Wednesday, August 02, 2006

In Laurie's Brain - More Hallsnark Cards

According to my stat counter, someone arrived at this site by doing a search for "Happy Anniversary to my Ex." I looked back at my Hallsnark Cards post and realized that I didn't create any that fit that category. How foolish of me.

So, off we go...

Happy Un-Anniversary, My Un-Beloved Ex-Darling
I hope you’re as happy as I am that I no longer have to put up with your shit.

Happy 5-Year Divorce-Anniversary
I finally paid off your credit card debt.
You may now rot in hell with a clear conscience.

Happy Anniversary to My Ex-Husband
Thanks for dumping me.
Sex without all the pleading and crying is SO much better.

Happy Anniversary to my Ex-Wife
You suck, but my new girlfriend sucks better.

Happy Ex-Anniversary, Bitch.
(blank – I’m sure you’ll think of something appropriate to say.)

Happy Anniversary to my Ex-Wife
You slept with the gardener.
You slept with the pool man.
You made my life hell,
As only you can.

Happy Anniversary to my Soon-to-Be-Ex-Husband and his Gold Digger Mistress
Bank Austria Cayman Islands
Account Number 17*32****89***7
Now, who’s the stupid bitch?


Sophmom said...

Laurie, this is so funny to me. Yesterday was my 25th wedding anniversary. The Husband With Whom I Have Completed The Cohabitation Phase Of The Marriage (by almost two years) insisted we go out to dinner and I complied just to keep the peace. It was fine (the food was good) but not one word was said about the fact that we got married and how much it sucked the whole time. I swore I would never do that again. Thanks for the great post. It made me able to laugh at it again.

cindybindy said...

Laurie: You must quit your job in the legal field immediately. The world of smart ass cards and bitter women need you in the printing field. These are too funny. :) I love your blog. Only one more week until school :( Cindy

Anonymous said...

I'm sure I was the insperation for the second one. I'm honored

Baby Sis

Laurie said...

Sophmom - Good timing, huh? Cool.

Cindy - Oh, my! Aren't you nice. Sorry about the school thing.

Baby Sis - You were indeed my inspiration. :)

Sudiegirl said...

OH...these are good.

Should we collaborate on a few, Ms. Laurie? I have the feeling we'd come up with some doozies.

Here's this one:

You are the man
who wrecked my car,
then slept with my sister.
I'm sure you'll go far.

However, my sis
was diagnosed with the clap.
You're gettin' some action,
but you'll feel like crap.

PS: The shots don't hurt...much. Besides, the swelling goes down once all the pus is gone.

Laurie said...

Sudie - Hahaha!