My sister Terry and her husband Dan went to Italy a few years ago. While they were there, they also went to Rome where they saw the Pope. Before I tell Terry's Pope story, I have to give a little family history.
In my family cussing is a special language all its own. In fact, it's more of an art form than a language. Cursing is used to express all emotions, whether good or bad. If my grandparents and parents ever edited their expletives when we were kids, I was too young to remember and I remember a lot.
I didn't realize that other families weren't as colorful as mine until my friend Judy came with me to visit my grandparents when we were about 15 or 16 years old. When we got there, we went into the kitchen to kiss my grandmother.
When my grandfather realized we were there, he came into the kitchen, put his arm lovingly around my grandmother and asked, "What's for dinner you tub of sh**?"
Unperturbed, she replied, "Go back and sit down you old fart. I'm cooking a roast and I'll call you when it's ready."
I was looking in the pots so I didn't notice the shocked look on Judy's face until I turned around. She was looking from Grandma to Grandpa to me expecting God knows what to happen. When she realized this was obviously the natural flow of conversation between my grandparents, she laughed so hard I thought she was going to pass out. To this day whenever I see her, Judy talks about my grandparents' version of sweet talk.
Back to the Pope. When Terry and Dan were in the square waiting for the Pope to pass by in his Pope-mobile, Terry got her camera ready to take a picture. Right as the Pope was in range for her to take the perfect picture, her camera malfunctioned. As she told the story to us upon her return, I immediately started laughing.
"What?" she said.
I said, "I'm picturing the Pope being right in front of you, you trying to snap a picture and going 'F**k! Gotdamn cheapass piece of sh**!' and you looking up straight into the shocked eyes of the Pope!"
Unbelievably, that didn't happen and she got a lovely photo of the back of his head.