Monday, August 13, 2007

I'll get you for that Ron Carter

A couple of weeks before Ava was born, I went to Houston to visit Cory and Jamie. As I was driving to Chili's to buy lunch, I noticed a billboard from Ron Carter Ford Toyota Jeep that read:


Odd, I thought. However, I was too hungry to try to figure out what the words meant. Later in the day, when I went out to buy supper (I'm more of a "I'll buy supper" mom/mother-in-law than a "Oh, please, let me cook" mom/mother-in-law), I saw the billboard again.

When I got back to their house, I asked Cory what the sign meant. He said he had noticed the sign but hadn't really thought about it. When I got home to Beaumont, I, of course, Googled it. I thought it might be a new type of car or a car salesman's name. "Hi, I'm Udea Tawin. You can call me Surf." Google turned up nothing.

Several weeks later, I brought my mom, sister and niece to Houston to see Ava. I showed all of them the billboard and we mulled it over and discussed it off and on throughout the day. Eventually, I finally thought to ask my daughter-in-law about the sign.

She said, "Ron Carter puts those billboards up from time to time. The words aren't really words but when you say them out loud, they mean something."

I looked at my sister, Bonnie, and said, "But, it doesn't mean anything...UDEA SURF TAWIN...crap."

"YOU DESERVE TO WIN," shouted Bonnie.

"Sonofabitch," I said, "It's a fucking Mad Gab. You deserve to win?! You deserve to win?! I hate you Ron Carter!! As God is my witness, you'll pay for torturing me for a whole damn month."

Later in the day, as my mom, my niece and I drove to Friendswood to, of course, pick up Chinese food, we passed by Ron Carter's car lot.

"That sonofabitch," I said. "Katie, you know what we're going to do tonight? We're going to buy a bunch of bread and throw it all over Ron Carter's shiny new cars. The birds will come during the night, eat the bread and crap all over his fancy Jeeps and Toyotas and Fords. The birds will eat all the evidence. It's the perfect crime. It's like in that Twilight Zone episode when the lady killed her husband with the leg of lamb then served it to the cops."

Katie and mom laughed. They thought I was kidding.

Just wait, Ron Carter. Your ass is mine.

Mad Gabbing, bastard.


Leslie said...

I'm no good at things like that either. The way you feel about Ron Carter is the way I feel about drivers that have cryptic vanity plates.

Laurie's Mom said...


Jen T. (soon to be E.) said...

I like the way you think.

Lorna said...

I loved that story (for some kreason I think it was written by Roald Dahl)---I only wish I had been as inspired by it as you are.

Laurie said...

Leslie -Yes! Vanity plates are road hazards.

Mom - Next trip, you're on.

Jen - Like minds.

Lorna - I do believe you are correct. Twilight Zone was great.

aja said...

If it makes you feel any better, I couldn't figure it out either.

Laurie said...

Aja - That does make me feel better. :)