Son, I said, Son...

Inspired by a lively e-mail exchange this afternoon, I present you with Foghorn Leghorn quotes. (I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30 p.m. tonight and my brain is mush. This is the best post I can muster but I guarantee it will make you smile.)

• That boy is about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
• Son, I said Son...
• I say!, I say!, The boy is bozerk!!
• Clunk enough people and we'll have a nation of lumpheads.
• Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
• That woman's as cold as a nudist on an iceberg.
• She reminds me of Paul Revere's ride - a little light in the belfry.
• Gal reminds me of the highway between Ft. Worth and Dallas - no curves.
• As bare as a cooch dancer's midriff.
• Hey boy, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind.
• That kid's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
• If the kid don't stop talkin' so much he'll get his tongue sunburned.
• Well, barbeque my hamhocks!
• That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrrel of oat meal.
• That boy's as strong as an ox, and just about as smart.
• Look sister, is any of this filtering through that little blue bonnet of yours?
• You're doing a lot of choppin', but no chips are flyin'.
• I've got this boy as figgity as a bubble dancer with a slow leak.
• You look like two miles of bad road.
• That boy's just like a tattoo...gets under your skin.
• I-I-I know what you're gonna say son. When two halves is gone there's nuthin' left - and you're right. It's a little ol' worm who wasn't there. Two nuthins is nuthin'. That's mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'.
• Lookit here son, I say son, did ya see that hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That Rhode Island Red turned white. Then blue. Rhode Island. Red, white, and blue. That's a joke, son. A flag waver.
• You're built too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em. Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball. Eye. Ball. I almost had a gag, son. Joke, that is.
• Okay, I'll shut up. Some fellas have to keep their tongues flappin' but not me. I was brought up right. My pa used to tell me to shut up and I'd shut up. I wouldn't say nothin'. One time darn near starved to death. WOULDN'T TELL HIM I WAS HUNGRY!!
• Fortunately, I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency!
• Pay attention, boy! I'm cuttin' but you're not bleedin'!
• Mutts - ah say - mutts is nuts!
• I don't this kid's got all his marbles. Shakes his head when he means yes and nods when he means no.
• That boy's so dumb, he thinks a Mexican border pays rent!
• I don't need your love to keep me warm, Widow Hen. I have my BANDAGES to keep me warm!
• A sensitive mind won't stand being picked on.
• The dawg's busier than a centipede at a toe-counting contest.
• Hey Dawg! I've come to bury the hatchet! Ha, ha. Not in your pointed head, Boy. I've come to give a present.
• The snow's so deep, the farmers have to jack up the cows so they can milk 'em!
• OH that woman Gotta mouth like an outboard moter, All the time putputputputputput!
• That boy's as timid as a canary at a cat-show.
• I need, I say, I need a pointer, and that dog's got just the head for it. Pointed, that is.
• Go away, boy! Or I'll spank you where the feathers are thinnest.
• What'ya doin' with a pump, boy? Diggin' for oil? You're crazy, boy. There's no oil within 500 miles of here. Geology of the ground's all wrong. Even if there WAS oil you'd need a drill not a tire pump.
• Speakin' of figures. I put 2 and 2 together and come up with a 4-legged, smart alec mutt!
• I sais, now I said, pay attention boy!