Wednesday, April 23, 2008

We take a break from Stingaree posts to nominate an "Asshole of the Year"



Even though we haven't even spoken about Liz and Lincoln, Wrecks Bell, Hayes Carll singing "Katie," Eliza Gilkyson, the Stone Coyotes, The Magpies, Ray Wylie Hubbard, Lucas Hubbard or me "accidentally" ending up backstage, I have to take a short break from my Stingaree posts to nominate an Asshole of the Year. The guy I encountered this afternoon rivals this guy for the title of Asshole of All Time.

I stopped at Kroger after work today to get gas and, as usual it was crowded and every pump had a car in it. I drove around the pumps (there are at least 6 islands of them) until I found a car facing the same direction I would be in for my gas tank to align with the pump. This is what NORMAL people do.

When I pulled into the lot, there was a car (noted as "asshole" on the diagram above) parked so far back from the pumps waiting to get gas that I had to drive on the grass to get around him. After I drove around him, I pulled up behind a car totally forgetting that the asshole was on the opposite side of the lot from me.

When the lady got back from the window after paying for her gas (who doesn't pay at the pump anymore?), I pulled up. "Asshole" started blowing his horn. I looked around and realized he might be blowing at me. I smiled at him thinking, "Surely, not." He scowled at me, began making weird hand gestures with both hands flailing around and screaming! I kept looking at him and HE BEGAN TO DRIVE TOWARD ME!!!!!!!!!! He started spinning his wheels until there was so much smoke around him, I could barely see his car! Everybody in the lot was looking at him...AND LAUGHING AT HIM.

I pulled back and went to another pump. A co-worker happened to be at another pump and she had seen everything. She said everybody on that side of the lot was making fun of the guy and saying that now he not only needs gas, he needs new tires.

My point is, besides pointing out that this guy was a total asshole (who pulls up behind a car going the wrong way to wait for a gas pump?), that I would love for that idiot ignoramus butt-munch spit bucket to actually read this post and know that everybody was laughing at the Big Man and his tire spinning forcing the little girl to move so he could put gas in his car.

Way to go, tough guy.

9 comments:

Rebecca Hickman said...

How awful! I hate gas stations.

Just a Plane Ride Away said...

"ignoramus butt-munch spit bucket"

Hahahahaha! You kill me. IG-NORE-A-MUS is such a good word.

And... they sell gas at your Kroger?!

Laurie said...

Rebecca - I really shouldn't try to go right after work.

Just... - Yes, they sell gas at Kroger! They sell gas at both Krogers here in Beaumont, at Sam's and at HEB. PLUS, if you buy $100 worth of stuff in the previous month, you save 10 cents a gallon...hence the lines. It's the least expensive gas in town even before the discount. (I used to have a little widget on my sidebar which showed the cheapest gas in town, but it quit working.)

Just a Plane Ride Away said...

I knew Sam's sold it, but I've never seen a pump at a grocery store, though. And how much IS gas there these days? I haven't bought gas in two months, so I'm not sure what it is here currently. In February, it was 60 BPS (or about $120) for a tank of gas. Ouch. Of course, everyone waits patiently in line here. No honking, no gesturing, no burning rubber. Say, do you get to use your Kroger Plus Card at the pump?!

Laurie said...

Just... - I paid $3.419 for a gallon of the middle grade of gas after the 10 cent discount. Yes, on using the Kroger Plus card. I think you save 3 cents a gallon with the Kroger Plus card even if you haven't met the $100 purchase incentive. I think.

Leon J. de la Garza said...

hmm... i had an asshole encounter about a month or two ago.. but not at a gas station..

this time it was asshole in a traffic jam..

i actually did write a post on it, but in spanish :S

anyway.. let's just wish him a horrible death.. might just make you feel better.

:P

be well.

Laurie said...

Leon - I can live with that.

Advocare Teresa in Beaumont said...

I thought of you today when I went to Kroger to get gas.

It was the middle of the afternoon, went to the Post Office, used my debit card at the kiosk so that I wouldn't have to stand in that ridiculous line, then over to Kroger for the discounted gas.

What the f&*#? a car at every pump! That's OK I can wait, but then everyone I pull up behind gets out of their car and goes to stand in line at the the window to pay! Who doesn't use a debit card at a busy gas station?

One guy fills up, goes to the window then comes back to fill up a 5 gallon container!

Finally I just picked a spot - behind an SUV with blacked out windows - nothing is happening, I figure the driver must be in line to pay and will be right back. It feels like forever then finally the door opens and someone talking on a cel phone gets out and starts walking to the window!

Of course, I roll down my window and holler "Are you getting gas or what?" She looks at her friend, "Is she talking to me?"

OK now I think I am going to get my ass whipped, so I start looking for another pump, I find one, use my Kroger card, my debit card, fill up and as I am leaving I see that the SUV is still there at the pump!

OK maybe I am the asshole - I have my business name and phone number across my rear window and my 3 year old daughter in the back.

I didn't burn rubber or shout or anything, but I did turn it into a life lesson for my daughter about how NOT to act at the gas station.

Laurie said...

Teresa - OH...MY...GOD!!!