Saturday, April 29, 2006

Keith Richards Falls Out of Palm Tree on Fiji


Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree earlier this week on the island of Fiji and was treated for a mild concussion.

Of all the ways I would expect Keith Richards to injure himself, falling out of a palm tree, on Fiji, no less, wouldn't even be in the top one thousand. Number one would be some sort of accidental electricity mishap involving his guitar and a close second would be falling off a stage during the fifth bar of a rousing Satisfaction encore. Numbers three through ten would probably involve drugs and/or alcohol and the top twenty ways of Keith earning a trip to the ER would be rounded out by any multitude of well earned sexual, chemical, toxic or wardrobe related incidents.

Wouldn't you love to be the doctor who has to decide if there's any brain damage? To start with, the man is 62 years old and he was up a palm tree. Most people stop climbing trees much earlier than 62, let alone a tree with no branches. I think the bar is going to have to be set pretty low as far as the benchmark for when this guy is released back into the general population as back to normal. Normal for Keith Richards certainly has to fall into a medical category all its own.

Edited to add: Two additional bits of information are floating around this morning. The first is that Ron Wood was with him which begins to explain why he was up that tree in the first place.

"I fancy a coconut."

"Well, mate, why don't you just shimmy up that lovely coconut tree there and have a go at it?"

"I bet I can."

"I bet you can't."

The second bit of information, which I've only seen on blogs and not in an official news source, is that, after Keith was released from the hospital in New Zealand, he went back to Fiji and promptly got on a jet ski, had another accident and was taken back to the hospital. I bet Ron had something to do with that one, too.

"Double or nothin' on the jet ski over there?"

"You're on, mate."

Of course, to someone just passing by, this would all sound like...

"Djoijlfm oimn oinfoienalsi tha?"

"Ymoifem oji mate."

12 comments:

Deek Deekster said...

Keith Richards was looking for the fourth chord. he thought he heard it behind a parakeet which flew up into the tree. He shook himself, blinked, pulled himself up, and staggered over to the tree which murmured to him something salacious in a lingo he found vaguely remeniscent of Portobello Rd, 1971.

Keith grasped the trunk all round, and started shimmying up the tree like a native. He was doing fine and was several yards up, but the sensual whispers grew louder and he realised he was nursing a growing erection...

At that moment, he cursed the tree, knowing that it was responsible for one of the oldest tricks in the book. "You slag" he muttered, sweat dripping down the lines in his forehead, clinging on for dear life, his groin pressed helplessly against the trunk, "I thought you had the fuckin chord and all you wanted was a shag!"

He was quite high now. At that point the bird landed on his left shoulder and started to sing the most beautiful piece of music by Elliot Carter that he had composed for moments such as this. Keith was astonished, and his resistance fell away. Unfortunately so did his grip.

That is the true story of how Keith Richards fell out of his tree.

Laurie's Mom said...

Well, Laurie, the climb was probably due to some sexual, chemical or toxic incident. But when that Palm Tree saw that UGLY
MONKEY on it's back, that tree threw him off. Man what a face.

Word Verification = olrsrc:
Oh, Lord Remove Scary Rat Completely.
(not good, but best I could come up with.)

Danno said...

I'm convinced Keith Richards will outlive all of us. I remember comedians in the 80's joking about how he was a walking corpse. Now he's climbing palm trees...granted, falling from them, but he still got up there.

Laurie said...

Deek - Fantastic!!!

Mom - I think that's an excellent Word Verification thing and quite appropriate for the post.

Danno - He's like that guy in that M. Night Shymalan movie, Unbreakable.

Susan in St. Paul said...

Unfortunately head injuries tend to happen in multiples. "Ninety-two percent of repeat concussions occurred within 10 days of the first head injury, and 75 percent occurred within a week"
(http://deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,525039000,00.html) I could only find a link for sports but how different can musicains be?

yojpd-your own jokes play detriot

Dick said...

I was in Fiji on a Sunday more than a quarter-century ago when our Navy ship pulled into Suva. There just wasn't much happening there. Had I not been somewhat scared of heights back then, I might have climbed a palm tree myself. Of course, I wasn't nearly as old as Keith.

Laurie said...

Susan - I wonder if Keith's going for some sort of head banging record.

Dick - Maybe that's the key. You should go back now and climb that tree.

Anonymous said...

Got damn that's an ugly man.

Lorna said...

Now I really, really, REALLY know what LOL means!

Laurie said...

Anonymous - A pretty man he ain't.

Lorna - :)

Neal said...

Dang, that's funny.

Laurie said...

Neal - :)