Monday, February 20, 2006

Self Control

Today I had to meet my mom at an attorney's office to sign some papers. In the conference room were me, my mom, a nice couple buying a house from us and the attorney who happened to be a guy I also went to high school with.

The attorney, who-happened-to-be-a-guy-I-also-went-to-high-school-with, was being very professional and lawyerly while my mom and the couple had on their best be-nice-to-strangers faces. I was fifteen minutes late getting to the meeting because I couldn't find the office so, although I had on my be-nice-to-strangers face, inside my adrenaline was pumping.

As the attorney, w-h-t-b-a-g-I-a-w-t-h-s-w, was explaining all the deeds and whatnot to the nice couple, my mind wandered here and there and yon until I was shaken back to reality when I heard him say, "...there have never been any toxic dumps on the property."

The house my mom and I were selling was the house my aunt and her family had lived in for about twenty years. I wrestled with my adrenaline addled brain and rapidly loosening tongue and it took every fiber of my being to not say, "I bet Uncle Robert left a couple of toxic dumps there."


Zina said...

Actually, we moved into that house whenI was five years old. I'm now (or will be soon) what is that about 37 years for my mom and Chris. Kara's entire life and mine for about 20 years.

And trust me there was ALOT of toxic dumps there.

Laurie said...

Zina - I thought I was off on the numbers. I don't think I'll change it though. I'll let your comment correction do the talking. Our family does have some world class dumpers don't we?

Mom said...

Hey, Laurie and Zina how about the many Christmas Eve Parties and Christmas Dinners at the Old Place.
Lets not start counting are the couple who bought it will turn us into the Government Toxic Department and burn the place down. (Notice my time, to much to think about, can't sleep.)

Mom said...

Sorry about the "into" should be "in to" I surely don't want to be a Toxic Department. HA HA
My verifcation word was "fvakpwxs"
worst one I every had.

Lorna said...

How did I know where that was going? Even addled, you've got it!

Laurie said...

Mom - Maybe that's why that neighborhood used to flood in the old days.

Lorna - Great addled minds think alike.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Probably only the lawyer would have laughed -- and even then would have to say, "Ah, excuse me."

Renee said...

See as soon as that thought would have come to my mind I would have errupted in laughter and they would have thought about taking me to the looney bin!LOL

Anonymous said...

How about a good Uncle Robert Story. He was up on a ladder putting up Christmas lights and had been suffering from a stomache virus. aunt Hazel sat watching while he worked. All of sudden he flew down the ladder and into the house. Mom and I were across the street doing our Christmas lights and heard Aunt Hazel laughing. When she finally stopped laughing long enough to tell us what happened. She told us that Uncle Robert, in his strong cajun accent said, "May goddamn, I thought I had to fart and I shit in my pants"
So yes toxic waste in and outside the
BabySis Bonnie

Laurie said...

Old Horsetail - I think he would have cracked up alright.

Renee - I know I must have had a little smirk on my face at the very least.

Bonnie - I think I posted that on this blog somewhere. Great story.

Zina said...

Yeap, my dad is now the famous "crapper" on this blog. This is his second appearance in this blog as a person with a over-active colon.
Didn't any of our other uncles do anything embarrassing? :)

Laurie said...

Zina - Have you MET my dad? I'll need to do a post strictly on uncles.