Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Wait up!

Several times in the past, I have joined gyms. I would go for about three months and, inevitably, I would quit. I eventually realized that it wasn't the exercise I hated, it was the gym.

  • Gyms (and the people in them) stink.
  • I don't like waiting for Ms. Butt-Like-A-Rock to do 300 leg presses on the one leg press machine.
  • I don't care how thoroughly people wipe down a machine, it doesn't erase the fact that someone's disgusting body fluids were just all over it.
  • I don't like the stink-eye I get when I accidentally take someone's favorite mat or special spot in the aerobics class.
  • Putting mirrors in the aerobics class is just mean.
  • Step class was specifically designed to humiliate and embarrass me.

If someone would create a gym that was designed like a huge playground, I would join. All of the equipment (swings, merry-go-rounds, slides, monkey bars, see-saws) would be at least 50 yards from each other and you would have to run to each one (holding hands with your best friend if you like) hollering, "Hey, guys! Wait up!". The boys would chase the girls and there would be tether ball and kickball and dodge ball. Maybe, sometimes someone would bring a baton and teach us all how to twirl.

Please tell me someone has already thought of this and tell me where I can sign up.


sleepybomb said...

there is a pic circling the net of a trendy gym, (prolly in l.a.), that has steps leading up to the door, with escalators on either side of the steps . . . kinda sez it all . . .
i always found a good days hard labor more beneficial than gyms. sometimes prison does pay.

Deek Deekster said...

i think dancing does it for me... leading to vigorous sex, even better...

i recognise your gym though, many reasons why i also hate them! yuk places.

Laurie said...

Well, Sleepybomb, if I have to choose between prison and Deek's dancing sex gym, I have to go with Deek's place. I hope he's running a special this month.