It occurred to me this evening that I didn't do my usual Friday Night Standup/Quotes post this past Friday. I considered doing a bunch of quotes from the Simpsons but there are so many, I would never be able to choose. Here are a couple of sites with Simpsons quotes and I'll just let you Google about for yourselves searching for Homer and Bart's pearls of wisdom.
My favorite Homer Simpson quote of all time occurred during an episode in which Homer was forced to be the designated driver for his drunk friends. At the beginning of the end of the night of Homer's designated driving nightmare, his friends were spouting off all sorts of ridiculous things they just had to do right then. Sober Homer said, "That's just drunk talk...wonderful, beautiful drunk talk."
For your entertainment, I give you herewith ten examples of Wonderful Beautiful Drunk Talk. After each intoxication proclamation, you should insert The Chorus.
- Look at that ass! Shhhhhh...I'm going to grab it.
- I'm going to kick his ass!
- Let's walk to...(fill in the blank with your favorite local gay bar)!
- Waffle House!
- For Halloween, let's all dress up like...(fill in the blank with ridiculously difficult costume ideas, the construction of which will never happen in a million years).
- Let's go to my house! I'll make omelets!!
- The casinos in Louisiana are open all night!
- One day, I'm going to buy this bar.
- Let's all sing American Pie!
- We can be in New Orleans in three hours!