephen said...

You just SO crack me up!!

Tanda said...

Peter, HAHA!!

Tough call...

Danno said...

Susan...

Why are middle aged men giving oral?

Got to give a little to get a little, aka, or the more you give the more you get.

Question #2: I don't know...never heard of guys like those.

Laurie said...

Peter - That's hilarious!

Al - I'm registered at Bare Necessities.

Stephen - Then my work here is done.

Tanda - Wasn't that funny?!

Danno - Thanks for the man's view on the matter.

Lorna said...

It's sex counsellors like you that ruined my first marrriage.

And by the way I know what'll happen when you get one of those black, hard shiny 9V batteries.

Lonesome George said...

In 1981 a dear friend of mine had problems about constantly running down her "D" cell batteries. One day I showed up with a 12 volt Die-Hard (yeah, like the ones Sears sells for automotive usage) and rigged it to her device with a 25' cable. The battery sat nicely in a marine box (like they keep batteries in for boat usage)and I mounted two 5 millivolt solar panels outside her third floor apartment window to keep the battery charged. She was very happy all the time and smiled a lot following that, until one day driving past her apartment I noticed two fire trucks and three police cars. They found her on the roof during a thunderstorm trying to ride the solar panels and helplessly tangled in the cabling and the mast of the outdoor tv antennae. She was still smiling though. Still, smiling.

Laurie said...

Lorna - I'm still working on getting my license.

George - With friends like you...

Vettacini Sheppard said...

I'm figuring out this damned computer...

Vettacini

Laurie said...

Davie - Good luck!