Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Top Ten Suspected Drug Abusing Cartoon Characters

Disclaimer: I didn't write this. I found it online attributed to "anonymous."

10. Gargamel (From the Smurfs)
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys mentally abusing his cat.

9. Olive Oyl
Amphetamine abuse. She might just be anorexic, she is always giving her burger to her friend. One side note, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking?

8. Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.

7. He-Man
This is an easy one. Steroid abuse. "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the shit in his pet tiger.

6.& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip.

4. Droopy
The number one downer abuser in toon land. The only time you ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.

3. Dopey Dwarf
The name gives him away. Also, allegations are that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys are partaking.

2. Daffy Duck
Crack. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time.

1. Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode smokes pot, no if, ands, or, buts about it. And look at the way he and his friends painted that van!


Anonymous said...

That was funny. I never really thought about that before, with the exception of Shaggy, of course. Have you seen the Scooby Do movies? Now we know why they always needed Scooby Snacks! Anyhow, thanks for leaving a comment in my blog. I'm strongly considering Blogger as my new home for 2005.

ann marie

Lorna said...

Not to mention the massive doses of Paxil being consumed by the people who write those sappy family cartoons. Another reason to love the Bunny Suicides and the Far Side: darkness rules, and I only needed a couple of downers to figure that out.