Wednesday, November 30, 2005

That's a Relief


This morning as I bent over to put on my shoes, I felt a sharp pain in my right breast. When I stood up, it wasn’t as bad but the pain was still there. Visions of mammograms and chemotherapy went through my head. I’m not an alarmist but my grandmother died of breast cancer at a very young age so that’s where my brain goes if I have any sort of breast-ial discomfort.

I reached under my bra and began prodding and poking my poor boob but couldn’t find the source of the pain. However, as I bent down to put on my other shoe, I was hit again with the same sharp shooting pain. Crap. I went back into examination mode. However, this time, I examined the bra instead of the breast. There it was. The underwire in my bra had broken free of its little fabric prison and had been stabbing my poor booby.

The underside of my right breast now has a lovely little puncture wound. Thank God, it’s only the result of a little self-mutilation caused by a worn-out bra that had seen better days. Rest in peace, my old bosom buddy. It’s to the trash with you, never to defy the laws of gravity again hoisting my mighty breasts high into the air as I walked proudly about the planet. You served us well.

18 comments:

Susan in St. Paul said...

Underwires are EVIL!

I am sorry you have to experience this.

that is all.

tzklppd- the zoo keeps loose penquins pretty decently ;-)

Jen T. (that's me) said...

Jen's Grand Tetons break their fair share of underwires each year. I feel your (and have felt my own) pain.

liuhua said...

goodness. i...don't know what to say. it's funny though.

rws said...

Glad to hear your weapons of mass destruction are all right. The shot of perspective that comes with moments like you describe -- a bit of discomfort leading to relief and appreciation instead of something nasty -- is no small thing. (Not sure any of my underooss have ever resulted in moments like that, though.)

Laurie said...

Susan - You are an expert at acronyms! I used to play a game online called Acrophobia that was so much fun. I wonder whatever happened to it.

Jen - Sisters in the battle for perky boobiness.

Liuhua - It was pretty funny (after I found the wire). :)

rws - It was one of those moments that makes you appreciate the whole day.

Ed Abbey said...

I forget what this blog was about because I couldn't get that image of the bra with spikes out of my mind so I checked out the website that you got it from. I think the description is even better than the picture. Ooh baby!

"These Spiky bras are bound to whip up excitement. Hand made by a designer at the forefront of her discipline, dominant in the lingerie field, it is the perfect gift for wife or mistress. Any slave to fashion will jump to handcuff herself to this brassier. Keep your lovelies in better bondage.

Don't bind yourself to the doldrums of conformity! Wear your silicone on the outside! Give your passion a long leash, kick up your spiked heels, and submit to your desire. Don't suffer another moment without one! You'll spank yourself if you do!..."

Rhonda said...

You have just reminded me to add Victoria's Secret gift certificate to my Christmas list. Thanks!

pmkiqr

Elizabeth (EEB) said...

Laurie:
The same thing happened to me years ago when I was in high school during the middle of marching band one afternoon. At a break, I discreetly removed the offensive bar. Unfortunately, I wasn't as discreet as I thought, because people immediately began calling me "BARBRA." Oh, the fond memories of adolescent cattiness!

Lonesome George said...

Glad the pain was explained simply!

But here's the question: What were you searching for when you found that photo?! :)

LG

Laurie said...

Ed - Oh, my. I must have one now.

Rhonda - You're welcome.

Elizabeth - Too bad I didn't know about that in the old BNBN days. KBM and GWR would have loved to know about that one. LN would have gotten a kick out of it, too.

George - I Googled pointy bra

Marinade Dave said...

I would have done the same thing...I mean, a breast examination before looking at the bra. Then a back rub.

Tina said...

How ironic that you would write, "Rest in peace, my old bosom buddy" when the lady from Bosom Buddies, Wendy Jo Sperber passed away of breast cancer...

I hope it had nothing whatsoever to do with puncture wounds and ill-advised bra choices.

Laurie said...

Tina - I didn't know that. When I looked up her date of death just now, I expected to find that she had died several years ago. She died the day before I did this post.

Anyone who knows me, knows I believe in all kinds of strangeness. This is pretty strange.

Hello to Wendy, if you're looking over my shoulder. I loved your work.

Laurie said...

Marinade Dave - Oh, my! I almost missed your comment. That's the best...uh...comment I've had in a loooonnnnggg time. Good one!

Stephen said...

We once had a patient walk into our emergency room, complaining of chest pain. This woman was not large, she was huge. The kept stating that she was having pain. We got her into a room, hooked her up to a monitor, and ordered an EKG. The monitor looked normal, and so did the EKG. The attending doctor decided to admit her for observation anyway, just to be sure.

The woman was removing her clothes to don a gown to go to x-ray, and low and behold, she had a spoon stuck under her boob in her bra. She started laughing as she was eating ice cream in bed the night before and fell asleep.

I had to run out of the room FAST, as the laughter was about to start and I knew I'd never be able to stop once it started. Go figure!!

Laurie said...

Stephen - Oh, my. Now, I'm picturing all sorts of things hidden in and about her body. That's hilarious.

Peter said...

Good HNT shot Laurie!!!

Laurie said...

Peter - Jen told me about HNT (Half Nekkid Thursday). I might have to get in on that.