Sunday, December 26, 2004

If I Die Before I Wake

While making the rounds of relatives on Christmas day, we stopped in to visit my Uncle Wayne and his wife Charlotte. Wayne is my dad's youngest brother and he's only 8 years older than me.

For someone with sky high cholesterol and blood sugar levels, my uncle is in relatively good health. However, he is constantly giving away his possessions and prefacing statements with, "I might not be here next (fill in the blank: a. year, b. Christmas, c. Easter, d. weekend)."

The alarm clock is on Wayne's side of the bed and when it goes off, he wakes Charlotte for work. One morning the clock didn't go off so he woke Charlotte late. He told her, "You know, if I die during the night, you'll be late for work."

This set off a riff on what Charlotte would say when she called the paramedics:

"My husband died during the night. You need to come get him. I'll leave the door open, I'm late for work."

"My husband died during the night and I'm in a bit of a hurry because he didn't wake me and I'm late for work. I'll put him on the dolly by the front door but I'll need the dolly back."

It reminded us of when we were children going on family vacation. As soon as we were on the road to our destination, our mother would peer over the front seat and look at us and in all sincerity say, "If something happens to me the cash and Astroworld tickets are right here in this pocket in my purse," as though we would drop her at the nearest hospital and continue on our merry way.

By the way, if something happens to me, somebody get this blog published. Make up some sappy story about what a light I was to the world in my not-so-short-life and how it all tragically ended while I was (fill in the blank: a. rescuing people from a burning building, b. donating organs, c. feeding starving children in Rwanda, d. tackling a mugger to recover a little old lady's purse).

Then, go to Astroworld. The tickets are in my purse.

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