Talking Muffins
There were two muffins baking in the oven and one muffin said, "Geeze, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin yelled, "AHHHH!!!! A talking muffin!!!!!"
Taking A Centipede to a BarA guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to a bar with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to a bar with me tonight? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes, and then asked him again, "How about going to a bar with me tonight? I want you to meet my friends."
But again, there was no answer from his new pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to a bar with me tonight and have a few laughs!?"
A little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."
Getting the Last Word
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, Mother of Six in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
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