Saturday, March 03, 2007

"I have a wonderful husband."

Many years ago, my son and I used to enjoy watching Wheel of Fortune every afternoon as we sat down in front of the television with our take-out supper which I had picked up on my way home from work. Don't judge me. He turned out just fine.

At some point, though, The Wheel began to get on my nerves. The hyperactive contestants, the constant clapping, the ageless Vanna White (who still looks good, by the way) became too much to bear. I have since opted for Seinfeld, Raymond or King of Queens reruns which I watch while eating my Stoeffer's Lean Cuisine. Don't judge me. I've turned out just fine.

The most irritating, nauseating, annoying thing of all, however, the thing that sends me screaming for my remote control, is the way ninety percent of the female contestants describe their children as "fantastic" and their husbands as "wonderful." Just once, I'd love to hear a contestant say:

"Well, Pat, my ungrateful children are constantly embarrassed by me and told me they would disown me if I came on this retarded show, so screw them. If mama's a big winner, you can all kiss my ass. My husband? You mean the raging alcoholic who won't get a job? That guy? Yeah, screw him, too, although I quit doing that years ago."

I, actually, think Pat Sajack would love that.


La Sirena said...

The unvarnished truth is both hilarious and refreshing.

pokerboss said...

First, I'm not sure that "Playboy" subscribers would pay to see Vanna naked anymore. Second, if I can get Peg on the show, that "raging alcoholic who won't get a job" thing is a foregone conclusion. Personally, I watch Fox News in that time slot. I think that Shepherd Smith is actually approaching "fair and balanced." It's not like I'm going all Red-State or anything.

laura1814 said...

Shep is my kind of eye candy. Yum! And he's smart, too! (And from the South. And tall. I will stop here.)

yegfi: Your elastic gray faded jeans.

Darn it, got another one!

tzbupixz: Truly zany boys utter perfectly idiotic xylophonic zephyrs.

Laurie said...

LaSirena - :)

Pokerboss - I used to like Shepherd Smith, then I didn't. Maybe I'll give him another chance. Maybe. Fox News is, generally, far too theatrical for me.

Laura - Last time I saw Shep Smith was during Hurricane Rita and he totally got on my nerves. Maybe I'll give him another shot.

Sophmom said...

LMAO. I can't stand Wheel. Even ET is better. And, hey, at least you sat down with your son! Clearly, that's what counted. :)

Laurie said...

Sophmom - We did do a lot of bonding over take-out.

TexasGal said...

That would be hilarious!

Laurie said...

Texas Gal - :P

Grimm said...

Now that is too freaking funny.

Good stuff girl.

I like the ones where everyone in the world watching knows the phrase except the 3 idiots they have on the show.

Laurie said...

Grimm - We used to scream at the screen: "Papa was a rolling stone, you idiot!!!!!!!!!!"