Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Even though we haven't even spoken about Liz and Lincoln, Wrecks Bell, Hayes Carll singing "Katie," Eliza Gilkyson, the Stone Coyotes, The Magpies, Ray Wylie Hubbard, Lucas Hubbard or me "accidentally" ending up backstage, I have to take a short break from my Stingaree posts to nominate an Asshole of the Year. The guy I encountered this afternoon rivals this guy for the title of Asshole of All Time.
I stopped at Kroger after work today to get gas and, as usual it was crowded and every pump had a car in it. I drove around the pumps (there are at least 6 islands of them) until I found a car facing the same direction I would be in for my gas tank to align with the pump. This is what NORMAL people do.
When I pulled into the lot, there was a car (noted as "asshole" on the diagram above) parked so far back from the pumps waiting to get gas that I had to drive on the grass to get around him. After I drove around him, I pulled up behind a car totally forgetting that the asshole was on the opposite side of the lot from me.
When the lady got back from the window after paying for her gas (who doesn't pay at the pump anymore?), I pulled up. "Asshole" started blowing his horn. I looked around and realized he might be blowing at me. I smiled at him thinking, "Surely, not." He scowled at me, began making weird hand gestures with both hands flailing around and screaming! I kept looking at him and HE BEGAN TO DRIVE TOWARD ME!!!!!!!!!! He started spinning his wheels until there was so much smoke around him, I could barely see his car! Everybody in the lot was looking at him...AND LAUGHING AT HIM.
I pulled back and went to another pump. A co-worker happened to be at another pump and she had seen everything. She said everybody on that side of the lot was making fun of the guy and saying that now he not only needs gas, he needs new tires.
My point is, besides pointing out that this guy was a total asshole (who pulls up behind a car going the wrong way to wait for a gas pump?), that I would love for that idiot ignoramus butt-munch spit bucket to actually read this post and know that everybody was laughing at the Big Man and his tire spinning forcing the little girl to move so he could put gas in his car.
Way to go, tough guy.