A Literate Bum

Here's another New Orleans story. I took a trip to New Orleans in the Spring of this year with my friends Kelly, Clay, Kim, Kevin and Cindy. On Saturday night, I decided to wear a little black t-shirt and jeans. Not much of a fashion statement but important to the story.

Very late in the evening we decided we were hungry and wanted to eat somewhere where we could sit down rather than just have a Lucky Dog from a street vendor. By the way, if you've never had a Lucky Dog, I highly recommend it. What I do not recommend is taking a picture of the poor soul who sells you your feast on a bun. Of course, we always take a picture. Then, when we get home and look at the pictures, we're horrified to see the digitally enlarged, shall we say, poorly manicured hands of our dear vendor. I'm sure that a vendor dude would be teased mercilessly by the other vendor dudes if he dared wear plastic gloves.

The place we decided to eat was at the other end of Bourbon Street from where we were. So, off we go. As we're threading our way through the drunken and not-so-drunken masses, I passed near a really scrungy guy standing in a doorway. I didn't really notice him until he looked at me and said, "Ugly."

Now, I'm no raving beauty but I've never had anyone call me "ugly" to my face. I tried to ignore it and thought I misunderstood him until my friend Clay asked me, "What did he say?" I said, "He called me 'ugly.'" We had a good laugh but it was still bothering me when we sat down to eat. Alcohol can do that. It can cause you to obsess over what someone with no teeth and a week's worth of grunge on his face thinks about you.

While we were waiting for our food, Clay's wife Kelly says, "Coyote Ugly." Kelly hadn't heard the whole Laurie/bum encounter because she and Kim were walking in front of Clay and I. Clay and I looked at each other and I said, "What?" Kelly said, "Your shirt. 'Coyote Ugly'" I totally forgot I was wearing the black t-shirt I bought at Coyote Ugly in Las Vegas. The one with the word "UGLY" prominently written across the front in bright white letters.

A literate bum. Who'd a thunk it?